


5 Years Is Our Forever

by The_Last_Shadow_Puppet_09



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Addiction, Adultery, Affairs, Alcohol, Anal Sex, BDSM, Blowjobs, Cancer, Car Accidents, Castles, Clubbing, Dancing, Drinking, Drugs, Drunk Driving, Fights, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bar, Gay Sex, Gifts, Hangover, Hospital, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kissing, M/M, Marijuana, Sad, Sexual Content, Sickfic, Smoking, Songfic, Stars, Suicide Notes, Vomiting, Wedding, Wedding Planning, alex is bottom, alex turner - Freeform, anything could happen, chain smoking, first fic, meeting place, miles is top, miles kane - Freeform, records, vinyl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:44:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 70,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Last_Shadow_Puppet_09/pseuds/The_Last_Shadow_Puppet_09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hay al," Miles said, looking at Alex.<br/>"Yeah?"<br/>"I'm gonna miss ya."<br/>"Why would you miss me? I'm not going anywhere!"<br/>"Yeah, why would I say that? Of course you're not going anywhere."</p><p>Hiding secrets within a relationship can only make things worse, right? As Miles and Alex fight for what little time they have left together, they both soon realise it's never going to be enough.<br/>(Not finished yet)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets revealed.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this may induce tears to die-hard Milex fans. THIS IS NOT BASED OFF ANTHING TRUE apart from the fact I googled 1 thing but thats it. I loosely based it off a place near me. Ok well Enjoy!

It was a lazy night. Alex had had a night with the Monkeys, talking about a possible new album. Miles had come back from another hospital appointment, one of many in fact, that Alex was unaware of. This was an appointment to organise how Miles would get his cancer treatment. Alex was also unaware his lover was dying. Miles simply didn't have the heart to tell him. Instead, he'd smile and pretend everything was all right. He knew at some point he'd have to come clean, but now was not the time.

"So how was ya pow-wow with the lads?" Miles asked, once Alex had come to sit on the sofa.  
As Miles flicked through the channels, he found a documentary on the evolution of cancer treatments. He decided to leave it on just incase he had the guts to tell him then.  
"Well, Jamie has a few ideas. Nothing taking my fancy though."  
"Really?" Miles seemed a little too out of the moment.  
"Yeah." Alex sighed, getting up for a smoke.  
Miles was trying to pack it in. After all, it was the culprit for the colonies of cancer cells growing in his lungs.  
"Al, do you not think you should stop?"  
"Stop what?" He replied, lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  
He took a drag and pulled it out.  
"Stop smokin. Can't be doin your lungs any good."  
"Oh mum stop it!" Alex joked, before seeing the look on Miles' face. "Wait, you're serious? Jesus Miles, what's got into you lately?"  
Miles simply shrugged.  
"Alrigh, I'll try." He took another drag and stubbed it out, still mostly unsmoked.

He went to the bin and opened it to drop his cigarette in when something caught his eye.  
"Miles," Alex said sternly. "What's this?"

He reached in the bin and took the object out. It was a letter from the hospital. Miles leapt up and practically ran to the bin to snatch the letter from his hands.  
"It's nowt" Miles whined, crumpling it up in his hands.  
He grabbed Alex's lighter and was about to set it on fire when Alex snatched the letter back, dashing away with it.  
" _Dear Mr. Kane_ ," he begun, reading it out loud.  
"Laa, you don't need to read it, it's nowt."  
" _We are writing to give you the date of your next appointment to organise your treatment program._ " Alex immediately looked up from the letter and stared at Miles, mouth hanging wide open. " _As you are aware, you have Stage IV Adenocarcinoma of the Lung that has spread to your liver and kidneys, thus the next appointment will be to finalise the dates of your chemotherapy._ " Alex choked, tears rolling down his face.  
"Laa, I'm sorry." Miles whispered, scared to hurt his lover more.  
Alex just stood for a few seconds before glazing over.  
"Laa?" Miles asked.  
Suddenly, Alex's knees gave away and he plummeted to the floor, still clutching Miles' death sentence.

**_I'm sorry to inform you Mr. Kane, but your tests have come back positive for Stage IV Adenocarcinoma, or severe cancer of the Lung._ **  
**Never did Miles' heart sink so much as when his doctor had told him he would have little more than a few years to live. A few years to love Alex. A few years to see his family. Not even enough time for them to celebrate 5 years of marriage, if they even got married.**

"Alex? Can you hear me?" Miles cried, kneeling over Alex's body.  
Alex's eyes fluttered open. "Mi? Mi!" Alex yelled, reaching his arms up and grabbing onto Miles.  
They both stayed there, Miles kneeling, Alex sitting up, both crying into each other's arms. Alex was still coming to grips with what was going on.

**_I'm sorry Mr. Kane, but after completing a full body scan, it appears that the cancer has spread to your liver and kidneys, and surrounding tissues. At this point in time I have a duty to tell you your current life expectancy is 5 years._ **

"I'm coming with you" Alex cried. "I can't let you go alone. Not anymore."  
"Ok." Miles sobbed, slowly rocking in Alex's embrace.  
They'd both fallen on the floor now, Miles clutching his knees to his face, and Alex hugging him.  
"How long?" Alex stuttered, his heart aching to know but desperate to stay unaware.  
"What do you mean?"  
"How long do…do…do I still have with you?"  
Miles took a deep breath and reached his hands out to Alex as a silent warning as if to say 'Prepare yourself, this is going to kill you'.  
"F…f…five…" Miles sobbed, staring deep into Alex's eyes.  
"Five what?" Alex whispered, looking back at his lover.  
It was clear in his eyes that he already knew the answer.  
"Years." Miles said, breaking out into tears again.  
Alex hugged him tighter than ever.  
"Oh Miles, I'm never gonna let you go." Alex cried, rocking Miles.

The clock ticked on, and with it, Alex realised every second with Miles he had was more precious than ever. At any moment Miles could die, and he was scared. Scared that the love of his life would be swept away from him, and there was nothing he could do. After what felt like hours of hugging and crying, Alex stood up, holding Miles' hand.  
"What?" Miles asked, as Alex tugged him.  
"I'm taking you out for dinner."  
"But it's 10:38!" Miles said, checking his watch.  
"I don’t care. I'm taking you out. Come and I'll help you clean yourself up."

Alex couldn't deny the fact he too looked like a mess, more so than Miles did. His quiff had flopped, and his eyes were bright red. Miles' eyes were also red, but no-where near as bad. He'd cried most of his tears sat in doctors' offices. How he wished he had been with Alex at the time.

Once they had cleaned themselves up enough, they left, Alex driving. Miles watched him as he drove, with every street lamp he saw Alex's tears still coming down his face. Every 30 seconds or so, he'd sniff up to stop his nose running. That was the only noise that broke the silence in the car.

Slowly Miles drifted off to sleep, so Alex saw it fitting to change his plan slightly. He went and got Miles' favourite meal: battered cod and chips. He grabbed another one for himself too, got back in the car and carried on. He knew just the place to go and was thankful for a full moon.

Once he got there, Alex put his keys in his pocket, hooked the bag of fish and chips to his belt and carefully carried Miles out of the car. It was a half mile walk, but Miles didn't weigh too much.

On the walk, however, Miles woke up.  
"Where am I?" He yawned.  
"You'll see." Alex teased.

He carried on walking with Miles snoozing in his arms. Once he was there, he was so happy he had chosen it. The moon reflected a perfectly glassy lake, with the shadow of the surrounding mountains at the horizon. There was a solitary bench looking out with a clearing of trees around it. Directly up was a perfect view, much more spectacular than any city, or monument, and was only beaten by Miles himself. Every star was shining, and there was a perfect band of the Milky Way straight above.

"Miles, wake up." Alex whispered, laying Miles on the lake shore.  
He opened his eyes to see Alex's face lit by the moon and a sky full of glistening stars. The smell of fish and chips soon caught his attention as his stomach rumbled.  
"Oh Alex, this is amazing!" Miles said, looking back at Alex unwrapping their food.  
They sat and ate watching the lake, with the occasional ripple from a fish coming to the surface. It was a cool night, but not too cold. Once they had finished, they packed up the paper back into the bag and left it on the bench as they laid down to watch the stars.

"5 years then?" Alex sighed, resting his head on Miles' arm.  
"Sadly yeah." Miles replied.  
Alex sniffed through his nose again. Since he read the hospital letter he had sounded all bunged up from crying.  
"I wish it were longer." Alex stated.  
"Who doesn’t laa?" Miles said, wrapping his arm tighter around Alex.  
They stared up at the starry night watching satellites travel by and the stars twinkle.  
"This night doesn’t have to end. We could just stay here together." Alex begged, trying to elongate their time together  
"You're right. We'll stay here for eternity, yeh? And when the sun rises, we'll still be here, together, in each other's arms. We won't leave. We never have to."  
"I say amen to that Mi." Alex rubbed his eyes again, and placed his hand over Miles' chest, drawing lines over his ribs.  
Miles poked around at the lumps and bumps below his ribcage. That was the reason he first went. The first op that he had lied to Alex about.

"Just under the skin here is the reason you gotta go. Funny to think that, innit Mi?" Alex sighed, now rubbing his hand over his chest.  
"Aye. Bit weird. My life gone. Just like that. Like a shooting star."  
They both gasped as they saw a shooting star fly past.  
"Make a wish!" Alex sang, kissing Miles on the cheek.  
"I wish…I wish the doctors at the hospital can cure this fucking cancer. I wish I could live as long as you do laa. I wish I could beat this cancer."  
"If I were God Mi," Alex said, pulling himself on top of Miles. "I'd grant that wish in a heartbeat."  
He kissed each one of Miles' cheeks, then his forehead, then his chin, and finally his lips, making sure to make the last kiss last longer. Miles looked up again and saw another shooting star.  
"Make a wish laa." Miles said, kissing Alex's cheek.   
"I wish I had the rest of my life with you Miles. I couldn’t care for anything else. Just you. You're all I need Mi, and I got ya."  
"An I got you laa." Miles whispered, kissing Alex softly on the lips. 

"I promise Mi." Alex said, facing Miles.   
"Promise what?"  
"I promise I'll pack in smoking. I'll start right here, right now. I'll get help an stuff, and I'll pack it in. I promise."  
Miles was happy with that. The last thing he wanted was Alex to get damned with the same fate as him. 

He reached out his hand for Alex to hold as they looked up again. Another shooting star went past. They looked at each other and spoke in perfect sync: 

"I wish we had forever together."


	2. Standing Next To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Al! Where've you been? You were supposed to come here 10 minutes ago like you promised!"  
> "Sorry Mi, fell asleep." Alex sighed, opening his eyes.  
> Normal. He looked normal. Normal enough anyway.
> 
> Alex is in for the shock of his life, but it's ok, because it's with Miles...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after Miles' first session of chemo. The chapter title may give you a hint... :)

"Can I help you?" A cheery voice asked.  
Alex threw his head up to see who it was. He had dozed off waiting for Miles to finish his chemo.  
"Uhh," Alex moaned, stretching his arms and looking around. "Have you seen a Mr. Miles Kane?"  
"As a matter of fact, I have. I can only allow family and emergency contacts into his room at the moment. And you are?"  
Alex gulped. Boyfriend would never be enough. So thinking fast, he pulled off a ring he had on his middle finger and slid it onto his ring finger. He wished what he was about to say was a reality.  
"Fiancé."  
"Ah, ok. Right this way Mr. Future Kane?" The nurse giggled, leading him along.

Alex's hands hung low as he slouched along the corridor. He ached all over, and as he rubbed his chin his stubble scraped his hand, reminding him of how he looked. Hair undone, buttons not straight, trousers creased. He was all torn up over Miles, still in shock at how quickly this had happened. One week you're high on love in bed all happy as can be, the next you're spiralling in depression at the threat of losing the only thing that matters to you.

"Here he is. Oh, look, he's just about done too!"  
Alex took a deep breath before pushing the door open. It took all of his strength to go inside as he really didn’t know what to expect. Would he look ill? Would he be bald? ~Is he alright?~ Alex just forced his way through with his eyes shut tight, just incase.

"Al! Where've you been?  You were supposed to come here 10 minutes ago like you promised!"  
"Sorry Mi, fell asleep." Alex sighed, opening his eyes.  
Normal. He looked normal. Normal enough anyway.

"Ok then, I'll leave you with your fiancé." The nurse said, promptly leaving.  
"Oh yeah, about that-"  
"Fiancé? Fiancé?!"  
"Mi I didn't mean it like-"  
Before Alex had time to finish his sentence, Miles was rummaging around his jacket.  
"What are you doin?"  
Miles walked back towards Alex, smiling with a tear in his eye.  
"Did she tell you? This was supposed to be a surprise!"  
"Wait, what?!" Alex gasped.  
"Oh, nevermind. Why did she call you my fiancé then?"  
"Only way I could get in. Family only."  
Miles nodded approvingly before fumbling with his pocket.  
"Come on, lets go!" Miles said, ushering him out the door.

Alex waited as Miles sighed out before taking the lift down. As they were walking out, Miles hooked his arm around Alex's and leaned on his shoulder.  
"Thanks for coming with me today."  
"Oh, it's nowt! Wouldn’t miss it for anythin!" Alex said, dismissing Miles.

Once they arrived back at the house, Miles snatched the keys off Alex.  
"Ah ah ah! You're gonna have to wait a few minutes!"  
"Why?"  
"You'll see!" Miles teased, winking at him.

Alex was desperate to get in, but he really liked surprises, especially when Miles was involved.

"Ok, you can come in, but you'll have to wear this." Miles said, handing Alex a blindfold.  
"Ok, I think?"  
Miles grabbed Alex's hand after he'd put the blindfold on, and led him into the kitchen. When Alex took the blindfold off, it was far from what he had expected.

"Surprise!" Miles yelled, hugging Alex from behind, kissing his neck.  
Alex stood there, wide eyed like a kid in a candy shop. Everywhere he looked there was red roses, and candles, and set out was a luxurious meal for 2; non-alcoholic Champagne, and of course, fish and chips.  
"Stuck with my theme, eh?" Alex laughed.  
"It can be our thing now. Every time you'll get fish and chips, you'll remember me, and this."  
Alex spun around in Miles' grip and hugged him tighter.  
"You didn’t have to do this!"  
"Come on, chips are getting colder."

As they sat and ate and drank their non-alcoholic Champagne, Miles got up.  
"What are you doing?" Alex asked.  
"Fancy a better drink al? You can have something like a margarita if you want."  
"No, I'm fine with this. Wouldn't want to miss what you've got planned, unless this is it."  
Miles sat down smugly.  
"Well, there's more."  
Alex saw Miles' grin and laughed a little, causing Miles to laugh even more, which made Alex laugh even more, which soon turned into the both of them crying in laughter.  
"All this non-alcoholic stuff has gone to me head Mi!" Alex howled.  
"Aye it has!" Miles yelled in between laughs.  
Miles tried to calm himself to allow him time to finish his meal, so Alex soon followed suit. Once they had finished, Alex cleaned up.

"So tell me, what's next Mi?"  
"Come through to the living room once you're done!" Miles smiled, planting another kiss on Alex's neck.  
"More housework?" Alex joked as Miles walked through.

"Ok Mi, I'm coming!" Alex shouted from the kitchen.

Miles stood a little straighter once Alex came in. The lights were dim, and Miles was awkwardly holding a hand behind his back. He took Alex's left hand in his, first kissing his lips, then his shoulder, then his elbow, then his wrist, then his hand. A large smile spread across Miles' face.

"I know today of all days isn't nearly the best to do this, and if things were different, perhaps we'd be somewhere else right now, but," Miles choked, holding in his excitement.  
He slowly kneeled down onto one knee, revealing a ring in a box from behind his back. Alex's hand started shaking as he realised just what was going on.  
"Alexander David Turner, will you marry me?"  
Alex took a second to collect himself as he stared into Miles' eyes.  
"Miles Peter Kane, yes, yes, a million times YES!" Alex smiled as Miles slid the ring onto his finger.  
"Check your pocket!" Miles said, pointing.  
"No way!" Alex said in shock as he pulled out a matching box and ring. "How did you?!"  
"I wasn't just confined to my room you know. I did actually get to walk around!"  
Alex slid the matching ring onto Miles' finger, as Miles laid his box onto the table.  
"There now," Miles said, unable to contain his tears. "We'll never part!"

Alex stood, still holding Miles' hand and his ring box, still processing what the fuck just happened.  
"God I love you so much." Alex said, pulling Miles in for a hug.  
As Miles came closer, he pushed Alex into the wall, making him drop his box. Miles' lips crashed into Alex's as their embrace grew stronger. For a chemo patient, Miles was still amazingly strong. However, Alex doubted this would last. He stroked the Miles' back as he moaned under the force of Miles keeping him tight up against the wall; one hand around the back of his neck, the other wrapped around his waist pulling him closer. He felt something rather hard pressing into his hip, knowing too well what would happen. Their lips parted and crashed together in perfect sync.  
"Let's go upstairs." Miles gasped in between kisses.

They had never ran to the bedroom this fast in their lives.

Alex ripped off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere before spinning around and doing the same to Miles, making their chests touch. The atmosphere was almost electric in the room as Miles slammed Alex onto the bed. He pulled off his shirt fully before helping Alex with his, and laid on top of him. Alex began to grind into Miles' hips, making his bulge bigger. Miles hummed into Alex, driving him insane. He undid both his and Alex’s zippers, allowing them to take off their trousers, which they soon had tossed aside. There was nothing but the thin boxers they wore separating them.

“Oh Laa, I’ll miss this for sure.”  
“Oh yeah?” Alex panted, still grinding into Miles.  
“Well you’ll be on top from now on, if you can figure out why.”  
“Oh ok. Chemo?”  
“Yeah.” Miles moaned, his hard on getting harder the more Alex sped up.  
Miles then pulled down both his and Alex's underwear, exposing their throbbing dicks. They rubbed against each other as Miles’ hand slammed against the bedside table searching for some lube. Once he found some, he squirted it onto his length; the cool liquid dripping onto Alex and shocking them both. There was no time for Miles to ease his way inside with this much excitement going on between them.He just forced the tip in, making Alex groan in pain and pleasure. He curled one hand around the back of Alex’s neck, snatching a fistful of his hair.

“Come on you, sit up for me.” Miles demanded as he sat back, pulling Alex up onto him, forcing his penis deep into his anus.  
The only thing that came out of Alex as he threw his head back was somewhere between a scream and a shriek, as Miles hit the sweet spot within him. Miles pulled his head forwards again, seeing Alex’s face like he never had before. Eyes half lidded, mouth agape and drooling. He loved Alex like this, and was almost thrilled at the thought that the tables would soon turn.  
“Ohh Mi...ya...ya sure know...how to...fuck m...me” Alex spat, as Miles bounced him up and down on his penis hard and fast.

Soon Miles’ lips felt lonely, so he pulled Alex back down, moaning into their kiss as it turned wet and sloppy. Alex’s breaths satisfied Miles in between kisses, as he choked slightly on Miles’ tongue.  
“You’re gonna have so much fun fuckin’ me aren’t ya baby?” Miles chuckled.  
“Mmmm yeahh.” Alex moaned, his hands fighting for something to grab and squeeze.  
His fingers soon latched onto Miles’ arms, leaving crescent shaped dimples in his skin. As he neared his orgasm, he grunted into Miles’ neck, biting down crying. He loved it when Miles fucked him like this.

“Oh Mi, I’m gonna...I’m gonna...Oh Miles! Miles!” Alex yelled, about to tip over the edge. “MILES!”  
His head lolled back and he went limp, then grabbed on tight to Miles and went limp again. White semen squirted all over their stomachs, as Miles went over the edge with him. Alex’s hoarse, raspy breaths filled the silence that soon arose.  
“Oh Laa, I love you so much.” Miles whispered into Alex’s ear.  
Alex, however, was still spasming in ecstasy at how Miles had fucked him so hard.  
“Isn’t tha why you got the rings Mi?” Alex panted, sweat now dripping off his entire body.  
“Aye Laa, ‘tis.”  
“Jesus Miles, tha’ wer the best sex ‘av ever ‘ad!” His voice just as hoarse as his breaths.

Miles tried to pull Alex off the bed to get a shower, but as soon as he did, Alex collapsed into Miles’ arms, knees knocking. He was just like a hooker getting what they wanted.  
“Al? You ok?!”  
“Mmmm.”  
“Promise me you’ll do me just like that, yeah?!”  
“Mmm hmm.” Alex hummed, still recovering.  
Miles gave up with showering and just put him to bed.  
“Promise me you’ll treat me like this. Like I do you.”  
“Wha? Why?”  
“You know there’ll come a time I won’t be able to even walk around this house without having to stop for a breather, right?”  
“Errr, yeh?”  


Miles smirked and gave up. He’d just fucked him into oblivion.


	3. That's one way to put it, I guess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do they know?”  
> “Know what?”  
> “You have, y’know, can-”  
> “Its not a swear word Al, you can say it.”  
> “Do they know you’re dying of cancer!?”  
> “No.”  
> “Do you think they deserve to know?”  
> “Yeah.”  
> “Are you going to tell them then?”  
> “At the end of tonight, maybe. Don’t wanna be a party-pooper.”  
> “Matt’s here.”
> 
> There's more than 1 way to put it, but Miles finds a rather blunt way to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is starting to get a little out of hand. I've made a commitment to this now, and I'm writing chapters that are gonna be like the 20th or something daft. Let's just say if this goes all weird and none of it makes sense, I'm just sort of writing whatever comes to my head. Enjoy this chapter anyway.

Miles woke up and bolted upright, before leaping out of bed and heading straight for the toilet.  
“Mi?” Alex said sleepily, before following his route.

He came to the toilet to find it was locked with Miles inside.  
“Mi, what are you doin? It's only me love!”  
As Alex waited for his reply, he heard Miles vomit.  
“Mi? You ok? Need help or anythin? Why won't you let me in?”  
“I’m fine A-” Miles stopped mid word to vomit again.  
“You’re clearly not fine, come on, let me in! We can talk about last night, yeah babe?”  
There was a brief silence as Miles unlocked the door and ran back to the toilet.

As Alex walked in, he saw Miles hunched over the toilet in front of him; arms cupped around the bowl with his head resting on the seat. He watched as Miles knelt up to vomit again, the ungodly sound echoing around the room. Alex walked over and sat by Miles, brushing his hair out of the way and rubbing his back.  
“Chemo?”  
“Aye.”

Once Miles’ stomach had calmed down, Alex helped him into the shower to clean himself up.  
‘If this is only the beginning, what am I supposed to do in a week? A month? A year!?’ he thought. The idea of becoming Miles’ carer was something he had not originally thought about, but he knew it would be inevitable. He loved Miles, and although he hated seeing him like this, he’d have to get used to it.

When he washed the soap off of Miles’ head, a little more than average hair came off. ‘Thank god I’m stood in the shower’ he thought uht, tears mixing with the water and running off his face. Miles watched as black patches of hair appeared at his feet. He’d let his hair grow out from the last time he’d shaved it and loved it at this length. He too began to cry, both blissfully aware about the other one.

After they had showered, Alex went downstairs to phone the doctors. Not as an emergency, but just if there were any medications Miles could take that would ease his symptoms.  
“Hi this is Mr. Turner on behalf of Miles Kane? Yes I’m his emergency contact. Yeah I was wondering if there’s anything Miles can do to y’know, help the symptoms of- yeah. Really!? But that’s it though, right.” Alex sighed as Miles began to wander down, hearing everything Alex said. “So if we come down and see you, we can get some? Great! So next Thursday? 11:45am? Great thanks. No problem. Bye!”  
“What's all that about?” Miles asked, standing in the doorway to the living room, picking up their ring boxes from last night.  
“Doctor’s appointment, next Thursday, 11:45am, gonna see about these ‘anti-emetics’ that are gonna help with the vomiting.” Alex said, pulling in Miles for a hug.  
“Shouldn't I be doing all this?” Miles asked guilty.  
“Why? It’s not your fault love, you can't help it. I’m sure if it was the other way around you’d understand.”  
“I guess.”

“Now then, last night.” Alex began, pulling Miles to the sofa. “You want me to do you like that? Eh? Pull you up and bang you hard?”  
Miles smirked, leaning in to kiss Alex.   
“Do me like I did you babeh” Miles whispered, before kissing Alex intently.  
Alex smiled as Miles kissed him, kissing back and pulling him on top.  
“You wanna be like this? Mmm?”  
“Yeah Laa!” Miles groaned.  
“Wanna see more stars than the other night?”  
“Oh yes! Yes Laa, yes!”  
“You’re gonna want to prepare yourself for that, it's a completely different feeling than you'll have ever felt before.” Alex teased, jumping up and leaving Miles.

He went and rummaged around the kitchen.  
“No vodka?”  
“We ran out remember?”  
Alex got out his phone and ordered 10 bottles of vodka to be delivered. It would only take a few hours.  
“Why d’ya want any anyway?” Miles said, walking through.  
“Felt like some.”  
“It's 7am, why do ya want some?”  
“Just wanted to make a few shots, freeze ‘em and have ‘em later.”  
“Vodka doesn't freeze Al. What are you doin?”  
“I just felt like some vodka, that's all Mi, chill!”  
The phone rang, breaking up their argument. Alex ran to get it.

“Hello? Jamie! Ah, good thanks. Yeah, Miles isn't 100% today, but he’s feelin’ a bit better. Tonight? You want us to come down tonight?” Alex lowered his voice. “Will there be alcohol? Yeah? Great!” He became louder again. “So we’ll be down at...6? Right. See ya then!”  
“What did Jamie want?”  
“He’s havin a party tonight and wants us to come. Just something little with the 5 of us. We can tell them about our engagement!”  
“Ok.”

They had a fairly quiet day, watching TV with the occasional kiss off each other. They got ready and waited for Matt to pick them up.

“Do they know?”  
“Know what?”  
“You have, y’know, can-”  
“Its not a swear word Al, you can say it.”  
“Do they know you’re dying of cancer!?”  
“No.”  
“Do you think they deserve to know?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Are you going to tell them then?”  
“At the end of tonight, maybe. Don’t wanna be a party-pooper.”  
“Matt’s here.”

They both smiled as they climbed into the back of the car, as if nothing was wrong.  
It wasn't a long drive to Jamie’s, but long enough for Miles to start feeling sick. He gestured to Alex.  
“What?” Alex mouthed.  
He gestured again.  
“What is it Miles? Just say it!” Alex said, his voice slightly audible.  
“I’m gonna be sick!” he whispered, scared to tell Matt.  
“Matt, pullover, Miles is gonna chuck.”  
Matt put his indicator on and pulled over, allowing Miles to get out. No sooner had he got out did he vomit, with Alex jumping out to help.  
“Mi, we don't have to go if you don't want to.”  
“I wanna.” He said, before vomiting again.  
“Do we tell him Mi? Tell him now?”  
Miles simply nodded as he vomited again.  
“I’ll tell him in the car, ok?”  
“Do it.”

“Look, Matt, this isn't easy to say,” Alex began as Matt got comfortable in the driver’s seat. “But Miles, he has, umm, he has cancer.”  
Alex felt tears running down his face as he told him. Matt looked back in the mirror to see Alex’s tears, which soothed his own.  
“Really?” Matt choked.  
“Yeah.” Alex sighed. “The chemo’s making him throw up.”  
"When's he gonna be better?"  
"He's not."  
"What do ya mean?"  
"He has," Alex sobbed, sniffling his runny nose. "5 Years."  
Matt climbed out of the car and jumped in the back.  
"Are _you_ ok Al? This must be a lot for you to ta-"  
"To Miles, I'll forever say I'm fine. To you, I just wanna drink up and forget it all. I just fuckin ordered 10 bottles of vodka. You won't tell him though, will ya?"  
Matt gestured zipping his mouth.  
"Cheers."

Alex jumped back outside to help Miles again, as Matt handed him a tissue to wipe himself with.  
"All done." Miles said, wiping what was left on his face.  
He got back in the car and they carried on.

Once they got to the house, they were greeted by an overly-happy Jamie, and when he hugged them both, they could smell the alcohol on his breath. Matt laughed, after all, he couldn’t drink. He was Miles and Alex's taxi.

"Miles! Alex! You're looking great!" Jamie bellowed.  
"I have cancer." Miles said bluntly, assuming a seat furthest away from everyone.  
Both Jamie and Nick looked at him as if he was an unwanted guest. Alex sighed, and went and sat on the floor to talk to him, as if to say 'WHAT THE FUCK MILES?!'. Matt casually walked into the bathroom, and coming back out with a bag of toilet roll.

"Miles?! You ok?" Alex asked, kneeling on the floor beside Miles and holding his hand, gently playing with his fingers.  
Miles' face glazed over.  
"Miles? Can you hear me alright?" Alex said, almost pleading for an answer.  
The only reply he got was a shrug.  
"Miles, do you wanna go home?"  
Still nothing. Alex bobbed his head down, tears dripping off his nose onto the floor.  
"Come on Mi, talk to me!" Alex begged, pulling on Miles' hand.

All of a sudden Jamie's happy party had turned into a room too eerily quiet and socially dead for anything happy to go on.

Alex moved around to Miles' front and placed his hands on his shoulders.  
"Miles, please, talk to me! Say something babe, anything!"  
Miles shrugged Alex's hands off and walked to the bathroom as fast as he could. Alex sprinted behind him, banging his face into the door as Miles locked it. He vomited for the third round today, with nothing left to bring up in his stomach. Alex collapsed at the door, leaning up against the frame crying.  
"What's going on?" Nick said, sitting down opposite him.  
"It's the chemo." Alex sobbed.  
"When's he stopping it then? Sometime soon? He can get tablets can't he? To help? My mum had cancer, she was on chemo and she got tablets to help with the nausea. We were just talking about that the other day."  
Nick's words felt like serrated knives being plunged into his chest. They really had no idea.  
Alex took a deep breath, trying to compose himself while he drew circles on the bathroom door with his knuckle.   
"He isn't stopping chemo, not any time soon, we're going to the doctors to get tablets next week, lovely to know you're still talking to your mum, guess she was never told she had 5 years to live then. He yelled in one breath, his voice continually breaking.

Nick stood up, shocked at the tone Alex had used. Alex was a little shocked too. He didn't know he had it in himself to talk to his friends like that. Nick backed away, trying to not stir Alex any further.  
"I'm sorry Nick." Alex choked.

Back in the living room, Matt sat on the sofa, opening the bag of toilet roll. There was no music, just the sound of Miles in the bathroom and Alex crying. Jamie sat on the chair adjacent to Matt, pulling his party hat off. Nick came in and closed the door behind him, and sat next to Matt, still trying to digest what had happened.  
"So, chemo? He's on chemo?" Nick said, as Matt handed him a toilet roll to dry his tears.  
"Yeah. He told me in the car." Matt sighed.  
"And does he really only have, you know -" said Nick, Matt cutting him off.  
"5 years."  
"5 YEARS?!" Jamie yelled, falling off the chair onto the floor.  
"Shhh!" Matt and Nick said in sync.

They heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door unlock.

"Mi, are you sure you don’t want to go home?" Alex said, pulling Miles in for a hug.  
"I'm fine, just let me stay!"   
"You're clearly not fine though Mi, please just talk to me!"  
"I'm fine!" Miles said through his teeth. "Wait, are you crying?"  
Miles threw his hand onto the wall, frantically searching for the light switch. When the lights came on, Miles saw Alex's face. His eyes were bright red, lashes stuck together, his pale blue shirt streaked with tears, face soaked and an equally wet hand grabbing onto Miles' arm.  
"Jesus Al, are you sure you don't wanna go home?!" Miles said, wrapping his arms around Alex's head, cradling him into his shoulder.  
Alex's sobs were so loud, even the three in the living room knew how serious Alex was about this.

"What I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone, especially Miles. Ok?" Matt said, checking the door every few words.  
"Ok" Jamie and Nick echoed.  
"Alex said in the car he just wanted to drink this all away. This is killing him, and he said he ordered 10 bottles of vodka. This is turning him into an alcoholic, if he wasn’t one before, but just think what's gonna happen. He won't be able to drive Miles to the hospital, and he'll be too drunk to care for him, and then you'll get a phone call from the hospital and it won't be about Miles. And if he does live to see Miles pass away," Matt whispered, choking on the words 'pass away'. "He'll bloody climb to the top of that hospital and jump off!"  
Miles walked in just as Matt finished, pulling Alex behind him. They gasped a little as Alex came into the room.  
"Alex!? Are you ok?!" Matt said, handing him a toilet roll.  
"We've got 1 more announcement, and then we'll need a lift home if you don’t mind Matt."  
"Go ahead."

Alex and Miles looked at each other, and smiled. Even though they had both obviously been crying, this smile somehow lit up the dead room. Miles took Alex's left hand in his own, he pulled it up, exposing their matching rings.

"We're getting married!"


	4. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How does it feel?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "Does it feel ok?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "Do you wanna talk about it?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "What about the lads?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "Did I hurt you?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "Are you ok?"  
> "Goodnight Alex."  
> "When's your next appointment?"  
> "For fuck's sake Alex, shut up about this and go to fucking sleep!"  
> "Goodnight Miles."  
> "Goodnight Alex."
> 
> When wedding planning turns into chemo chaos, both Miles and Alex need to find their own secret, addictive relief...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still in the early stages, and there's still more sickness than sex, but it's coming soon, once Alex recovers from the shock. It'll slide its way in, trust me.

"What do ya reckon for the flowers Laa? Red, white or yellow?" Miles asked, scrolling through wedding bouquets online.  
"Red." Alex said, pointing out the flowers he liked. "What do you make of them?"  
"I say you're tapping into me thoughts!" Miles chuckled, adding them to their forever growing list of wedding supplies.  
"And the suits? White or black?"  
"Matching black suits with red accents, y'know, like our outfit that makes us look sexy!"  
"I like that idea. Wanna call the tailors then?"  
"Later. I need a drink of something."

Walking to the kitchen, he remembered where he had stashed his 10 bottles of vodka. Checking Miles was still occupied by the computer, he pulled out a bottle from the cupboard he kept locked and poured an obscene amount into a glass. He gulped it down and checked Miles again.  
"I'll start cooking dinner, ok?"  
"Yeah!" Miles shouted back, still glaring at his computer

He shut the door, opened the window as far as he could and slammed a few cupboards. He ended up pulling out some spaghetti and a jar of sauce. Going back to his cupboard, he pulled out a lighter and a cigarette. These were his dirty secrets. He told Miles he'd given it up for him, when in actual fact, he'd never smoked or drank as much as this in his life. He pulled up a stool and sat by the window, hanging his hand out and exhaling outside. He stubbed it on the outside windowsill and tossed the end in the bin. He then started to prepare dinner.

"This is real good Laa," Miles said, chewing at the same time. "Did you make the sauce?"  
"Nah, just found it in the cupboard." Alex said, feeling his blood pulsing and his head becoming dizzy as the vodka took its toll. "I'm gonna get a drink."  
He wandered back into the kitchen and made a Bloody Mary, using the bottle of vodka Miles was aware of that he kept in the fridge. He came back after a few minutes, having smoked again.  
"Al, why d'ya smell of smoke? Thought you was givin it up?"  
"I have, I think some kids were just walkin by an stopped outside for a fag."  
Miles nodded suspiciously, reluctantly accepting Alex's excuse. Alex was just thankful the vodka had made his cheeks already red, so as to not reveal his lie. He downed the last of his Bloody Mary, smacking his lips at the taste.  
"Thought ye liked margaritas, wha's with the change of heart?"  
"Felt like a Bloody Mary."  
"Fair enough."

As Alex took the plates through, Miles grew more and more suspicious of Alex. Once again he had closed the door. He wasn't angry at Alex for smoking, but he was angry with the fact he wouldn't tell the truth. He thought it might be better to go along with it for now, for Alex's sake. He went to the bathroom to take some anti-emetics, after all, throwing up after every meal wasn't the best thing to be burdened with. After he'd taken his dose, he went upstairs for his dirty secret.

Rummaging through his bedside table, he found the key to his false bottomed box. Lifting up the fake bottom, he pulled out a bottle of painkillers. He poured out a handful and put them in his mouth. _'If Alex has secret addictions he hides, why can't I?'_ Miles said to himself, swallowing down the pills with a mouthful of water. He did it for the buzz to take away the feeling he was hurting his lover, and ultimately, killing him.

"Mi, where'd ya go?" Alex asked, walking through to the living room. "Mi?"  
"Be down in a sec, yeah?" Miles said, locking his box and throwing the key back in the draw.  
"Come on, we need to sort out more wedding things!"  
"Coming!" Miles said running downstairs.  
As he got to the last step, he tripped, flying head over heels into Alex.  
"Christ!" Alex shouted, catching Miles before he fell over.  
"Sorry, went over my ankle."  
"Come on."  
Alex led him to the sofa and pulled Miles onto his knee, opening the laptop again.  
"So what do you think of this?" Miles said, bringing up a picture of someone else's wedding by the lake they had went on the night Alex first found out about Miles' cancer.  
"Well it does look lovely, I'll give you that."  
"But?"  
"But I'd rather get married somewhere with happier memories, if you get what I mean."  
"You can say cancer Alex, it won't kill you."  
"Sorry. It just still hurts a little." Alex sniffled, a stray tear rolling down his face.  
"How about the lake then. Let's go for it."  
Alex looked at Miles' face as he went to kiss him, but saw nothing but disgust.  
"What? Not the lake?!" Alex said, puzzled.  
"Not that. Hold this." Miles said, throwing the laptop at Alex and running off to the bathroom.

Alex put the laptop to one side. He couldn't help but cry. He might have been drunk, but even that couldn't stop the reality of everything. The only thing that would allow him to escape would be either much more vodka, or hard drugs. He was curled up into a ball on the sofa when Miles came back.

"Come on Laa, don't cry." Miles said, reassuring Alex.  
"But you've had so many pills, and nothing works!"  
That was true. No matter what Miles had tried, the medicine he kept taking to stop the nausea never worked. Miles was also becoming scarily thin with his nausea and lack of appetite. He tried to force food down and keep it there, but no matter what, it would always come back up.  
"Alex, everything's ok."  
"No it's fucking not!"  
"Listen to me," Miles said, kneeling on the floor holding Alex's face in his hands. "You're getting upset over nothing. We can't help this, and it's something I hate just as much as you do, but it will be ok! I mean, we're together, and to me, that's all I could ever want. It really fucking sucks that I'll be gone soon, but you at least get to spend this time with me, and trust me, seeing your face in the morning keeps me going Alex. Please love, just remember that. Remember I love you."  
Miles' lips soon met Alex's for a kiss. Miles could still feel Alex's tears run over his hands, but at least Alex was here with him. As Alex ran his fingers through Miles' hair, however, chunks came out. He pulled back instantly, eyes welling up even more as he looked at his hands in disbelief.  
"Your hair Miles! It's all coming out!" Alex wailed, falling into Miles' embrace.  
Miles couldn’t believe it either, but it was another inevitability of chemo.

"Come with me a sec Laa. I'm gonna need your help."   
Miles pulled Alex up, and went to the bathroom. It still smelled like vomit.  
"How much is gone." Miles said in more of an ordering tone than a questioning one.  
"About, maybe, this much?" Alex said, making hand gestures in the mirror.   
Miles ran his hands through his hair, collecting more chunks. He looked down for a second, and looked back up, making eye contact with Alex in the mirror again.  
"Get the clippers."  
"I…I can't do…this!" Alex choked, shocked at Miles' decision.  
"Get the clippers." Miles said again in a stern, angry voice.  
Alex quickly obeyed, going to the bedroom and taking the box off the top of the waredrobe. It had been a while since they had even dared to use it, and the box had a thick cover of dust. Alex walked back through to the bathroom.   
"Here." He said, voice trembling.   
He handed the box to Miles.  
"Why are you giving it to me? You're the one who's gonna be cutting it!"

Alex took a deep breath as he unboxed the clippers. His hands shook as he pulled out the electric shaver and plugged it in. He turned it on, looking at Miles in the mirror. He tried to compose himself, but was just unable to.  
"I need a mo." Alex said, turning the shaver off and running outside.

He sat on the step overlooking their garden. Their house was pretty isolated, with a busy street about 10 minutes away on foot. Teens often walked past and either ignored the house, or used the windowsill as an ashtray after the stains Miles and Alex had left.  
"I'm sorry Al. I just need to shave it off now it's falling out."  
Alex leaned into Miles as he wrapped his arm around Alex's quivering body.  
"This is just too much too fast." Alex said, voice breaking mid sentence.  
He nestled his head on Miles' shoulder, aching for more reassurance.  
"How about we just shave my hair and leave this for later, yeah?"  
"Please Mi, don't make me do this. I can't."  
"Al, you're gonna have to. I can’t do this on my own. For God's sake Al, I'm fighting cancer, and the last thing I want it a shitty haircut!"  
Alex chuckled and wanted to point out the flaw in his statement. He wasn't _fighting_ cancer at all. He was dying from it.  
"Please Miles, I really can't fucking do this. I think I'm gonna throw up!" Alex begged.  
"I'm sorry but it's gotta come off! Look, just pretend you're just giving me a haircut. I'll wait inside."  


Miles walked back inside, leaving Alex behind. His bottom lip quivered and his stomach churned. Alex wanted to 'man-up' for Miles, but he didn't know how. His head spun like Catherine wheel; whizzing round and round with no way to stop. He stood up, but soon sat down, ducking his head to the side to vomit.   
"What a yellow-bellied coward you are Turner." He said to himself, coughing up more. "You don't even have the guts to take charge of anything."  
He wasn't sure if it was the vodka making him especially sickly, or just his nerves, but whatever it was, he couldn't shake the feeling. Alex walked back inside and grabbed a glass of water, washing his mouth out and downing the rest.

"Ok, I'm here." Alex said, trying his best to calm himself.  
"Now do it. Please." Miles whined, holding his best poker face despite the fact he was feeling the same as Alex.   
Alex flicked the clippers on, the vibrations sending tingles down his spine as he shook.  
"Ready?"  
"Go for it."  
He first went from the crown of Miles' head to the middle of his front hairline, then to the right, and to the left, some clear bald patches already very much visible. He worked his way around as the hair piled up on the floor around Miles, who kept his eyes firmly shut. Tears still squeezed their way out as he felt the cool bathroom air and Alex's warm breath on his head.  


"Done." Alex said, brushing off the hair on Miles' shoulders and turning off the shaver.  
"Dare I open my eyes?" Miles said, his voice croaky.  
"Only if you want to."  
Miles pinged open his eyes. It wasn’t too much of a shock, after all he had shaved it before, but never quite like this. What little stubble was left on his head kept coming off as Miles ran his hand over it, feeling bald patches all over.  
"Go to bed. Go sleep. I'll clean all this up." Miles said, almost as if this was all his fault.  
"Sure?"  
"Sure as sure."  
Alex packed away the clippers to return them to their home above the wardrobe as Miles got the dustpan and brush and swept up his hair. Once he was all done, he had a quick shower to wash off any last little stubborn hairs, and went to bed.

"How does it feel?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"Does it feel ok?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"Do you wanna talk about it?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"What about the lads?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"Did I hurt you?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"Are you ok?"  
"Goodnight Alex."  
"When's your next appointment?"  
"For fuck's sake Alex, shut up about this and go to fucking sleep!"  
"Goodnight Miles."  
"Goodnight Alex."


	5. Meeting Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting place they had was where their first kiss was. They'd been to a gig and had sneaked off from the rest of the monkeys to steal a kiss in the alley, only to end up with Alex shoved up against the wall. There was a little nook in between the buildings, about 2 meters deep, little over a meter wide, and 2 meters high, perfect for sneaking off for a kiss. It was originally where they kept a bin, but the bin kept getting pulled out and people sneaking in, so they ditched the bin and left the nook in the wall. Someone had painted a Moon on the inside ceiling of it, which is where they had coined the term "Meet me beneath the moon". Whenever they fought, they'd always meet there, grab food, and go home. But this time, it was different.
> 
> When Alex and Miles get into an argument, there seemed only one way Alex could deal with it.

The clock on the wall read 6am. Sunlight beamed through the blinds. Miles rolled over. The bed was cold. He walked downstairs. He checked the bathroom. He checked the kitchen. And there he was. Smoking.

"Alex, what the fuck!?" Miles screamed, trying to put it out with brute force.  
"I'm tryin Mi, I am!" Alex stubbed out the cigarette on the window and tossed it in the bin.  
"Prove it!"  
Alex pulled a bitchy face at Miles as he produced several leaflets from his pocket for quitting smoking, including business cards and even some handwritten numbers for certain specialists. Even a letter for a doctor's appointment to help deal with some of the withdrawal symptoms.  
"Maybe you should learn to trust me Mi. I mean, it's like I can always trust you, can't I? You'll always tell me when something's up!" Alex taunted, hitting Miles' weak spot.  
"What's gotten into you Mr. Happy!?" Miles said, pushing Alex slightly.  
"Oh, you wanna know what's got into me? You Miles. You and your cancer and your wedding shit, and your sweet talk bullshit. How about we take a break. I've been with you for too long."  
"Ohh, so you're gonna play that card then?"  
"Yes." Alex said, nose to nose with Miles.  
"Where you goin?"  
"Anywhere but here."  
"But babe-"  
Alex raised his hand and slapped Miles across the face.  
"Don’t you babe me. Now get out of my face."  
Alex walked out of the kitchen as Miles cradled his cheek.   
"If you seriously need me, call Matt. He might be able to wipe your ass while I'm gone."  
He grabbed the car keys and left, slamming the door behind him.

Alex drove to Matt's house, and without warning, slammed his fist on the door. The air was unbelievably cold. Matt ran to answer after wrapping a towel around his waist.  
"Jesus Al, its half six! I thought you were the police or something! Where's Miles?"  
"About that." Alex said, barging his way into the living room.   
Matt was a little taken back by Alex's behaviour, but he rarely acted like this and surely he had good reason.  
"Just let me dry off. Make a brew if you want."  
"I'm alright. Just need a favour."

Matt got out of the shower and dressed, coming through to the living room to talk to his fellow band mate.  
"Go on then. Tell me everything."  
"This all started last night. He were looking up wedding things and I kept goin for a drink o' some vodka an a smoke, y'know, in the kitchen, an then he's throwin up thanks to the doctors who don’t know whats garn on with him, an then I were runnin me hands threw his hair, like ya do, an loads came out, so he made es shave it off for im, an I were pukin on't back step over it like, an then we woke up an I were havin a smoke an he were on me back sayin I should make an effort so I showed him the leaflets I've been gettin an then we argued a bit an I left."  
"Christ, can't be good then."  
"Ano. Just need a lift to town if you don’t mind. In my car. An take it back to Miles' place."  
"Ready then?"  
"Yep"

Alex jumped up. He hadn't thought of what to do, so he thought he may as well go sit in the meeting place, just incase Miles showed up.

The meeting place they had was where their first kiss was. They'd been to a gig and had sneaked off from the rest of the monkeys to steal a kiss in the alley, only to end up with Alex shoved up against the wall. There was a little nook in between the buildings, about 2 meters deep, little over a meter wide, and 2 meters high, perfect for sneaking off for a kiss. It was originally where they kept a bin, but the bin kept getting pulled out and people sneaking in, so they ditched the bin and left the nook in the wall. Someone had painted a Moon on the inside ceiling of it, which is where they had coined the term "Meet me beneath the moon". Whenever they fought, they'd always meet there, grab food, and go home. But this time, it was different.

Matt dropped Alex off on the main street, and drove off back to Miles' house. He wandered around a few shops, pretending to be interested, and then crossed the road to the pharmacy.  
"Can I help you Mr Turner?" The cashier said with a thick Indian accent.  
"Just the normal prescription."  
"30 x 50mg Cocodamol? Still got that troubled shoulder Mr Turner?"  
"Aye."  
"Here you go. Perhaps something like a spray may also help Mr Turner. Would you like some? I'll give you it for free."  
"Go on then, stick it in a bag."  
"Have a nice day Mr Turner!"  
"Cheers now."  
He walked back outside, shoving the bag into an inside pocket in his jacket.

Back at the house, Matt arrived.  
"Al? Is that you?" Miles shouted from the living room, walking though to see if it was.  
"Sorry Miles, It's Matt."  
"Oh, sorry." Miles said, sitting back down.  
He held an icepack to his face.  
"Just dropped him off in town. He seemed a bit off."  
"Doesn’t he just." Miles sighed.  
Matt did a double take when he saw Miles clutching an icepack, towel on that side shoulder, and curled up on the sofa with a sick bucket by his side. He was a little shocked at Miles' hair, or rather, the lack thereof, but soon grew used to it.  
"What happened to you?"  
"Oh, did he not tell you?"  
"Did? Miles, did he hit you?"  
"Heat of the moment I reckon."  
"Here, let me see." Matt said, kneeling by Miles.  
There was a raised red hand on the side of Miles' face, with a small cut where his engagement ring has cut his cheek. It was still bleeding down his face.  
"You should go get that stitched up! Come on, I'll take you."  
"I'm fine."  
"Come on Miles. You're gonna need it stitched up."  
Miles sighed, following Matt to the car. He jumped in as Miles drove.

PING! Alex got a message on his phone. He checked the number. Miles. __  
Hope you're happy. Need my fucking face stitched you cunt. At least Matt has a heart.  
Alex glared at his screen. Matt had taken a picture of it on Miles' phone so he could send it to him.  
"Son of a bitch." Alex muttered under his breath. "Hope the hospital stitch your mouth shut while you're there." He said as he typed his reply.

He carried on walking down the main street, but got distracted by a group of smokers outside a pub. His mind went into autopilot as he walked into a newsagents and headed for the cigarette counter.  
"40 Lambert an Butler please. I'll pay by card."  
He slid his, well, Miles' card in, and paid for the cigarettes. Taking them, he headed off for the meeting place as his phone buzzed again.

_Matt thinks you're a cunt too, you know. 3 stitches. 3 fucking stitches._

He thought for a while before typing his reply.

_You know what’s better than 3 stitches? 40 Lambert & Butler. Wanna know what's better than that? Paying for it with your card._

Once he got there. He took a cigarette out, put it between his lips and lit it. Within seconds he'd smoked it all, and put a new one in his mouth and lit that, stepping and twisting his foot on the cigarette butt he'd finished with. In seconds again he'd finished, repeating the same steps.

"And there we go! All stitched up. You're free to go home now, just make sure you don't drive." The nurse said, gently patting Miles' back.  
"Come on, I'll give you a lift back." Matt said, smiling at the nurse.  
"Cheers Matt."

Once Miles and Matt got in the car, he asked Matt if he knew where Alex would be. Surprisingly enough, the day had flown in, and it was already creeping up to 7pm.  
"I'd give him a ring. I'd also try your meeting place. Maybe he went there."  
Miles took his phone out and held it up to his ear.  
"No answer."  
"Well I'll run you into town, no problem."  
"Let's go."

Alex had watched his phone as the picture of him and Miles appeared on the screen. He pulled out a 300ml bottle of absinthe he'd snagged from a corner shop a couple of hours ago.  
"89.9% you say?" He said, stroking the front of the bottle.   
He pulled out his prescription painkillers and popped 2 out, and swallowed them, drinking a mouthful of the spirit to knock it down. The alcohol burned his throat, bringing a small breath to escape from his mouth. He put everything back in his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes again. After he opened the box, he saw he had 2 left. Looking at his feet, he was surrounded by a sea of cigarette ends. He quickly trotted off to buy another packet, and went back to his cubby-hole. He chain smoked the last 2 of the older packet and threw the box on the floor when he heard familiar voices.

"Yeah, I'll leave it here and wait for you to come back." Matt said.  
Miles paced his way to their meeting place as Alex sunk down into the corner, now squatting with his knees in his face. He realised then he'd burned holes in his trousers. He crammed 4 cigarettes in his mouth and lit them, feeling an overwhelming kick of nicotine surging through his veins. Miles poked his head around to see him there, Alex too dazed to realise Miles was there. He waved at Matt to tell him he was here.

Miles clicked his fingers in front of Alex's face, snapping him out of his daydream. He held his hand out, asking for the cigarettes. Alex sulked a little, and handed over the diminishing box and his lighter. However, to Alex's surprise, Miles pulled one out, lit it, and handed him back his things.~  
"Hard to quit, innit?" Miles said. "You haven't smoked much from them have you? Just them four I'm guessin."  
Alex pulled himself up and pointed to the floor, and to the empty packet in the corner.  
"Ah." Miles said, inhaling and exhaling though his nose.  
"Am sorry about ye face." Alex slurred, dropping the 4 cigarette butts on the floor and stomping them out, almost falling over.   
He pulled another out and lit it.  
"Have you seriously smoked here all day?"  
Alex nodded. He stepped forwards into Miles' face, and kissed the stitches on Miles' cheek.  
"Am really sorry bout that babe." He whispered, pulling Miles' face into his shoulder.  
Even though he was super high on nicotine, and clearly drunk too, Miles believed him.  
"Let's go home." Miles said, trying to lead Alex to the car.   
It was literally 15 steps away, but Alex struggled to walk. Miles could see the outline of the bottle in his pocket. He wrapped Alex's arm around his shoulders and tried to pull him. He still had a burning cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Matt saw Miles struggling and ran out to help him. Together they both dragged Alex to the car as he stumbled about. They buckled him into the backseat, and Miles jumped in the other side to sit next to him, should he have an accident.  
"Take us home Matt." Miles sighed, holding Alex up.

Matt quickly got them home and helped to get Alex back in. He helped Miles wash him and get him ready for bed, as if he was a small child.  
"You might wanna leave him a bucket. We both know what he'll be like in the morning." Matt said.  
"Good point."  
"Am I alright to stay for the night? I mean, I wanna help you look after Alex, and I'd have to take your car home anyway."  
"Aye, just sleep on the sofa. I'll get you the spare duvet."  
Miles went off and came back with a double duvet for Matt.  
"Night Miles."  
"Night Matt. Thanks for today, by the way."  
"No problem."  
As they talked, they could hear Alex throwing up.  
"I'll sort him out later." Miles sighed, flicking the living room light off. "Sleep well."


	6. All We Need Is Just A Little Patience.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ok Mr. Lyrical Genius, how do ya fancy writing some vows?"  
> "I'VE GOT THE PERFECT IDEA!" Alex yelled, frantically searching for a pen and paper.  
> He scribbled away, writing a rough idea he'd had in his head.  
> Miles snatched the piece of paper and ran to Matt who was just getting his jacket on.  
> "Can one of you give me a li-"  
> "Marry us." Miles said, throwing the piece of paper at Matt.  
> "I can't I'm not a vicar or something!"  
> "Just quickly say these. Please?" Alex begged.  
> "Ok but I gotta go, so make it quick."
> 
> Things are starting to look up again for the two after a few shenanigans here and there. Perhaps they just needed to slow down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I don't know why I keep writing about vomit. Probably need to put a disclaimer somewhere that you shouldn't eat before/during reading this. Sorry again. This chapter is loosely based on some other bands, so expect a little flair of my music taste to twist this. Specifically the song 'Patience' by Guns N' Roses. It's worth a listen.

Miles woke up to the sound of Alex running downstairs. Their room smelled of vomit. As Miles got up, he felt his own stomach churn.

“Open the fucking door!” Miles shouted, banging on the bathroom door.  
Alex unlocked it and crouched back over the bowl. Miles had no time to think. He just pushed Alex’s head out of the way as he too vomited. Soon they were fighting over the bowl.  
“My turn!” Alex said as he flung his head over the bowl again.  
“Oi!” Miles said, pushing Alex out of the way.  
If only they had another toilet.  
“What’s wrong with the bucket?”  
“Did you not see? It’s err...full.”  
The thought of an overflowing sick bucket made Miles throw up again. They both just gave up and sat halving the bowl.  
“What the hell were you drinking yesterday?”  
“Doesn't matter.”  
“Vodka doesn't do this to you.”  
“Doesn't matter. This was probably the fags.”  
“I’d rather you’d tell me than me going and finding out for myself.”  
“Yeah, you’d know a lot about that, wouldn't you?” Alex scorned.  
“Excuse me?” Miles said, sitting up a bit.  
“I’m sorry. My head’s pounding.”  
“Go have some breakfast.”  
“My stomach had committed suicide Miles”  
Miles laughed mockingly.  
“I’ll try to get some toast in me.”

Alex made some toast, buttered it, and put it on the table. He went through to the living room to get the laptop. The deadline for the wedding was fast approaching, and they seriously needed to sort things out.

“Al, can you make ‘es a brew?” Miles said, buttoning up his shirt and walking into the kitchen.  
As soon as he walked in, he saw Alex, dressing gown undone, face down asleep on his toast. Miles thought Alex looked adorable, and had to get a picture.  
“That’s going in the wedding book!” Miles chucked, putting his phone back.

As he was walking through to the living room to see Matt, he saw him run out of the bathroom and slam the door.  
“WHAT THE FUCK MILES! FLUSH NEXT TIME!”  
“Oh, that’s half Alex’s.”  
“What the fuck?!”  
“What? Have you never been in love? Have you never been so physically close to someone that their smells don't bother you?”  
“That’s just disgusting!”  
Miles was unaware of Alex now standing behind him.  
“Well I love Alex, every little bit of him, for what he is. When he’s drunk, when he’s sober, when he’s ill, when he’s fine, in town, in bed-”  
“I love you.” Alex said, snaking his arms around Miles and kissing his cheek, still with a piece of toast stuck to his cheek.  
“Lovely, but can you PLEASE get rid of that smell! I need a piss!”  
Miles laughed and went into the bathroom.  
“Go piss in a bush at the bottom of the garden. He’s gonna be a while if you want it as fresh as Jamie’s beats!” Alex joked, walking back through to the kitchen.

“Bathroom’s empty!” Miles said.  
Matt bolted in, slamming the door.  
“Miles,” Alex said from the kitchen. “Still wanna go to that place by the lake?”  
“Nah, rather have somewhere a bit prettier.”  
“Like where?”  
“Remember our 2nd date?”  
Alex cast his mind back.

Chillingham Castle. They went round together, scaring each other. Alex nearly pissed himself twice. The building itself was magnificent; and he remembered browsing through the wedding brochure they offered. They would be able to have the main banquet hall, the courtyard and the garden.  The garden was huge, the fountain was beautiful, the food was great and the rooms were stunning. Yes, it was ‘haunted’, but gee golly, what an amazing castle.

“You don't seriously mean that! It’s bloody amazing!”  
Miles bit his lips, smiled and nodded. Alex jumped up and hugged Miles.  
“I love you so much!”  
"Ok Mr. Lyrical Genius, how do ya fancy writing some vows?"  
"I'VE GOT THE PERFECT IDEA!" Alex yelled, frantically searching for a pen and paper.

 _Do you, (name) take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?_  
_I do._  
_And do you promise to keep him, love and comfort, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, fully and completely, and to be faithful until death do you part?_  
_I do._  
_(name) I give you this ring as a token of my commitment and ever-lasting love. (Repeat)_  
_I now pronounce you spouses for life._  
_You may kiss._

"Miles?! What do you think?"  
Miles snatched the piece of paper and ran to Matt who was just getting his jacket on.  
"Can one of you give me a li-"  
"Marry us." Miles said, throwing the piece of paper at Matt.  
"I can't I'm not a vicar or something!"  
"Just quickly say these. Please?" Alex begged.  
"Ok but I gotta go, so make it quick."

Alex and Miles stood looking at each other in front of Matt, holding hands.  
"Do you, Miles, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Matt sighed, tapping his foot.  
"I do!" Miles smiled, staring into Alex's eyes.  
"And do you promise to keep him, love and comfort, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, fully and completely, and to be faithful until death do you part?"  
"I DO!"  
"Rings?" Matt said, as Alex slid the ring off his finger and handed it to Miles.  
"Alex, I give you this ring as a token of my commitment and ever-lasting love."  
"THAT'S THEM! IT'S PERFECT!"Alex said, pulling Miles in for a kiss.  
"Can I please go now?" Matt sighed, looking everywhere but Alex and Miles. "I'll be in the car."  
Matt walked out.  
"You go. I need to get dressed."  
"Be back before you know it!"  
He kissed Alex, grabbed the keys and left.

Alex went to get dressed when he remembered the bucket. He took it downstairs and poured it down the toilet and washed it out. He then went and got dressed, and went back on the laptop to look at more wedding supplies when something caught his attention. It was a vinyl record player bundle with the Beatles, Green Day, Queen, Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, and the Last Shadow Puppets. He soon added it to his basket and checked 'same day delivery'. He couldn't wait to show Miles.

"Baaaaaack." Miles said, walking through the door.  
Alex closed the web browser and slammed the laptop shut.  
"Kitchen."  
"I phoned the castle on the way home. They're free this January."  
"Really? What day?" Alex said, sounding excited.  
"30th."  
"Oh." Alex sighed.  
"I'm joking." Miles said, smirking at Alex. "You're getting the best birthday ever Laa."  
Alex's face lit up as he leapt into Miles' arms.  
"I love you so much Mi." Alex said, crying in happiness.  
"I love you too Laa." Miles said, holding onto Alex.

It was times like these that they forgot Miles was dying.

"Let's sort everything out then." Miles said, pulling Alex to the living room.  
Alex sat down, letting Miles sit in his knee at a slight angle so Alex could see the laptop. He pulled a blanket over them both.  
"So we have the table bouquets, the suits, the date, the place, we just need the cake, the guests, the invites, the transport if we're not driving down, and if we are we're gonna want a hotel for the night. We also need the best man, and the, umm, other best man?!"  
"One best man is trouble enough. Who are we gonna pick?"  
"Maybe Matt? I mean, he's done a lot for us. Like driving me to hospital when you were dr-" Miles bit his tongue as soon as he realised what he was saying.  
"Yeah, he's a good man." Alex tried to pretend he didn't pay attention.  
He knew all too well how much of a terrible person he was being. He'd missed at least 10 of Miles' chemo sessions because he was drunk.  
"That just leaves food." Alex said.  
"They're providing it."  
"Why don't you ask them if they'll give us rooms for the night. They do accommodation."  
"Good idea!" Miles said, jumping up for the phone.

There was a knock on the door. Alex got up to answer it. It was the delivery van with the vinyl records and the player.  
"Mr. A Turner?" Asked the man.  
"Aye."  
"Just sign here and I can give you a parcel." He said, handing a clipboard to Alex.  
"Cheers mate." He said, taking the large box and shutting the door.  
He heard the van drive off again. 'That was pretty fast!' He thought.

"What's this then Al?"  
Too early for Christmas. That's 2 months away.  
"Just a little something for us."  
Alex took it through to the living room and handed Miles a penknife.  
"What? You want me to open it?!"  
"Go for it!"

Miles began with the box, slicing the tape open to reveal another box inside, with a large flat cardboard sleeve tucked to the side. He first pulled the big box out and began to open that. He sliced the tape and pulled the flaps open, revealing another box with the actual labelling on it.  
" A RECORD PLAYER?!" Miles said, smiling at Alex.  
"Keep going!"

Miles rapidly opened the box and pulled out the player, setting it on the coffee table. He then reached back in for the cardboard sleeve. Opening it, his face lit up as he eyed the first vinyl. 'G N' R Lies'. He threw it at Alex to put on. He then looked at the next ones. 'A Kind Of Magic'. 'Meet The Beatles!'. And then the next three. '¡Uno!', '¡Dos!' and '¡Tré!'. Then of course, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', and finally, 'Everything You've Come To Expect'.

"Why did you do this Laa?"  
"You've always said how you wanted a record player!"  
"True."  
Just as Miles answered, Alex sorted out the player. 'Patience' came blasting out into the living room. Miles grabbed Alex's arms. He couldn’t help but dance and sing along. He pulled Alex up close so he could whisper in his ear.  
"What about this Al?" He whispered, kissing Alex's cheek."  
"What about it?" Alex said puzzled.  
"For our first wedding dance?"  
"It's perfect."  
Even as the words faded, Alex still held Miles in his arms, swaying from side to side.

"You make me feel alive Laa." Miles sobbed, finally losing his cool after all these months that had passed.  
Alex had started to toughen up. He knew Miles was dying. He hated it, but he was starting to accept it. It was hard for him. He drank, he smoked, he took pills, just to forget he was losing Miles. But things were getting easier as the days went by.

"You sure do bring me back to life." Miles said as Alex cradled him like a baby. "Jesus Al, I love you so much. I really mean it."  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun Mi." Alex said, kissing Miles' neck.  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun _and back_." Miles said, smiling as he rested his head on Alex's shoulder.  
Alex pulled Miles back so he could look him in the eyes. With his thumb, he wiped away Miles' tears.  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun _and back_ **_twice_**."


	7. Secret Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are we staying in? Thought you wanted to go?" Miles said, seeming almost thrilled to stay at home.  
> "Well it's about time I fulfilled my promise."  
> "What promise?"  
> Alex put a knee either side of Miles' legs and pulled the blanket away from in between them. Miles shivered as the cold air blew against his chest. Alex slowly pulled away at the knot holding his dressing gown on.  
> "This promise." He whispered in his ear.  
> He scooped Miles up and carried him back to their bedroom, leaving their coffees to go cold.
> 
> After a few weeks of average life, and starting to adjust more to their new life, Alex remembers a promise he never fulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still sort of making this up as I go along. I hope this chapter will make you feel a bit better for a bit. I really want to say where this will go, but I still have no clue. Enjoy anyway!

Alex rolled over to check the clock. It wasn't on.  
"Clock's broke." He said, rolling over in bed, too tired to get up.  
"It's cold today!" Miles said, lifting up the duvet.  
"Well it is fucking November."  
"Still, the heating should be on."  
Neither of them knew what was going on. Alex was the first to get up and go downstairs. He flicked the switch on the kettle. Nothing happened. He opened the fridge. Not as cold as it should be.  
"Miles, put the TV on." Alex said, walking into the living room to see Miles fiddling with the plugs.  
"It's not coming on!" Miles said.  
"Power's gone, hasn't it." Alex sighed.  
"It'll be with the wind last night."  
"I'll go boil some water." Alex said, ignoring Miles.

Miles sat on the sofa, wrapping up in a blanket. He was checking through the wedding list again. The only thing they needed now was a cake. He'd had a few ideas. He had envisioned them on the top of the cake with red and black suits around a piano, or maybe holding guitars, with music sheets flying around. Or maybe just a giant guitar or piano. They were just thinking through ideas.

"Have you seen the time? It's 3pm!" Alex said, handing Miles a cup of coffee.  
"Christ!"  
"I'll phone Jamie, see if the party was today or tomorrow."  
"Sod's law it's today."  
If the party was on, they'd already be 1 hour late.

"Hi Jamie, yeah sorry, so it is? Well our electric's gone off, and we've slept in."  
Just then, Alex had an idea.  
"Yeah, would you mind if we just stayed at home then? We've  literally just got up. Right. See you later then."

Miles gave him a puzzled look.  
"Why are we staying in? Thought you wanted to go?" Miles said, seeming almost thrilled to stay at home.  
"Well it's about time I fulfilled my promise."  
"What promise?"  
Alex put a knee either side of Miles' legs and pulled the blanket away from in between them. Miles shivered as the cold air blew against his chest. Alex slowly pulled away at the knot holding his dressing gown on.  
"This promise." He whispered in his ear.  
He scooped Miles up and carried him back to their bedroom, leaving their coffees to go cold.

Alex walked in and put Miles on the bed.  
"I'll keep you nice and warm baby." Alex said, discarding his dressing gown altogether.  
Miles threw off his dressing gown.  
Alex slowly climbed on top of Miles until their noses were touching. He put a hand either side of Miles' head and began to kiss his lips, caressing them gently with his own. Miles' hands ran down Alex's back, holding on as their kiss intensified. Alex then slowly pulled away, and started kissing down Miles' chest, to his stomach, and then to just above his penis.

"Should I?" Alex asked, licking his lips and looking up from just above Miles' crotch.  
This view of him turned Miles on so much.  
"Yes, oh please yes!" Miles begged, tangling his fingers through Alex's hair.  
Alex took a breath and put the tip in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it before taking in more and more, rubbing Miles' length as he put it in his mouth. He then took it down his throat, Miles' hands guiding him up and down. He hummed lightly, sending vibrations through Miles' body.  
"Oh yes Laa. Right there!" Miles groaned, throwing his head back as Alex carried on.

He took it out his mouth for a quick breather, hot saliva and pre-cum dribbling down onto Miles' shaft. Alex felt his wild side start to come out, and enjoyed Miles' dick deep down his throat. Soon his dick ached for action, and he went back up to Miles' mouth for a kiss. He slid his hands underneath Miles' knees and lifted them onto his shoulder. He reached for the lube on the table and squirted some onto his penis, and Miles' entrance.

Carefully he put 1 finger in, feeling around and stretching Miles out. He then guided a second finger in, and then a third. Miles moaned in pleasure.  
"You like that baby? Want more?" Alex teased.  
"Oh yeah I want more!"  
He pulled out his fingers and made Miles suck them clean.  
"What do you want now?"  
"I want you inside of me Laa."  
"You want me to fuck you? Hmm?"  
"Yeah I do." Miles moaned, his breaths deep and heavy.

Alex teased him with the tip of his penis, pushing lightly against Miles, not hard enough to go inside. Miles reached his hands up to Alex's shoulders and forced himself down, desperate for Alex. He put the tip in, making Miles bite his lip and take a deep breath. He gently rocked in and out, working his way in. Miles grunted and groaned as Alex ploughed into him, throwing his head back and digging his nails into Alex's shoulders. He pushed Miles' legs off his shoulder and leaned forwards, allowing Miles to wrap his legs around his waist.

"This is where the fun starts to get better." Alex said in Miles' ear.  
Alex moved up a little more and held onto the bed frame. He thrust harder and faster with each passing moment, making Miles' eyes roll back and his spine arch as he hit the sweet spot within. Alex clenched his teeth, focusing on the pleasure growing in his groin. He could tell Miles was close now from the few audible words Miles was panting. Miles was frantically searching for something to grab onto as his orgasm approached. He latched his hands onto Alex's back and curled his toes, yelling Alex's name at the top of his lungs. Alex soon collapsed onto Miles, as both their orgasms boiled over.

"Alex." Miles said, gasping for breath.  
"Mmm hmm?" Alex hummed, sucking onto Miles' neck, making it bruise.  
"Tha' wa' great." He panted.  
"Did you see stars?"  
"Thousands."  
Miles started to suck on Alex's neck to return the favour. He bit down just enough to leave a mark that would last a while, branding Alex as his.  
"Love you." He said.  
"Love you more." Alex teased.  
"Love you most." Miles said, smacking a kiss on Alex's cheek before moving back onto his neck.

They heard the door knock.  
"Ehh, they can come back later." Alex said, still breathing heavily.  
"Not more parcels is it?!"  
"United Utilities!" A voice from outside said.  
"Fuck." Alex said, jumping up.  
Miles laughed as he watched Alex walk away. His knees knocked and he was dripping wet with sweat.

Alex walked to the door, pulling his dressing gown on and tying it. He opened the door.  
"Hi, I'm from United Utilities, I believe this area has been experiencing problems with the electricity?"  
The man looked up from the clipboard and saw Alex. Fuck ruffled hair, drenched in sweat, and still physically shaking. He looked shattered.  
"Didn't disturb you, did I?" He said awkwardly.  
"We're finished now, don’t worry!" Alex chuckled, inviting the man in.  
"I'm here to check a few of your appliances and your meter."  
"Meter's just here." Alex said, pointing to the cupboard by the stairs.  
Alex ran back off upstairs to their room. Miles was almost asleep.  
"Oi, get up!" He said, shaking Miles.  
"No chance babe, it's sleep time." Miles yawned  
"No, it's 3:30!"  
"So you want to suck my dick again?"  
"SHHHHH! He's still here!" Alex said, playfully slapping Miles.

Alex ran back downstairs to see the man sweating profusely while checking the meter.  
"Sure you don't want me to go?"  
"Don't mind him, he's being a bitch. Can I get you anything?"  
"No thanks." He smiled.  
As Alex walked past the mirror, he saw the reason why the man was so nervous. 7 bright purple hickies splattered across his neck. He pulled the dressing gown over them to try and hide them, but he simply couldn’t.  
"All done." The man smiled.  
Alex nervously shooed him out the house and went back to Miles.  
"You're dead."  
"Why?"  
Alex pointed to his neck. Miles just sniggered.  
"Oh behave." Alex said.  
"You look like a Dalmatian!" Miles said, breaking out into laughter.  
He started humming the Cruella De Vil theme as Alex's face reddened. Alex couldn't help but laugh too.

He dived onto Miles, giving him more hickies as Miles tried to push him off.  
"Get a shower, we’re going to the party."  
"But look at us!"  
"Don't care!"  
As Alex slid his dressing gown off again, Miles laughed. On the back of Alex's neck was his bite mark.  
"Mine now." Miles said, walking over and kissing him again.   
Miles yawned, and his stomach groaned. He wasn't feeling too good today.  
"C'mon, just let me stay in bed." Miles said, gently whispering into Alex's ear.  
"We ought to go!" Alex begged.  
"I'm too tired Al, you know damn well what this fucking chemo is doing to me! And anyway, why are you always making excuses to go to parties?"  
"Just wanna see the lads, yeah?" Alex said, trying to convince Miles that it was the truth.  
"Please stay." Miles begged.

Alex sighed. He really wanted to go. As much as he loved Miles, the cancer was taking a toll on him, and it was obvious. Miles knew Alex was upset. Alex's band mates knew he was upset. He'd sucked it up as best as he could, accepted the fact he'd lose Miles, but needed something more than words of help to cope. And his weapon of choice was alcohol. Late at night when Miles was fast asleep and he was still awake, he'd go to the kitchen, smoke, drink some vodka, swear he'd stop the next time, and repeat the same cycle almost nightly.

He had no idea he wasn't the only one resorting to chemicals to get by.

Miles' addiction was spiralling out of control. What started off as a few pills to get through the rough days soon turned into a few pills every day to keep him going. He was distraught knowing he'd be leaving Alex. He was his everything. He felt so guilty about it, even though there was nothing he could do. He had no doubt the pills were only trimming his lifespan, but he didn't care.

He had no idea he wasn't the only one resorting to chemicals to get by.

"I'll stay then," Alex said, throwing his arms around like a grounded teenager. "I'll just have a couple of drinks in the kitchen, ok?"  
Miles walked back over to the bed and sat down as Alex walked downstairs. He waited until he heard the kitchen door shut before swallowing a handful of pills. Alex, on the other hand, grabbed a bottle of vodka and sat against the door, opening it as fast as he could and gulping down a few mouthfuls. He'd drank so much he had to drink half a bottle to start feeling tipsy.

Both sat on the floor behind the doors to their addictions, clasping what made them feel happy again. Yeah, the sex was alright. But with the obvious elephant in the room, it was nice, well, less awkward to have some time apart.

Some called it ok to for them to act this way, after all, they were dealing with a lot. Others would call it the beginning of the end, after all, it was.


	8. Reckless Serenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Have you been drinking again?" Miles asked, leaning against Alex.  
> He brushed the back of his hand against Alex's scars.  
> "I'm sorry. It's just, I can't help it anymore Mi, y'know. It's like, a part of me, or something." He croaked.  
> "We'll leave it then." He said, not wanting Alex to drive now he'd had a drink, terrified it would happen again.
> 
> Go back a year. They had been to Jamie's new year's party. After Miles catches the scent of alcohol on Alex's breath, his mind flicks back to the accident...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was umming and ahhing over whether to upload this chapter or not, but let's do it. This skips a year out, but it makes sense. Enjoy! :)

"Ok, well, should we look?"  
"We're wearing the same suits Laa."  
"Still, isn't it bad luck?"  
"That's for the bride, and last time I checked, neither of us were the bride."  
"True."

With the wedding just around the corner, Miles had to try on their suits. He'd had his suit on before, only to send it back for adjustments. He'd told Alex because he had to get the suits back to the shop somehow, and there was no point hiding anymore. Alex was the newbie to the suits. They an alright fit. Well, for today anyway. Miles had lost a lot of weight after he was first measured. The chemo had made his appetite disappear and his stomach churn even with the smallest of foods. He had to try hard to keep milkshake-meals down. That, and of course, the stress after what happened.

"Ok, on the count of three we turn around. One, two, three!" Miles said, spinning around in the bedroom.  
The suit looked flawless on Alex, of course. His body hadn’t changed. Miles', on the other hand, was slightly baggy.  
"Should we take it back?" Alex said, pulling at the fabric on Miles' knee.  
Miles hated this. Alex's clothes no longer fitted the way they used to. It was all baggy.  Even his own clothes felt weird on his skin. It was as if he wasn't in his own skin, or someone had shrunk him.  
"The wedding's in 4 days! I doubt they'll fix it in time!"  
Alex walked over to Miles for a hug. Miles could smell alcohol on his breath. Again.  
"Have you been drinking again?" Miles asked, leaning against Alex.  
He brushed the back of his hand against Alex's scars.  
"I'm sorry. It's just, I can't help it anymore Mi, y'know. It's like, a part of me, or something." He croaked.  
"We'll leave it then." He said, not wanting Alex to drive now he'd had a drink, terrified _it_ would happen again.

Go back a year. They had been to Jamie's new year's party.

\-----

_"Come on Miles, time to go!" Alex said, pulling Miles out the living room with a rough hand._  
_He was drunk. Very drunk. They'd been celebrating the new year with the lads. Less than a week to the wedding.  Alex  staggered along the corridor to the door, bumping into the walls. Miles was reluctant to follow, but did anyway. He wasn't prepared to cross a drunken Alex._

_He got in the passenger side as Alex fell into the driver's seat. His hands shook as he tried to get the key in._  
_"Alex, love, don't you think Matt or someone can drive?"_  
_"I can drive Mi, I only had a few drinks." Alex slurred._  
_"Please, Al, get a taxi!"_  
_"I'm fine, now shhhh!" Alex said, pressing a finger into Miles' face._

_The car crunched as Alex changed gear, not even bothering with the clutch. Miles nervously checked the speedometer._  
_40._  
_60._  
_80._  
_90._  
_They flew past cars._  
_"Alex, please, pull over!"_  
_Alex carried on, speeding up._  
_They hit 100mph._  
_"Alex! Stop! Pull over!" Miles begged, clinging onto the handle above his head in fear._  
_105._  
_110._  
_"Alex!"_  
_112._  
_115._  
_120._  
_Miles started panicking. His heart was racing, blood rushing around his head. His hands shook. His forehead became damp. He was sure he's piss himself if Alex didn't stop._  
_"Almost…" Alex said, crunching the gears into 5th._  
_140._  
_145._  
_150mph._  
_"ALEX I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CALL OF THIS FUCKING WEDDING IF YOU DON'T STOP!" Miles screamed, his voice quavering as the engine roared._

_They were fast approaching a round-about.  
"ALEX! FOR FUCKS SAKE! STOP! **WE'RE GONNA DIE!** " Miles shrieked._

_Alex slammed on the breaks, but it wasn't enough to stop._  
_They drove straight over the round-about at 70mph._  
_They drove straight into the lamppost at 40mph._  
_The tyres were smoking._  
_The airbags had been deployed._  
_Both Alex and Miles had hit the windshield._

_Sirens woke Miles up. He opened his eyes to see blood everywhere. He looked at Alex and screamed. Mouth agape. Eyes shut. Head covered in blood._

_A paramedic came over and held Miles' neck up. They talked to him, but he was still in shock at what had happened. A fire engine came to cut the roof off. Alex was the first to be removed. Miles was positive Alex was dead._

_He woke up in hospital. A drip in his arm. He looked around. He was alone. His ECG beeped, bringing him back to earth. There was an orange button under his finger. He couldn’t see it, but recognised it from previous hospital visits. He pushed it, knowing he may very well be told Alex didn't make it._

_"Ah, Mr. Kane. Welcome back. Can I help you?" A man asked, walking in and sitting next to Miles._  
_"What day is it? How long have I been here?"_  
_"You've been out for a few days." The nurse replied_  
_"What day is it?" He said, a little firmer._  
_"5th January. I believe you had a wedding planned?"_  
_"Yeah, will I, can I, is he?"_  
_"Don't worry. A Mr. Cook has sorted everything out for you. It's been cancelled for now."_  
_"Is he?"_  
_"Is who what Mr Kane?"_  
_" Is he alive?"_  
_"Ahh, he's just asleep."_  
_"Take me to him." Miles demanded, trying to get out of his bed._  
_"Now, now, Mr. Kane, you're going to need a wheelchair." He said, walking away to get a wheelchair._  
_Miles tried to bend his knees. They were fine. He tried to bend his ankles. They wouldn't budge._

_The nurse came back._  
_"Here you go. Let me help you."_  
_The nurse put an arm around Miles and aided him into the wheelchair. He could then see the two white casts on his legs. The nurse hooked the drip to the back and pushed Miles out._

_"Now then," A voice said, coming up behind Miles._  
_It was a police woman. She came and kneeled in front of Miles._  
_"Can you remember much of what happened?" She asked._  
_Miles shrugged his shoulders._  
_"A bit."_  
_"Right. Well, we have every reason to believe this was a drunk driving accident. We took blood samples from you and him and only he came back positive, so I'm guessing you got in knowing he was drunk?"_  
_"Aye. I were scared to cross him though. He's done crazy things before."_  
_"Can you give me an example please?"_  
_Miles really didn't want to answer. He didn't want to get Alex in more shit than he was already in._  
_"He can get a little violent sometimes if you don't do what he wants. That’s only after a few drinks though."_  
_"Ok. Now, can you give me any reason why he might have seen it ok to drive while under the influence of alcohol?"_  
_Miles gulped. He couldn't hold his tongue back anymore._  
_"He's struggling, yeah? All this cancer, it's been a shock to him. He can't cope without the drink and he likes parties where he can get away with it. He tries to hide it, but I can smell it on his mouth, yeah? Imagine if it were you, I mean, he just wants to give up. I do as well to be honest. He might have even done this because he wanted it to be over, y'know, like he just didn’t want us to feel pain anymore." Miles confessed, hanging his head._  
_"Well thank you Mr. Kane. I'll leave you here."_  
_She walked away. The nurse pushed Miles into Alex's room._

_"Here he is."  
Alex was a lot worse. His face had stitches all down one side. His arms had casts on. His legs had casts on. He was strapped to a spinal board. He had 2 drips. His ECG was hooked straight up to his chest. He had an oxygen mask._

_"I'll leave you here," The nurse said, pushing Miles towards Alex's bed, leaving._

_"Al, if you can hear me, pay close attention." Miles said, putting his hand on Alex's. "That crash, your drinking, your bad habits, it needs to stop. I'll be honest here. I do have the occasional ciggie every now and then. Fuck it Al, it's about time I came clean. I take pills. Hide them in our room. Helps me get by. And I know you drink. I know you smoke. I can smell it. Fuck Al, you scared me. Please, please, never do that again. Promise me you'll call a taxi, or get someone else. Promise me Laa. I thought you were dead. I was lying there in the other room trying to prepare myself for them coming in. We keep too many secrets from each other Laa. Let's start fresh. Just slow down. Love each other one day at a time. No more secret fags. It’s time to quit. And no more drinking, please. And I promise I won’t go all funny on pills again. Please Laa."_  
_Alex pulled up a hand to his mask and took it off._  
_"Am so sorry Mi. You're right. I shouldn't have drove." He whispered. "I wish I could turn my head to look you in the eyes. Christ Miles, I'm so fucking sorry."_  
_Miles watched a tear roll down the side of his cheek, getting lost in the head blocks keeping him held down._

_"I'm sorry too Laa."_  
_"No Miles. You haven't fucked up. I'll have to go to court. I'll lose my license, I won't be able to take you to hospital anymore. I'll probably be locked up for years. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm the one who did this to you." Alex cried. "You've been out longer than me, haven't you?"_  
_"Well I only woke up today-"_  
_"Did the police talk to you?"_  
_"Just then."_  
_"They've already got enough to put me behind bars."_  
_Miles held Alex's hand, half covered in a cast. He pulled Alex's hand up to his lips and kissed them._  
_" What's wrong with you?!" Alex said, his voice breaking._  
_"I don’t understand what you mean Al-"_  
_"Where are you hurt?"_  
_Miles took a deep breath. "Two broken legs beneath the knees."_  
_"And what's your face like?"_  
_"I haven't seen it." Miles said, pulling his hand back and feeling his face._  
_"There's a mirror in the top draw. I use it to look at the stitches on the side of my head."_

_Miles pulled it out and looked in it. A few stitches on his forehead. A few on his eyebrows, and a couple on his chin._  
_"Forehead, eyebrows, chin."_  
_"Thank god your face is alright." Alex said. "Have you seen the side of my face?"_  
_"The stitches down the side of your face look fine Laa."_  
_"Other side." Alex sighed._

_Miles wheeled himself over and gasped at the side of his face. A patch of skin had been ripped down his face and stitched back into place._  
_"I look like Frankenstein, don't I?"_  
_"Don’t say that. It's not too bad."_  
_Miles pushed himself up a little to kiss Alex's cheek._  
_"I asked Jamie to cancel the wedding for now. Your ring's in my top draw with mine. They had to take them off."_

_\---_

_Alex went to court. 12 month driving ban and a fine of £5,000. He'd be spending 10 months in a wheelchair anyway, like Miles._

_\-----_

_Cut back to a year later. It was now approximately 3 years until Miles was going to die._

"I know I promised I wouldn't drink again, but Mi, I can't help it."  
Miles hated Alex's drinking habits. But he didn't know what to do himself.  
"Just hold it together for the wedding. Can you do that much?"  
"I'll try." Alex sighed.  
"No, you will." Miles said.  
"Here’s a good one," Alex said. "How come there's less pills in the draw than last time?"  
"Touché." Miles said, admitting defeat.  
"Just as long as you don't take mine." Alex said, heading downstairs.  
"What are yours for anyway? I mean, you have 3 full boxes. There is one opened, but what are they for?" Miles said, following.  
Alex was popping 2 out of the tray.  
"Me shoulder. From when was drunk that time and fell over and smashed it on the pavement."  
"It's still playing up?" Miles said, reading the label on the box.  
Alex put them into his mouth and washed them down with a glass of water.  
"I'm off to bed then."  
"It's only 7!" Miles said, looking at Alex funny.  
"These make you drowsy Mi. It's why I hardly ever take them."  
"Ah. Goodnight then. I'll probably watch something on tv. You could stay down if you want. I need my portable radiator."  
"Go on then. Let me get changed first."

They ended up falling asleep wrapped around each other on the sofa, wearing their dressing gowns.

3 days to go now until the wedding.


	9. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guests assumed their positions in the castle gardens, lining up by the hedges. Miles waited with Alex at the bottom of the aisle, prepared for the musical cue.  
> "Ready?" Miles said, holding out his shaking hand.  
> "Ready as I'll ever be." Alex said, taking his hand in his own.
> 
> It was the big day. No turning back. And what the hell, it's their wedding after all. Let them go wild...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating this sooner! I have been so busy trying to sort my life out, but here is PART 1 OF 2 that is the epic of the wedding. It's as nice as I could make it. Enjoy!

"Wake up Mi, it’s the big day!" Alex said, grinning and shaking Miles.  
He groaned and stretched his arms and pulled Alex in for a hug.  
"Sure is!" he said, crawling out of bed.

Alex was so excited. He could forget the cancer and just live in the moment. He bounced around the room, grabbing Miles and pulling him up. In the past three days, Miles had grown even thinner and weaker, but not even that could stop Alex's infectious enthusiasm from spreading to him. Alex spun round and round, hair whirling around his face. He leaned out, speeding up. Miles let go and made a quick exit for the bathroom.

"Sorry!" Alex shouted, ashamed of his inability to see that coming.  
"You're fine Laa." Miles shouted back.

Alex skipped to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Miles soon joined him. For some reason, the atmosphere felt genuinely pleasant. Alex's smile was real. Miles' happiness was real. And for a brief moment, they realised the world they had been missing out on. Over thinking tomorrow, sweating the small stuff, and never living in the moment.  
"Isn't it nice?" Alex said, pouring two coffees.  
Miles scratched his bald head.  
"T'is, you're right."  
Alex scraped his chair around the table to sit adjacent to Miles, instead of opposite him. He wrapped his arm around Miles' shoulders.

"It's just lovely." Alex said, sipping his coffee and kissing Miles with his hot lips.  
What little stubble was on Alex's face scratched against Miles, tickling him. He'd gotten used to not having much hair. Or any, to be fair.  
"It's just right Laa, it is." Miles said, leaning on Alex's shoulder.  
The sun shone straight into the kitchen via the window. Birds sang their morning songs outside, pecking at the dewy grass. The sky was bright blue and completely cloudless. A perfect day for a wedding.

There was a knock at the door. Alex got up and opened it and was greeted by a small, old lady.  
"Are you a, uhh, Mr. Kane?" She asked, looking at a crumpled piece of paper in her hand.  
"Not yet!" He joked, as Miles walked through.  
"Is this the cake Pam?" Miles said, stepping out onto the path.  
"Yes, would you like me to take it to the venue?" She said, walking towards a parked car with the boot open.  
Classical FM was blaring out of her radio.  
"To Chillingham if you don't mind." Miles said, looking at the cake in the boot. "Jesus Pam! You've really out-done yourself with that cake!"  
"He'll love it, won't he?! And it's no problem petal, see you in a few hours!" She cackled, climbing back into the car.  
"Bye bye!" Miles said, waving her off.  
"Tease." Alex said, poking Miles.  
"Patience, love, patience!"

They both got ready soon after, dolling each other up to look spick and span. Miles helped do Alex's hair. He looked stunning. Their matching suits made everything suddenly feel so much more real. Now, they looked in the mirror and saw two perfect Mr. Kanes.

The decision for Alex to take Miles' name was made a few months after the accident, after Miles had the idea that it was a part of him Alex could keep. A part of Miles that would live on.

Soon the guests started arriving. First Miles' parents, then Alex's, then the rest of the band. They were thankful the living room was huge. As Alex was stood in the kitchen making cups of tea to help pass the time, Miles came over, hugging him from behind.

"I can't believe we're getting married at last!" Miles said.

From the living room, if you leaned back far enough on the main sofa, you could see directly into the kitchen, and even see Miles and Alex stealing a few kisses.

"Adorable." Alex's mum said, smiling at Miles' mum.  
"I'm happy for them. Happy Miles has someone to look after him." Miles' mum added.  
"Alex never talks much about Miles at the moment. Do you know how he's been?"  
"I know he's been up and down a while. Anyway, that's not why we're here!" She said, trying to steer the conversation away from her dying son.  
"Yes, sorry."  
"Here you go mum!" Alex said, carrying cups of tea.  
He gave one to his dad as Miles followed suit. As soon as Miles got rid of the tea, he couldn't keep his hands off Alex.  
"Boys!" Miles' dad said sarcastically, as if he was scolding teenagers. "Not yet!"  
Both Alex and Miles fell into fits of laughter.  
"Where's the honeymoon chickpea?" Alex's mum asked.  
"We're not having one." Alex sighed.  
"Not having a honeymoon?!" Miles' mum yelled, almost spilling her tea. "Why the devil not!?"  
Miles fidgeted with his hands for a second before looking up at his mum. "Doctor's wanna start me on more chemo."  
"Ohhh, right." Miles' mum said apologetically.  
Alex checked his watch. "Come on then, the limousines are gonna be here now!" Alex said, ushering out the guests.

The drive was long and tedious, and Alex and Miles couldn't stand being apart. There was even a few times Miles nearly made the driver pull over so he could see Alex. But they got there, ready for the best day ever.

The guests assumed their positions in the castle gardens, lining up by the hedges. Miles waited with Alex at the bottom of the aisle, prepared for the musical cue.  
"Ready?" Miles said, holding out his shaking hand.  
"Ready as I'll ever be." Alex said, taking his hand in his own.

The music began. Miles and Alex began walking in unison down the aisle, heads held high, smiles beaming off their faces. They both could hardly contain their excitement. They soon were at the top, facing each other, listening for the parts where they had to speak. They were snapped out of their reverie once the cleric made the announcement.

"And now the exchange of the vows."  
Miles squeezed Alex's hand. _This was real_ he thought.  
"Do you, Miles Peter Kane, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do." He said, smiling.  
"And do you promise to keep him, love and comfort him, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, fully and completely, and to be faithful until death do you part?"  
"I do."  
The cleric turned to face Alex.  
"Do you, Alexander David Turner, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do." Alex said, almost bursting with joy.  
"And do you promise to keep him, love and comfort him, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, fully and completely, and to be faithful until death do you part?"  
"I do."

"Now for the rings." He said, producing the two rings from his stand.  
He passed the first one to Miles.  
"Alexander David Turner, I give you this ring as a token of my commitment and ever-lasting love." He said, shaking hands sliding the ring onto Alex's finger.  
The cleric then gave Alex the second ring.  
"Miles Peter Kane, I give you this ring as a token of my commitment and ever-lasting love."  
Alex's similar shaky hands slid the ring onto Miles' finger. _  
_ "I now pronounce you spouses for life. You may now kiss."

Miles let go of Alex's hands and wrapped around Alex's torso as he pulled him in for the kiss of his life.  
All the guests rose, cheering and clapping as Miles and Alex became one.  
"Congratulations, Miles and Alex Kane!"  
There was a way that _Alex Kane_ rolled off the cleric's tongue that made him melt inside.

They headed off into the main banquet hall for their meal. It was Matt's time to get into the spotlight and deliver his best man speech. They had decided to make it Matt after all he did for them, helping them out whenever he could.

He stood, cleared his throat, and began.  
"To Mr & Mr Kane. Well, that was a strange thing to say, but there you go. To Mr & Mr Kane. If you had asked me 4 years ago if Miles and Alex were going to get married, I'd probably tell you to fuck off and get real. Then somewhere, amidst the remains of the first brainchild of _The Last Shadow Puppets_ , a spark was ignited. And together, they kindled this spark. And after years of kindling this spark, a wonderful bond was created. A relationship of great magnitude. And within the great tragedy that struck the heart of this spark, a great strength was discovered. Strength to plough on through this and show the world how powerful a few indie rock stars could be."  
He was well aware that half of this was bullshit, but he had to make it seem like there wasn't too much of an issue. He had to make it easy on their parents, after all.  
"And this day, this glorious day, this beautiful day, is not only the birthday of one of the greatest people I know, but the wedding day of the 2 greatest people I know. Things were rough, but you banded together to show not even cancer could destroy the love you share. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a testimony to the great human spirit these men share. Now I raise my glass, and I raise it to Miles Kane; A wonderfully skilled musician, and a man with more strength than 10 body builders. And I raise my glass to Alex Kane; An equally talented musician, and a man who has the ability to put right his wrongs in the name of love. To Mr & Mr Kane!"  
The room echoed his final words as Miles and Alex kissed again, smiling from ear to ear.

Yes, some of it was complete and utter bullshit, but it was the nicest bullshit they had ever heard.

Miles looked over at the band and nodded. It was time. He stood up and reached his hand out to Alex.  
"Care to join me for a dance, Mr. Kane?!" He smiled, pulling Alex up.  
As they got to the dance floor, Alex knew exactly what song they were playing. Patience, by Guns N' Roses.

_"Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you, I'm still alright to smile. Boy, I think about you every day now. Was a time when I wasn't sure, but you set my mind at ease. There is no doubt you're in my heart now"_

Miles put his hands on Alex's hips, guiding him with each step he took. Alex placed his hands on Miles' shoulders, caressing them gently with his thumbs. They felt as if they were floating, staring straight into each other's eyes. They gently swayed in time to the music, daring for a spin every so often. They leaned in closer, foreheads touching.  
"God I fucking love you Miles."  
"I love you more."  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun." Miles joked, reminding Alex of the first time they danced to this song.  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun and back."  
"I love you more than the distance to the sun and back twice." Miles said, kissing Alex.  
Alex caressed the back of Miles' neck, stroking what should be the start of his scalp. Miles melted into him, gripping Alex's sides harder.

They finished their dance with another kiss, and sat down again, waiting for the woman with the cake, and the food. The food came first.

Alex had almost finished when he looked at Miles, pushing peas across his plate with his fork.  
"You alrigh' babe?"  
"Not hungry, that's all." Miles sighed.  
"Well do you want a drink? Glass of orange? A little glass of champagne?"  
"Go on then, just a little glass of bubbly."  
Alex poured a little for Miles, and a rather large glass for himself.  
"Fuck it." Miles laughed, grabbing the champagne bottle from Alex and filling his glass to the brim. "It's my wedding after all!"  
"Cheers!" Alex said, clinking glasses with Miles, nearly spilling.  
"Cheers!" Miles echoed.  
The taste of alcohol made Miles' taste buds tingle. He'd missed the buzz of it, and being drunk. Once he'd had one glass, he had to have another. And another. Soon he was on his fourth, keeping up with Alex.  
"Cake!" Miles yelled, seeing a butler cart through an extravagant cake.

Alex looked up gobsmacked. The cake was white, 3 tiered, with red and black decals. Rose petals. Roses. Roses made of icing. Bow ties. And further up, music sheets. Music notes. Gold decals. And right at the top, two dashing men with matching suits holding hands with gold rings on.  
"HOLY…HOLY SHIT MILES!" Alex yelled, jumping up.  
They made their way to the cake, posed a few times, and cut it together. Miles kept smiling and hugging Alex by the waist. Alex missed drunk Miles. He was so care-free, loving, sexy…  
"Come on, lets go!" Miles said, pulling the icing men off the top.  
"Miles!" Alex said, trying to take the men back to put back on.  
"I'll let you eat me." Miles said, winking.  
Alex couldn't help but laugh, and walked back to their seats. The dance floor was starting to fill.

"Are you going to eat me Miles?" Alex said, eating Mini-Miles' left leg.  
"Of course." Miles said, leaning over Alex and biting Mini-Alex's legs off while staring into his eyes.  
"Tonight," Alex said, glancing around to make sure no one was looking. "I'll eat every inch of you."  
"Not if I eat you first!" Miles giggled sexily, still making eye contact with Alex.  
"I like that!" Alex chuckled, biting Mini-Miles' arms off.


	10. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a follow on from the previous chapter. I'm not sure what will happen next, but I'll figure something out. Enjoy!

As the night drew on, they drank more champagne, danced, and ate their cake.  
"When can we go?" Miles said, staring deep into Alex's eyes.  
"Soon, why?"  
Miles leaned in really close to Alex, almost able to bite his ear off.  
"Because I really want to eat you." Miles whispered, caressing Alex's groin.  
Alex bit his lip and smirked. "Come with me."  
Alex led Miles through the crowd to the toilets.

He pushed open the door and was met with dim, ominous lights. Miles grabbed onto him and pushed Alex into the cubicle. He immediately pounced onto him, snogging him deeply and passionately. He broke off, lips wet and dripping. Alex was now sat on the lid of the toilet, spreading his legs wide as Miles began to un-buckle his belt, then unbutton his trousers, and pulled the zip down with his teeth.  
"Oh baby, you make me so horny."  
Miles laughed, feeling Alex's throbbing dick beneath his chin.  
He carefully pulled down his boxers, revealing Alex's member in all of it's glory. He held his hand up to Alex's mouth, and he spat in it. Miles began to drip Alex's spit all over his dick, before rubbing it all over.

"Oh Miles…" Alex trailed off as Miles blew on the top.  
He licked it for a few seconds before taking the tip in his mouth. Alex placed his hands on Miles' head, pushing him down onto his dick. Miles hummed, making Alex groan in pleasure.  
"Oh Miiii…yess…m…m…Milesss…" Alex moaned, guiding Miles' head as he bobbed up and down.

Alex was soon on the edge of his orgasm, and he could feel himself boiling up.  
"Oh Miles…baby yess…yes I'mm…I'm gonnah…ah…ah…cum baby…mmm…"  
Miles sped up just a little, and sucked harder. Alex threw his arms up and clawed at the walls of the cubicle.  
"Mmmmmmmmiles!" Alex moaned, thrusting up into Miles' mouth.  
Miles took Alex's length right down to his base, licking the top of his balls. He gently dug his teeth into Alex's dick and sucked up and down again.  
"Mhh…mhhh…Miles!" Alex yelled, his voice echoing around as he came in Miles' mouth.  
Miles licked up every drop, sucking and tugging at Alex's dick, making it last as long as he could. Alex slumped down onto the floor, knees wobbling a little.  
"Oh Miles, you know how to treat me right!" Alex said, gasping for breath between each word.  
Miles looked Alex in the eyes and smiled; his lips dripping with cum.  
"Of course I do." Miles said sexily, licking Alex's cheek and kissing him hard.

As he kissed, they became sloppier and sloppier, and Miles moved down to Alex's neck. He sucked and nibbled, leaving a few purple marks.  
"Mine!" He jokingly growled, biting Alex's jaw.  
Alex was still busy catching his breath, holding onto Miles. Miles moved back up to Alex's lips, combing his fingers through Alex's hair. He helped Alex re-dress and stand back up. His knees still knocked.  
"Blame the alcohol." Alex chuckled, sliding open the lock on the door.

Alex and Miles walked back to their seats hanging off each other, laughing. They got back, sat down and continued eating the mini icing versions of themselves.  
"I can't bloody wait until tonight." Alex said, licking the mini Miles.  
"I might have to sleep first, you know, with the-"  
"Well tomorrow night or something."  
"Sounds good to me."

They had another glass of champagne each and got up and danced some more. They kept eyeing up the table of wedding gifts, eager to open them, but knowing they had promised to open them after they had got back. Somewhere special. Somewhere private.

"So guys, how do you feel!?" A drunken Nick said, staggering over holding his fifth, no, sixth pint.  
"Buzzin' like!" Miles said, wrapping his arm around Alex.  
"I feel like I've just had a blowie!" Alex said, looking at Miles and laughing.  
"Well I'll leave you alone again. Just wanted to say congrats!"  
And with that, Nick staggered back, finishing his pint and going for another.

"Don't suppose you want a fag?" Alex asked hesitantly.  
"Oh give me one now." Miles said, snatching the box off Alex, putting one between his lips and heading for the door.

Once they got there, Miles' parents showed up.  
"Miles, honey, ye should stop tha'!" His mum said, pulling the cigarette from his lips.  
"Let me husband do what he wants!" Alex chuckled, pulling the cigarette back an putting it back into Miles' mouth.  
"Just be careful, son, yeah? Call us whenever you need it. Especially if he's being a dick to you." Miles' dad scorned.  
He still hated Alex. He resented the way he was reckless, immature, and especially his relaxed attitude to smoking and drinking.  
"Dad, Alex loves me a lot, and I love him, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with him!" Miles whined.  
"Alex," Miles' dad said. "Come with me."  
It had suddenly dawned on Alex that Miles' dad hadn't _spoken_ to him. Even though Alex was considered the 'bottom', he was certainly the one capable of dealing the most damage.

"Alexander. Where do I begin?" Miles' dad said, walking out of the courtyard and into the field outside.  
"Wherever you'd like to start I su-"  
Once they were out of sight, Miles' dad grabbed Alex by the throat. The purple marks Miles had left were clearly visible to Miles' dad. He pulled Alex up to his face.  
"If you _ever_  hurt my son again, laddie, if you _ever_ drink-drive, ever OD and break what's left of his heart, I will come to your house and make sure you're no longer an issue. If you fucking drink and beat him up, I will do the _exact_ same to you. If you lay a finger on him without his permission, I will do the same to you. You hear me boy?!"  
Alex nodded.  
"I can't hear your nod lad!" He said, slapping Alex with his spare hand.  
"Y…yes…sorry…I promise…" Alex choked, gasping for air.  
Now Miles' dad had left purple marks of his own.  
"I've got my eyes on you laddie. Don't  you  fucking  dare  try  to  hide  it. Don't   you   fucking   d a r e   hurt   my   Miles. _Understood_?"  
"Y..yes."  
"Now fuck off."  
Alex ran back to where he was previously.

"Miles, come with me." Alex said, grabbing Miles' arm and running back to the toilets.  
"Wanting more?!" Miles said, teasing Alex.  
As soon as they got there, Alex showed Miles his neck, now with 4 finger-shaped bruises around his windpipe.  
"Your dad wants me dead!"  
"What!?" Miles said, shocked. "No no no, not my dad."  
"Miles, I'm serious! He said if I ever hurt you, he'd do the same to me!"  
"Well, just don't hurt me."  
"I'm sorry, but I just, don't get along with him, ok?"  
"Why are you acting like he's going to kill you now?"  
"Sorry, just shaken up."  
"Oh babe, don't worry. He's probably just drunk or something."  
"I hope you're right."  
At that moment, Miles' dad walked in.  
"What you talking about?"  
"This and that." Alex said.  
"Nothing much." Miles added.  
"I can't even join in?"  
"No." Alex said politely.  
"Why are you threatening Alex, dad!?"  
Alex blushed and spun around. Miles had already closed the distance between Alex and his dad.  
"What?!"  
"Why are you threatening my husband on our wedding day!?"  
"Well just look at his face! Look at yours! Both of your faces scarred because of HIM!"  
"DAD!"  
"It's the truth! If your Mr. Perfect over there hadn't of drove drunk you would've had this wedding last year!"  
Alex knew Miles was going to throw a punch in his semi drunken state, and quickly threw himself over towards Miles' dad. Miles threw a fist out before he realised Alex had moved in the way.

"Alex? Alex! I'm so sorry Alex!"  
He was lying on the floor.  
"Jesus Christ, I'll take some of that back! HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT TOO!" Miles' dad bellowed, kicking Alex.  
"DAD JUST FUCKING STOP AND FUCK OFF!"  
Alex was still dizzy, but could half make out a crying Miles and a distorted figure leaving.  
"Alex I'm so sorry I, I, I didn't think you'd moved!"  
Alex started pushing himself up.  
"What's a wedding without some drama, eh?"  
"He's not usually like this, he's probably drank something Al, please forgive me."  
"Miles, you're fine. Really. Come on. Lets head off. I don't know about you, but I'm about ready to go."  
"Oh thank god it's not just me!" Miles said, yawning. "I'm absolutely shattered."  
Alex hoisted himself up onto his feet.  
"Do you wanna start saying to people we're heading off and I'll help load up the limo?"  
"Aye. Sure you're ok? Oh shit Al I'm so sorry! You're bleeding!"  
"It's ok, really. Don't worry!"  
He turned and started cleaning up as Miles left.

"Yeah, we're both tired."

"Aye, it's about time we left."

"Time to head off before it gets to the point we fall asleep!"

"Yeah we're ready to just chill out at home and go to bed."

"See ya!"

"Thanks for coming!"

"Have a safe night back to you too!"

"Thanks for the blessing."

"Bye!"

"Limo's loaded, and my parents are in charge. Ready?"  
"Yup."

They thought the long drive home would be all kissing and cuddling, but it was more Miles drifting off to sleep, waking up, needing to vomit, and drifting off again. They gave up after 1 hour and stopped off at a petrol station to pick up a bucket.  
"Shhh Miles' you're ok."  
Miles was sat leaning against Alex, and Alex had the sick bucket in his lap. He didn't mind.  
"I bet it was the champagne."  
"Me too."  
Miles just sat there, sick as a parrot, as Alex comforted him.

The car stopped outside their house. Both Alex Miles had drifted off peacefully. Thank god the bucket didn't spill. The driver saw they were both flat out and decided to just help out before waking them up. He'd placed all of the wedding gifts inside and taken care of the bucket before waking Alex up. He squirmed a little, undid both his and Miles' belts and woke Miles up enough for him to notice Alex carrying him into the house.  
"I know it's probably supposed to be you carrying me, but hay, welcome home _husband_." Alex whispered.  
He laid Miles on the sofa and waved off the limousine.

"Al," Miles said from the living room, huddled up cold. "Come here a sec."  
"Yeah babe?" Alex said, covering Miles with his warm jacket and turning on the fire.  
"No, come here." Miles said groggily, wrapping Alex's jacket around him.  
"Yeah?" He whispered, holding Miles' hands while kneeling in front of him.  
Miles pulled one hand away to inspect Alex's face where he'd accidentally punched him.  
"I'm so sorry babe, really, I didn't mean to." He sobbed, kissing the small slit on Alex's face. "Your pretty face is going to bruise now. Alex I'm so sorry."  
"Shhh, it's ok." Alex said, scooping Miles up and carrying him to the bathroom.  
"What are you doing?" Miles asked, yawning again.  
"I need help to put a plaster on. And I'll make sure you're ok."  
"What? Why?" Miles asked puzzled.  
"You've got a little bit of sick on your chin. It's ok."

Alex gave Miles a cloth to wipe his face with as he looked for plasters in the first aid cupboard. Suddenly a bottle of pills fell on the floor, scattering everywhere.  
"Shit!" Alex said, crouching down to pick them up.  
"Alex! Your head!" Miles said, seeing dried blood on Alex's scalp. "Oh Laa it's all my fault!"  
"Shhh! Come here you," Alex said, calming Miles and pulling him in for a hug. "It's not. Look, let's just forget this happened Mi. I know it was a bad day to happen, but relax. We've just got married for god's sake!"  
Miles chuckled a little in reply. "'Suppose you're right, Mr. Kane."  
Alex smiled, planted a kiss on Miles' cheek and picked up the last of the pills.

Miles positioned the plaster perfect on Alex's face, kissing him again.  
"Come on. Let's just head to bed, hm?"  
"Yeah, I'm too tired." Miles yawned.  
Alex turned off the fire and made sure everything was locked. There was a huge pile of washing up he'd have to do tomorrow. His first day of married life.

They both got changed and hopped into bed. Miles snuggled into Alex for warmth.  
"Laa?"  
"Yeah Mi?"  
"Are you happy?"  
"Happy about what?"  
"Happy about us. Being Married?"  
"Why would I not be? I got to marry the love of my life today and to me that is the greatest thing that's ever happened!"  
"I love you."  
"I love you too babe."  
And with that, Mr and Mr Kane drifted off to sleep.


	11. Hiding Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good morning Mr Kane!" Miles said.  
> "Morning gorgeous." Alex said, swaying from side to side with Miles in his arms.
> 
> It was the morning of their first day of married life. Juggling chemo, wedding gifts and a doctor's order, Alex starts to see how cancer is robbing both Miles and himself of everything good in their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this was longer than I anticipated. I'm just sort of going with the best thing that comes to my head now. It's starting to write itself. Anyway enjoy this massive chapter :)

"Good morning Mr Kane!" Miles said, rolling over.  
But Alex wasn’t there.

"Hungover, are we Mr Kane?" Miles said, walking downstairs into the bathroom.  
"Only a little." Alex said, crouched over the toilet.  
"Can't say I'm not." Miles said, grabbing the painkillers from the cupboard. "I'll make you some toast."  
"Good luck finding a clean plate!"

Miles walked through to the kitchen. Dishes, plates, cups, mugs and cutlery were on every surface waiting to be cleaned. Miles sighed, put some toast in the toaster and started washing up. They'd have to start sooner or later. Alex walked back through and hugged Miles from behind, kissing his neck.  
"Morning gorgeous." He said, swaying from side to side with Miles in his arms.  
"Morning." Miles said, kissing Alex's cheek and carrying on.  
The toast popped up.  
"There's a dry plate by the microwave. I just cleaned it so you can put your toast on there."  
"Cheers love!" Alex said, putting his toast out. "Got a knife?"  
Alex spun around but Miles had ran off.  
"Fuck." Alex said, knowing damn well it was the chemo again.  
He scoured the kitchen looking for a clean knife, and ended up settling for a spoon. Close enough.

When he walked through to the living room, he almost dropped his plate. He knew there was a lot of wedding gifts, but not this many!  
"Laa, you in here?" Miles said, gasping as he walked through to the living room.  
"Bet you can find a clean plate in there!" Alex joked, laughing along with Miles.  
"Chemo at 3pm today, don't forget." Miles said. "Do you reckon I should ask for more anti-emetics?"  
"Aye, see what they say."

After Miles had finished the dishes, they put a record on and started opening the wedding gifts.  
" _Congratulations! Love Jamie and Katie_." Miles read out.  
They unwrapped a large box which read 'IKEA'. Once they opened it, inside was flat-pack shelving.  
"Flat pack shelves?!" Miles said, looking at Alex.  
" _You're gonna get loads of shitty gifts, so here's a way to store them._ Fuckin classic Jamie." Alex said, pulling the box to one side. "We'll sort that out later!"

Next was a small box off Breana and Matt.  
"What do you reckon Mi?" Alex said.  
He handed Miles the box. He tore into it as fast as he could, eager to get into it.  
"Whoa! Check this out Laa!" He said, thrusting the box in Alex's face.  
It was a star naming kit. The ones where you fill out some forms and get a piece of paper to say you own a star and have given it a name. A bit of a cliché, but it was a kind thought.

Now came a rather large box with a handmade card.  
" _Congratulations on tying the knot! Lots of love from Nick, Kelly, Hearst and Iggy._ "  
"Aww, that's adorable!" Alex said.  
The card itself had little handprints of their kids in the shape of a heart on the front. They opened the box to find a wooden crate. Inside that was 4 nails, a hammer, a bottle of wine, a corkscrew, 2 pieces of paper and 2 pens.  
"What the fuck is this?" Miles said, staring at it.  
"Oh, it's one of those 'First Fight' boxes. You write love letters to each other, seal it shut with the hammer and nails and leave it until your first fight. Then you read each other's letters and pour out the wine."  
"Oh, what a nice thought."

" _Congrats, love mum and dad_. My mum and dad, that is." Miles said, opening the envelope they had given them.  
"Just an envelope?" Alex said, a little surprised.  
"It's what's inside that counts."  
Inside was certainly important.  
"Jesus, look at these Laa!"  
Alex took the envelope from Miles' hands.   
" _Relaxing beach holiday for 2 in the South of France_ , _full suit measuring and making for 2_ , _wine tasting session for 2, tickets to a science museum in_ , uhh, the gay part of Newcastle, of course."  
"Behave, they're trying to be nice."  
"Ok ok, I'm sorry. But I do really like these, so you can tell them thanks."

"Now your parents!" Miles said, looking around for the gift they had got them.  
"I sort of know." Alex said, pulling a sort of sorry smile.  
"Oh?"  
"Just open it. They wanted to make sure it was ok."  
Miles opened the large box.  
"Ah. I see."  
They looked at each other and both said "Cliché!"  
Plates. Saucers. Bone china. Really?  
"Well now we have that out the way, who's next?"

They continued to open more gifts from various friends and family members. They ended up with candles, pillows, wooden statue sets (did half of them go to the same shop?!), incense sticks, key rings, more plates, matching cups and wine.

"Well we finally got that up." Alex said, looking back at the shelves he'd assembled.  
"Nice work." Miles said, handing back the instructions.  
They loaded the shelves with plates and candles, and sat on the sofa for a while.

"Fancy a walk?" Alex said, after seeing all the shite on the tv.  
"Where to?"  
"The lake, y'know, where we went the first time I, uhh…"  
"Why not." Miles said, sitting up.  
"Hang on Miles," Alex said, checking the time. "You've got chemo in -5 minutes!"  
"Shit." Miles said, running to the door to put on his shoes.

Alex drove pretty fast as Miles waited anxiously. They hadn't been late before and the hospital had a tight schedule.  
"Here we go. You go in and I'll meet you inside." Alex said, letting Miles off at the door.  
He drove around for a while until he found a parking space. He jogged to the ticket machine, got one, put it on his dashboard and jogged into the hospital.

Miles was sat with a chemo drip already in his arm.  
"They weren't too thrilled, but at least we weren't mega late." Miles said, laughing a little.  
Alex walked over and sat next to him so Miles could rest his head on his shoulder.  
"They're gonna get a district nurse to come and do the daily ones until we get the hang of it." Miles sighed.  
"Daily?!" Alex said, taken back by Miles' words.  
"Aye. They need to bump it up because it's starting to-" Miles lowered his voice a little. "Starting to spread to other tissues."  
Alex wrapped an arm around Miles. He could feel pinpricks in his eyes, but tried to hold it together for Miles.  
"Did y'ask about anti-emetics yet?"  
"They're getting me some right now actually."  
"Good."  
"Whether they'll work or not's a whole different kettle of fish."  
Alex chuckled.

"Here you go Mr. Kane."  
"Which one?!" Miles laughed.  
"Just married." Alex said, winking at the nurse.  
"Well congrats, so I'm guessing it's this one?" She said, handing Miles the bag of medication. "A district nurse will be around tomorrow to show you both how to do it, and then leave you with some."  
"Cheers pet." Alex said, waving at the nurse as they left.

As they got in the car, Alex turned the other way than they were supposed to go.  
"Where to now Laa?"  
"You'll see." Alex grinned.  
He stopped at a chippy and carried on. They parked in a familiar, rural area. They got out and started walking down the path. It was quite cold, but also rather sunny for a January afternoon. Brown leaves still carpeted the ground, making it rather mushy. Trees stretched out their branches like bony fingers pointing the way. Miles had never taken time to smell the roses before, always in fast-forward, especially since the start of his treatment.  
"This place," Miles began. "It's so beautiful!"  
"You see why I like to come here?"  
Miles nodded.

They had walked for a few minutes when Miles had to stop for a breather.  
"I'm tired Laa, sorry. I'll be ok in a few."  
"Hold this." Alex said, handing Miles the bag of chips.  
He wrapped an arm around Miles' shoulders and picked him up by his legs.  
"God you have lost a heck of a lot of weight, haven't you love?!" Alex said, shocked at how light and delicate Miles felt in his arms.

Alex carried on down the path carrying Miles, just like the time they came down here when Miles first told Alex. The lake wasn't much further.  
"Al," Miles said sternly, catching Alex's attention. "I know now probably isn't the best time, but when are we gonna talk about, you know, _funeral arrangements_?"   
Alex froze, thought for a second, and carried on.  
"Laa? I'm sorry babe, please say something."  
"We'll figure it out another day, no problem. Ok?" Alex said.  
"Ok."

Once they got there, Alex nearly dropped Miles.  
"The bench!" Alex yelled.   
He let Miles down and walked over to it.  
"The bench." Alex sighed, kneeling by it.  
It had been completely vandalised. Broken. Smashed. It wasn't a special bench in particular, not dedicated to anyone or placed by anyone special. But Alex had sat here many times with Miles, so many it had become a sacred place to them. And now it was gone. Miles walked over and rested his arms on Alex's shoulders.   
"It's ok. If you want, we could go to the meeting place later and stay there for a-"  
"I'm not going back there. Not after what happened." Alex said, now standing up.  
He walked to the shore edge. He felt like walking in, but remembered how the water would be freezing at this time of year. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Miles take off his jacket and lay it down beside him.   
"Come on. Let's just sit here for a while."  
Alex took his jacket off and sat on it next to him.

"Are you gonna eat those chips babe?" Alex said, watching Miles pick at his food.  
"I'm not hungry." Miles sighed.  
"Not even some fish?"  
"No."  
Alex wrapped his arm around Miles, pulling him in. He shivered in his arms.  
"Y'cold?"  
"A little." Miles chattered.  
Alex shuffled over more onto Miles' jacket and wrapped his around Miles' cold body. He watched as he played with his food more. Alex stabbed a chip with his fork and pushed it into Miles' mouth. He chewed it and swallowed it, making Alex smile. He did it again, and again, getting Miles to at least eat something.  
"No more!" Miles said, pushing the chips away.  
"Please at least _try_ to get some food in you. _Please_." Alex begged.  
He got Miles to eat half his chips and some fish, which was an improvement.

"Will you be able to walk back to the car Mi?"  
"I'll try."  
They got about one quarter of the way up the hill before Miles had to stop again, so Alex picked him up and carried him back to the car. He drove home via a shortcut because he could see Miles starting to look queasy.

Once they got home, Miles threw open the door and ran to the bathroom. Alex couldn't help but feel guilty for forcing him to eat.  
"Miles? Miles?!" Alex shouted, trying to open the bathroom door. "Miles I'm so sorry I just can't stand seeing you like this Mi, please let me in!"  
Miles unlocked the door.  
"Here. Take some of these later. You can have 2 a day." Alex said, reading the label on Miles' prescription and handing him his medicine.  
"Ta."

They cuddled up on the sofa again. Alex had a glass of wine, and Miles had a glass of water.  
"There's a joke here somewhere." Alex laughed, spinning the wine in his glass. "What do you say we head on upstairs for a while?"  
"Al I need to talk to you about that." Miles said apologetically.  
"Go on."  
Alex took a deep breath. He knew this was going to be bad.  
"The doctor said I'm too weak to have sex." Miles sobbed, knowing this would shatter their relationship.   
It was just at that moment Alex had took a large mouthful of wine that sprayed across the room as he sat in shock at what Miles had said.  
"You're joking, right?! No sex?!"  
"I can still do other things, like blow jobs an' that laa, but no sex. And to be quite honest I can hardly walk upstairs anymore Al!" Miles cried, leaning into Alex's arm.  
"Not even gently?" Alex asked, hoping he could find a loophole.  
"Alex, look at me!" Miles yelled, jumping up and turning on the light before stripping down completely.

Alex gasped at the sight of Miles. He hadn't looked at him since before the accident. Miles had been very conservative about his body after that. But what got Alex was the fact he could see every bone in Miles' tiny body. He had become so thin it scared him. He didn't want to fuck Miles anymore. He just wanted to pick him up and carry him around like a delicate baby. He felt the need to feed Miles and make him well again. In some ways, he felt like Miles would be better off dead.  
"You'd be better off dead." Alex whispered under his breath, just and so audible to Miles.  
"What   did   you   just   say?!"  
"Look, Miles, you look different, you look sick, you look like you're dying-"  
"That's because I am sick and dying! Alex, I don't think you're taking me seriously."  
"Miles please, let me finish!"  
"You know what Laa? Maybe I am better off dead."  
"Miles!"

Miles ran to the kitchen, closely followed by Alex. He snaked his arm around Miles' waist and caught him before he could enter the kitchen.  
"Miles," Alex whispered gently in Miles' ear as he squirmed around. "Please babe, don't do this, just listen. I love you, Miles, please. I'm sorry."  
He could feel Miles' maddening red cheeks against his neck. He grabbed Miles' hands and dropped to his knees.  
"I'm sorry Miles. I wasn't thinking. It's hard. Please. I'm so sorry."  
Alex kissed his way up Miles' arm to his lips, apologising before each kiss.  
"Maybe we should make that 'First Fight Box' sooner than we thought." Miles snuffled.  
"Come on, let's just go to bed. We'll sort this out later."

"Happy first day of married life Mi." Alex said, pulling the duvet over him and Miles.  
"You too Laa. Though I wouldn't call it happy."  
"Come on, we had an ok day. Just be thankful we had it."  
"Had what? An ok day?"  
"Thankful we still had a day with each other. I might have woken up and you were d-"  
Miles silenced Alex with his lips. "Now now, we both know it's too soon to worry about that."  
"Goodnight Mi."  
"Goodnight Mr. Kane."  
"Love you."  
"Love you more."


	12. D Is For Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Got a pen?"  
> Alex watched as Miles ticked off the sheet.  
> I accept the risks involved. Check.  
> I am aware and understand that in the worst case scenario I may lose my life during this operation. Check.  
> In a worst case scenario situation, I do not wish to be resuscitated. Check.  
> "WHAT?!" Alex yelled, staring at Miles. "You just checked yes to DNR?!"  
> "Fine, I'll uncheck it."  
> "Why did you check it in the first place?!"  
> "Oh for the love of-"  
> "Is it because of what I said last night." Alex said, hardly audible to Miles.  
> "What?"  
> "IS IT BECAUSE OF WHAT I SAID LAST NIGHT?!" Alex screamed, standing up and throwing his chair across the room.
> 
> After an emergency situation calls for a lengthly operation, Alex hatches a dirty, devious plan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is loosely being guided by You Know I'm No Good covered by the Arctic Monkeys. I know this is straying from reality now, but ehh, let's go with it.

"Laa?" Miles asked, rolling over and seeing Alex open his eyes a little.  
"Mmm?" Alex replied.  
"Did you really mean that last night?"  
Alex immediately wrapped his hands around Miles, pulling him closer. Miles gasped a little, but closed the gap a little more.  
"I'm sorry."  
"So you're saying I _am_ better off dead?" Miles sighed.  
"No, not at all, I just meant-"  
"Alex, don't lie."  
"Well you're going through all this pain and treatments and side effects when it's terminal anyways is just a glorified way to draw out your death."  
Alex tightened his grip around Miles so that his head was resting in the crook of Alex's neck.  
"Surely you've thought about it like that before?"  
Miles didn’t have to say anything. Alex already knew.  
"Come on. Let's do something exciting today."  
Alex rolled out of bed and got dressed.  
"Laa?" Miles croaked, still in bed.  
"Yes?"  
"Can you carry me."  
Alex froze for a second to process it. Miles was getting _seriously_ weak. Regardless, he picked him up and carried him downstairs and nestled him on the sofa. Once he saw his face in the light, he could see Miles had been crying.

"Babe, are you ok?!" Alex said, gently stroking Miles' cheek with his thumb.  
"M'ok, can I just have a cup of tea an some ibuprofens please."  
"Ok." Alex said, weary of the way Miles sat.  
Sat leaning onto one side. Hand rubbing the side of his chest. Struggling to breathe.  
He brought Miles a cup of tea and his ibuprofens, then knelt in front of him on the floor, pulling away at Miles top. He reluctantly let Alex pull it up to see strange lumps surrounded by deep purple bruises.  
"Is this just an overnight thing?"  
Miles shrugged his shoulders.  
"I'll ask the district nurse when they come, ok? Are you sure you're ok?"  
"It'll be nothing."  
"I bloody hope it is Mi." Alex said, kissing Miles' cheek and standing up.   
He walked away and came back with Miles' anti-emetics.  
"Here, take these." He said, handing Miles the tablets.

Alex walked through to their bedroom again. Once inside, Alex dropped to his knees. He wasn't religious, but he couldn't help _this_.  
_'Please God, save Miles. Please. Trade our places. Kill me, not Miles. Please.'  
_ He grabbed a pillow and the duvet and headed off back to the living room. He helped tuck Miles in, keeping him warm, when the door rang.

"Hi!" Alex said, swinging the door open.  
"Hi I'm here for a mister Miles Kane? Me name's Nicola." She said in a Geordie accent.  
"Come on in, he's in the living room."  
Nicola walked with a whole trolley of medications and chemo bags.  
"That's some kit there you've got!" Alex said, showing her the way to the living room.  
"Right Mr. Kane, can you sit up for me?" She smiled, preparing a needle. "This needle I'm gonna put in is permanent from now on, ok pet?"   
Miles tried his best to sit up and hold his arm out to her, but soon his chest was throbbing.  
"Are you ok pet?"   
"He's got these, uhh, lumps. They just came overnight." Alex sighed, biting his nails.  
"Can I have a look pet?" She asked, putting the needle down.  
Miles gestured for Alex to help him. Alex walked over and helped Miles sit up and rolled up his top, revealing the lumps and bruising.  
"Oh that does look a bit worrying Mr Kane, how long have they been there?" She said, gently feeling the lumps with her hands.  
"Overnight." Miles whispered, struggling to breathe for the pain.  
"Hard to breathe? Chest pains?"  
Miles nodded.  
"Right Mr. Kane, I'm going to phone an ambulance because I think you've had a tumour that's ruptured overnight and has bled into a lung ok?"  
Miles looked at Alex as Nicola stood up and called an ambulance. Alex knelt on the floor in front of Miles and grabbed his hands. Tears streaked down both their cheeks as they waited impatiently for the ambulance to arrive.

"It's gonna be ok, no need to panic." Nicola said, walking back through. "The ambulance will be here in no time."  
Alex couldn’t think of words to say as he sat staring into Miles' eyes, stroking his hands with his thumb. He soon pulled his hands away and cradled Miles' face in his hands, leaning in and kissing his lips gently.  
"It's gonna be ok babe" Alex whispered into his ear, wrapping his arms around Miles being careful not to hurt him.  
"It's here now." Nicola said, walking back through.

The ambulance crew came through, assessed Miles and put him on the bed in the ambulance. Alex sat in the crew seat holding Miles' hand as they put various drips in his arm. They locked eyes until they got to the hospital. Everything became a daze to Alex, and he was just focused on staying with Miles at all costs.

They put Miles in a special room on his own as he waited for surgery, hooked up to oxygen and a morphine drip.  
"Mi." Alex choked, still phased out of reality. "Please don't die."  
"I wasn’t planning on it." Miles chuckled, feeling high off the anaesthetic.  
Just then a doctor walked in, and pulled a chair around to face Alex and Miles. Alex felt his heart jump into his throat as his grip on Miles' hand tightened. He gulped and looked straight at the doctor. _'Jesus, what did Miles feel like when he was here all alone?!'_ He thought.  
"Well, Mr. Kane," The doctor said, looking at Miles. "And, sorry you are?"  
"M…m…mr…Alex…Mr. Kane…th…the husban… band…" He choked, fighting to hold back his tears.  
"Well, Mr and Mr Kane, after the scans we've completed, we've come up with a plan on how to help this situation. First and foremost, the cancer is spreading. Therefore we will complete a second scan to fully locate the affected areas and remove tumours and tissues at high risk. Before that, however, we will need to operate on your chest to remove the current tumour and drain your lung. Then you will be able to leave the hospital, but we will be putting you on a rigorous chemotherapy scheme, in which you will be taking oral chemotherapy on top of the standard drip. Both of you will be in charge of that. You will also need to keep up with your anti-emetics, so we are going to prescribe more for you. We also insist that you try to eat as much as possible to gain weight as you're clearly severely underweight, and that is having an impact on how well the chemotherapy will be working. Do you follow me so far?"  
"Yes." Miles said, fairly confidently.  
"Y…yes…" Alex choked. "…c…carry on."  
"In order to carry this out, we will need to complete a series of operations, one after the other, over a period of 4 days. This also means that you will not be able to see your husband until after all the operations have been completed. We are unsure yet, but we are positive that the operations will be completed in a minimum of 72 hours. I'll leave the paperwork here for you to sign, but please remember, without this operation you will almost certainly die within the next couple of weeks."  
The doctor then promptly stood up and left.

"Got a pen?"  
Alex watched as Miles ticked off the sheet.  
_I accept the risks involved._ Check.  
_I am aware and understand that in the worst case scenario I may lose my life during this operation._ Check.  
_In a worst case scenario situation, I do not wish to be resuscitated._ Check.  
"WHAT?!" Alex yelled, staring at Miles. "You just checked yes to DNR?!"  
"Fine, I'll uncheck it."  
"Why did you check it in the first place?!"  
"Oh for the love of-"  
"Is it because of what I said last night." Alex said, hardly audible to Miles.  
"What?"  
"IS IT BECAUSE OF WHAT I SAID LAST NIGHT?!" Alex screamed, standing up and throwing his chair across the room.  
A nurse burst in, restraining Alex.  
"Is it because of what I said last night?! Is that why you signed it?!"  
"It doesn't matter."  
"Come on, you need to leave." The nurse said, pulling Alex back.  
"No! Let me go!"  
Another nurse rushed in, followed by a policeman and 2 more nurses. Soon the room was flooded by people. Miles sat and watched as Alex was dragged outside. Of course that's why he signed the DNR. He was just better off dead.

\-----

_I'm sorry. They won't let me back in until you request that I am. I overreacted. I was stupid. Please let be back in. Laa x_

"Let him back in." Miles commanded, placing the dozen roses Alex had got for him on the bedside table.   
"Here." The nurse said, propping the door open for Alex.  
"I'm so sorry Mi-"  
"Come here." Miles said, beckoning Alex over.  
Alex leaned over Miles, resting his hand on the other side of the pillow. The nurse nodded to a policeman who stood just inside the room.  
"Don't worry about it. It’s probably just hospital policy."  
"Sure?" Alex murmured, planting a soft kiss on Miles' lips. "I'm sorry either way."  
Alex took a seat next to Miles' bed again as both the nurse and the policeman left.

As he sat waiting for the moment Miles left, he had an idea. It was sick. It was twisted. It was evil. _It felt good._ And there, in that hospital seat, Alex hatched a plan. _'Miles wouldn't mind if I had sex with someone while he's here, I mean, he can't do the deed.'_ He thought, planning exactly how he would do it. Go home, get some spare clothes, book a hotel room, go to the gay bar, pick someone up, fuck in the hotel, and go out again. As many people as possible. That made him smirk. Being a dirty slut.  
"What you smirkin at?" Miles said, laughing at Alex.  
"Nowt."  
"Time to go Miles!" A nurse said, bringing in a team of porters.  
"Good luck babe" Alex said, kissing Miles again.  
From head to toe he tingled. _He'd never know. I'd get the time of my life. This is gonna be good._  
"See you soon Laa." Miles waved, blowing Alex a kiss as he left.  
There was no point following him. He was going through a private area. And now, Alex was free to be a slut.


	13. Fluorescent Adolescent (Oh The Boy's A Slag)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Margarita please." Alex asked, taking a seat by the bar.  
> Already 4 people were eyeing him up.  
> "I'll pay." A tall man said, sitting next to him. "What brings you here? I can't say I've seen your face here before."  
> Wasn't it supposed to work the other way around?  
> "To be honest mate I just need a good fuck." Alex whispered, leaning into the other man's shoulder.  
> He moved his hand to Alex's knee, slowly sliding up.  
> "Where d'ya wanna go then luv?"
> 
> Once Miles' operation starts, Alex is eager to have one last affair...or more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK APOLOGY: I feel like I'm making Miles' dad and Miles sound like dicks, but eh. Also, this may trigger some people, so please don't read if your easily triggered. I try to keep it chill but that's a quick disclaimer.

Frantically Alex searched the bedroom, desperate to find the perfect outfit. Tight t-shirt and jeans, the sluttier the better. Planning ahead, he grabbed a few of his college t-shirts, just in case he got rough. He also packed a shirt and nicer jeans for when Miles came out. He then phoned up and booked his room. He wasn't normally like this, but since Miles was unable to fill in, Alex saw it fitting to enjoy it one last time while it was convenient. Grabbing the bag he packed, he headed back to the car and drove back to the area near the hospital where Miles was. It was renowned for its nightlife, specifically the gay type.

Alex's fingers were electric, swiftly pulling the car into 5th and speeding away as fast as he could. He got bored of the roar of the engine and opted for whatever CD was in.  
"Fuckin' Green Day?" Alex said to himself.  
The song that came on was 'Fuck Time' which was rather a funny coincidence. Alex could feel the arousal growing between his legs, eager to hook up with the first person he saw.

It wasn't too long before he arrived. He parked up the car and made his way to the hotel. They'd put him on the 6th floor, and the elevator was painfully slow. _'Wouldn't it be more fun with someone else?'_ Alex thought, smirking.

Once he arrived at his room, he unpacked a little and decided to shave and get ready since it was nearing 6pm. As he shaved, he nicked his chin with the razorblade. His face lit up with a great idea. Instead of writing down with pen how many people he'd fucked, he'd just carve it onto his ankle. True, it was a bit mental, but then he'd never forget.

6:27pm. Time to go.

He sauntered out of the lobby in a t-shirt that looked 2 sizes too small. Alex was almost shaking with excitement as he wandered around, taking in the surroundings. Soon he laid eyes on a gay bar and headed into it.

"Margarita please." Alex asked, taking a seat by the bar.  
Already 4 people were eyeing him up.  
"I'll pay." A tall man said, sitting next to him. "What brings you here? I can't say I've seen your face here before."  
Wasn't it supposed to work the other way around?  
"To be honest mate I just need a good fuck." Alex whispered, leaning into the other man's shoulder.  
He moved his hand to Alex's knee, slowly sliding up.  
"Where d'ya wanna go then luv?"  
Alex looked into his eyes. They were hypnotic. But on some level, they reminded him of Miles. It was then he realised he still had his wedding ring on. He tried to slide it off, but it wouldn't budge.  
"No, no, it's ok. I get it. You're married to a lass you've never really loved, innit?"  
"Yeah." Alex gulped.  
Perfect. That's my excuse for the next three days.  
"I've got a room at the Premier Inn."  
"Finish up your drink and we'll head over then!"  
_'Well that was fucking easy.'_

Soon he was walking back to the hotel holding hands with a man whose name he still didn't know. But that didn’t matter. He checked his watch. 7pm.

"This way." Alex said, pulling him into an elevator.  
He mashed the button for the 6th floor. Before he had chance to say how slow the elevator was, his lips were silenced by the taller man.

Alex got out his key card once the elevator stopped. His lips felt swollen. Marching ahead, he slammed the door open, and was suddenly swept off his feet by the stranger.  
"Strip." He commanded, taking off all of his clothes in seconds.  
He pulled a condom from his pocket and put it on with grace. Alex was fighting his jeans off when the he pushed him down onto the bed and nigh on ripped his jeans off.  
"Soft, hard or brutal." He said, climbing over Alex.  
"Give me all you got."  
"Sure?"  
"Sure."  
"If you want me to stop, say margarita. Ok?"  
"Go."

Alex tried to get comfortable on the double bed but before he could he was ploughed into by the taller man. He grabbed the headboard and thrust as hard and as fast as he could, which was far faster and far harder than Miles ever had. He grabbed the sheets and clenched his teeth as the pain and pleasure built. He was better than Miles. He stroked his prostate with his dick with every thrust, which built up the pleasure much slower, drawing out the intense feeling. Alex lifted his hips up and wrapped his legs around his waist.  
"More! Give me more! GIVE ME MORE!" Alex moaned, wrapping a hand around his dick.  
He immediately regretted it as the man flipped them over, making Alex ride his dick. It suddenly felt deeper and harder than it did before.  
"MORE!" Alex shouted, bouncing on his dick.  
He could feel himself nearing the edge, but he just wanted more.  
"You are a little slut, aren't ya!" He grunted, grabbing onto Alex and pulling him off the bed. "But this is how you make 'em cum!"  
He pulled Alex's legs up onto his shoulders and bounced Alex onto his dick slowly, gauging where the right spot was. Then, in an instant he pulled all the way out and straight back in, hitting perfectly the sweet spot inside. Alex froze, clenching every muscle in his body. He then wobbled Alex on his dick for a bit until he was just about to cum, and then came all the way out and thrust in again, sending Alex over the edge as he continued to thrust. He dropped Alex back onto the bed as he twitched, still feeling the aftershocks of such a good fuck. The taller man started to get dressed, pulling off his condom and tying it.  
"What's your name?" Alex asked, still gasping for air.  
The man walked back over and kissed Alex, patting his hair down.  
"You don't need to know that." He said, walking back out of the room.

Alex just laid there, legs like jelly, anus still stretched wide. His throat was horse and his insides felt abused. And it felt _so good_.

Back at the bar, 9pm. Alex had had a can of monster to perk himself up as he sat down at the bar again. He asked for another margarita.

And so it happened again. Another man would pay. They'd go back to the hotel and fuck, Alex would carve another line onto his ankle, drink another energy drink and go back out.

And again.

And again.

And by the time the night had reached the morning, Alex had fucked 8 people.

He slept most of the day, waiting for the night to come back around. This time he wouldn't wait and walk back to the hotel. Oh no. The toilets would be just fine. Razorblade ready, he was prepared for the biggest night of fucking he'd ever have.

Once he made it inside the club, he headed for the dance floor to chat up some men and take them off with him. It was easy. Almost too easy. Within minutes they were off to the toilets, picking out a cubicle and getting at it in seconds.

And so he did it again.

And again.

And all the while Miles plagued his mind.

He staggered back to the hotel very much drunk with torn clothes and fuck-ruffled hair. It was already dawn. Not long before Miles would be out again. He headed straight off to bed to sleep off the night again, still with Miles on his mind.

"Room service?" A lady said from outside.  
"No thanks." Alex slurred, slowly drifting off to sleep.

 _Bzzzzzzz!_ 'Fucking hell.' Alex thought. It was 8pm already and he was still hung over. _Bzzzzzz!_  
"Who is it then?!" Alex said, picking up his phone.  
Miles' face was lighting up the screen. He immediately picked up.  
"Hi Mi - you're in the lobby?! Come up to the 6th floor. See you in a bit." Alex said, beginning to panic.  
He was still in a state and smelled of club toilets and semen, still sweaty. His clothes were torn, the bed sheets were still covered in whoever that guy was' scent, and on top of that, the cuts on Alex's ankle had bled a lot, including a few messy cuts on his fingers. In a flurry of panic, Alex stripped, threw the clothes out the window and sprayed deodorant on everything in that room.  
"Laa?" Miles said from the corridor, wandering around.  
Alex ran up to the door and opened it, holding a towel over his front from neck to toes.  
"Jesus, what have you been up to?!" Miles laughed, walking in.  
"I thought you'd be another day! I was making merry of it!"  
"No, 72 hours like he said, remember?"  
"What? No it can't have been 3 days already!"  
"3? Alex it's been 4!"  
"B…But?"  
"I followed you back from the club too. Just sat in the lobby for a little then went for a wander. There's a pretty nice gay bar around here. You should check it out!"  
Alex was still in shock. Had he really spent 3 days in the club? He quickly went into the bathroom to check his ankle.  
"5, 10, 15, 20…48?! Jesus christ!" Alex sighed.  
There were lines all up his leg. Hickies all over his neck and chest. And he turned around to check his back. Never before had he seen so many scratch marks on one piece of flesh on anyone before. Bite marks down his spine. He'd have to pull out every stop to hide this from Miles.

"Fancy a bath Laa?" Miles asked from the main room. "I could use one. I'm allowed because they've put proper stitches in, not just the shitty sugar ones.  
Alex ran the bath in the hotel and filled it with as much soap as possible. As soon as it was full he got in and covered his body with bubbles.  
"Bath's in love." Alex shouted.  
"Couldn't wait eh?!" Miles chuckled, stripping off and joining Alex. "Been lonely?"  
"What do you mean?" Alex said, trying to act cool incase Miles was onto him.  
"Laa that bed's got a cement patch!" Miles smirked.  
Alex chuckled along. He knew Miles was suspicious.  
"So how was the surgery?"  
"Well it was just keyhole here and there, nothing massive. The machinery needed reset each time, that’s why it took forever."  
"Fair enough."  
"Hang on, you've got some dirt on you." Miles said, leaning over and rubbing Alex's collarbone.  
He leaned closer after it wouldn’t come off. Alex knew there and then, Miles would sniff him out.  
"Laa," Miles said, leaning back. "What is that?"  
"It's, um, it's…"  
"Alex." Miles sighed as Alex's heart lept into his mouth. "Have you been self harming? I saw your ankle before, just tell me the truth. Please."  
Alex could almost imagine Miles' face crumpling if he opened his mouth. Technically he was right, but at the same time, it was much worse.  
"Come here babe!" Miles said, pulling Alex into his arms. "It's ok babe, I'm-" Miles froze.  
"What?" Alex said, shocked at Miles' pause.  
"Don't tell me you, no you wouldn't have, wait, did you, did you? Did you?! Behind my back?!" Miles said, leaning back and standing up. "STAND UP RIGHT NOW!"  
Alex felt like drowning himself. He didn't have the guts to admit it.

Slowly he rose, brushing bubbles off his chest.  
"Turn around!" Miles spat.  
He twisted around, revealing the lines and marks all over.  
"Look at me. LOOK AT ME!"  
Alex twisted back around.  
"Why?!" Miles said, starting to cry.  
Alex shrugged.  
"WHY?!" Miles screamed, involuntarily stretching his arm out and slapping Alex hard across his face.  
"Because you can't and I can't live that way!"  
"How many people?" Miles said, his face getting redder as the seconds flew by.  
"Fffff…"  
"HOW MANY PEOPLE!?" Miles shrieked, wrapping his hands around Alex's neck and throwing him to the floor.

Alex laid there on his back, head throbbing in pain from the impact, with Miles' knees either side of his chest with his hands wrapped tightly around his neck.  
"How   many   people." Miles whispered, tightening his grip.  
"Fff…forty-eight."  
Miles immediately let go, stood up and kicked Alex as hard as he could in the groin.  
"You unfaithful bastard! You should be happy I won't fucking kill you! I hope you die of an STD you swine!"  
"I hope you die first." Alex choked, still in severe pain.  
"Fine. You don't have to see me again." Miles yelled, pulling off his wedding ring. "Keep it."

Miles went and booked a second room. Alex went out and bought 2 bottles of strong vodka.

One for the pain of losing Miles.

The other in the hopes of losing life.


	14. You Know I'm No Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mi,  
> I was a total dick. I know that and I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I hadn't done it but it was too much too soon. I promise that I'll never ever lay my hands on another person for as long as I'm married to you, which by the way should be forever. I got you these roses because roses mean love and I love you more and more each day and there wasn't a person I was with who made me forget you. Please Miles, I'm not expecting you to take me into your arms and live a happy little life again, but just don't go. I'll make it up to you. Anything you want ever is yours. If you wanted my beating heart on a plate I'd rip it out. Please let me make it up to you.  
> You loving husband Alex x
> 
> Alex tries to make up for his wrong-doing, but Miles has a plan on how to make him pay...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sound so horrible doing this to them, and the end is a bit weird, also i'm sorry for making Miles' dad horrible btw, but this might get the ball rolling again, so enjoy! ;)

"Hi Matt, only me. He talked to you? Oh ok. So you know? Right. Any chance of giving me a lift? He busted up the car before getting a taxi. Aye. Fuck. He seriously told no-one to come near me? I don't blame him like. I just wish I hadn't. It we're silly yeah? Wha he's there? Now? Put him on. Put him on now. Hi Mi- no look it's not like that - just let me - M - no it's not like that - Miles? Miles you still there? He's gone? Just try an tell him 'm really fuckin sorry. I'll figure something out. He's getting the locks changed? Fucking hell. D-Divorce? His dad'll fuckin kill me! Shit I forgot about him! Reet I'll be back home today sometime - oh for fucks sake not even Nick?  Jamie? He even told me mam!? Guess I'll have to stay in a fuckin hotel then. See ya Matt."

Miles slept the night and left early that morning, slashing Alex's tyres and breaking the engine before he left. Once he had got home, he told everyone about what had happened. Alex was still hungover and in a rough state desperate to get home but knowing he'd be kicked out by anyone and everyone.

"Hello stranger!"   
Alex jumped and spun around.  
"You look lost!"  
It was the first guy he'd slept with. Oh so good but such a deadly sin.  
"Me husband just went home, fucked up me car an told everyone what I did."  
"I didn't know you were married to a man! Need a ride then?"  
"I doubt going with you will help now. He said something about a divorce. I'm fucked."  
"Are you sorry?"  
"More sorry than I've ever been."  
"And you still love him?"  
"He's the one."  
"Then get in my car and I'll drop you off away from prying eyes so you can look heroic or something."  
"Fine."

The drive there was awkward and uneasy. Alex was tense, anxious as to what would happen once he returned. The other man, who's name he still didn't know, was relaxed. Almost too relaxed. Alex checked his phone. 3 missed calls of Miles and a text.

_You can't say I didn't try. I'll be taking my stuff and moving out away from you. I've changed the locks. Matt has a key for after I move out. Bye._

Alex felt his heart speed up. He was now under pressure to get home in time.

"Just 'ere. It'll do." Alex spluttered, ripping his seatbelt off.  
"Take care, uh, whatever your name is."  
"It's Alex." He said, pulling his bags out rougly.  
"Well it was nice meeting you Alex. My name's Miles by the way. Hope everything goes ok with you and your husband!" He smiled, rolling up the window and driving off.  
Alex stood there looking like a fish in shock at his name. _Miles?_

He soon shook it off and speed walked the hour into town. He looked around, scared if people were looking at him. He walked past the meeting place, now taken over by new lovers. Carrying on, he watched cars go past, splashing the fresh rain high into the air. He came to a flower shop and practically ran in.

"Give me every rose you have."  
"Like one of each or every rose?"  
"Every rose. Every single one."  
"Ok but it's gonna cost you a bit."  
"Name your price I don’t care."  
"Ok well let me just go check everything we have."  
Alex waited nervously watching people walk past outside. He pulled his phone out his pocket and dialled Matt.  
"Matt. He's packing? Shit I don't have much time but is Miles still at mine? He is? Thank fuck. Cheers. Yeah that’s all."  
"Hun we've just had a load in, if you really want every rose it'll be near £3,000."  
He put the card into the reader.  
"Just send them all to my house."  
"Ok? Let me just put this through. Can you write your address here please?" She said, handing Alex a piece of paper and a pen.  
"All sorted then pet."  
"Thanks. How long will it be? Can you get them there for like, less than 2 hours? Oh and can you drop my bags off there too? I'm in a mad panic right now."  
"Consider it done."  
"Thanks again." Alex said, dashing back out the door.

He ran across the street without even looking at the traffic and bolted into the nearest card shop. He scanned the walls, grabbing the biggest husband card he saw. He turned the corner and saw a queue that snaked around the back of the shop. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a £10 note and threw it at the counter before running back out.  
"Card's £2.50!"   
He then ran back to the florists and grabbed the pen off the desk and wrote the card, his handwriting scribbled and deep.  Once he wrote the card, he sealed the envelope and  ran back out.

He started speed walking down the street again, looking for something else to give Miles. His eyes caught a tailors that had a black and gold suit on display. He darted in, yelling at the clerk.  
"THE BLACK ONE IN THE WINDOW NOW."  
"Are you sure sir?"  
"HERE'S THE MEASUREMENTS GET IT TO THIS ADDRESS IN AN HOUR!"  
Alex scrawled down Miles' measurements and his address and whipped out his card and shoved it into the reader.  
"The suit is £10,000!" The clerk said, putting in the digits onto the till.  
"Can I put my pin in yet?"  
"Yes."  
Alex punched in his pin and waited anxiously for it to go through.  
"All done."  
"Cheers!" Alex said, rushing back out again.

He checked his phone. He had about 1 hour to get to his home. But the walk was usually 1 hour 40. It was then he knew he'd have to run.

He set off sprinting, the air in his throat rasping the more he ran. The cigarettes would catch up soon and he'd have to stop. But he'd have to get back up and carry on.

He was nearly at his home, his feet aching with every stride, sweat dripping off his face, the tight suit he was wearing torn at the shoulders, knees, groin and elbows. He felt like he was going to pass out and be sick, head throbbing, tongue bleeding and a throat that felt like a broken bottle. He cried as he caught sight of his house, but pushed on.

The florist was there, unpacking the roses.

The tailor was there, bringing out the suit.

"MILES?!" Alex screamed running straight through the door and looking around for him.  
He ran up the stairs and tried to walk along the corridor to their room, but his knees gave way. He fell down onto the floor and began crawling to the bedroom door.  
"MILES?!" Alex yelled again, reaching a hand up to the handle.

His head pounded. He was completely exhausted. If Miles wasn't here it would all be for nothing.

He gripped the handle and pulled it down, pushing the door open.

Clothes were strewn across the room, Miles frantically sorting through what was his.  
"Why are you here?!"  
"Miles I did not just run for an hour across town getting flowers and a suit for nothing."  
He held his shaking hand out holding the card to Miles. He pulled it free of Alex's hand and opened it.

 _Mi,_  
I was a total dick. I know that and I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I hadn't done it but it was too much too soon. I promise that I'll never ever lay my hands on another person for as long as I'm married to you, which by the way should be forever. I got you these roses because roses mean love and I love you more and more each day and there wasn't a person I was with who made me forget you. Please Miles, I'm not expecting you to take me into your arms and live a happy little life again, but just don't go. I'll make it up to you. Anything you want ever is yours. If you wanted my beating heart on a plate I'd rip it out. Please let me make it up to you.  
You loving husband Alex x

"Wow." Miles said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Well you're right, I don’t forgive you, but, I guess I'll stay."  
Alex pulled himself up to stand facing Miles only to collapse onto the bed.  
"You can start by being my slave for a week and tiding my clothes back away."  
Alex immediately rolled off the bed and started folding Miles' clothes up.

"That's all the flowers luv. Oh and here's your bags."  
Alex thanked the florist again and put all the flowers in the living room and on the patio.  
"Do you like the suit?" Alex said, watching Miles eye himself up in the mirror.  
"I do Al, it's quite nice." Miles said, turning to face Alex. "You know what you did was fucking out of line, right?"  
"Yeah Miles."  
"And you're willing to pay it back in any way?" Miles said deviously, a smile creeping across his face.  
"Anything Miles I'll do anything!" Alex begged, dropping to his knees.  
"Wanna call up a taxi for me? We'll go have some fun in town."

They got changed and headed for town.  
"What are we gonna do?"  
"You'll see."

They walked down an alleyway, past the meeting place, and into a dark building.  
"Yeah, just us two, like I said."  
"Come on in."  
They walked into a dimly lit room that led off onto an even dark corridor. As Alex squinted looking around he could see whips and leather harnesses on the walls.  
"Miles why are we here?"  
"Can you two sign here please." The man said, holding a sheet out.  
Alex read the lines they had to sign. Under Miles' name in brackets was 'Dominant' and under his in brackets was 'Submissive'. Miles grabbed Alex's wrist and pulled him down the corridor.  
"Saved up all my energy for this. Didn’t think you'd actually agree though."  
"Miles I don't even know what's going on!"  
As they reached the right room, Miles opened the door and pushed Alex in. He gasped at the leather harness hanging from the ceiling.  
"Mi-" Alex said, getting cut off by Miles wrapping his hand around his mouth.  
"These are the rules Laa. From now on you will call me sir in this room. You will not speak unless you are spoken to. You will get in that harness and take your punishment like the slut you are. And you won't stop. Oh no. There is no stopping. Unless you want to walk out now and have our marriage finished. Got it?"  
Alex stood for a moment processing what was going on. _How long had he wanted to do this to him?_ So many questions flooded his mind.  
"Y-yes sir." Alex gasped, Miles licking his ear.  
His touch was electric as it always was.

"I found a loophole Al," Miles whispered, pulling the buttons on Alex's shirt undone. "And this is it."


	15. Leave Before The Lights Come On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is my boy having fun?"  
> Alex felt like throwing up. His stomach was on fire and the eye mask was now damp. He shook his head hoping Miles would at least make things a little better.  
> "No? Why?" Miles said, pulling Alex's face into his hand.  
> Alex tried to speak but the gag restricted him too much, turning his words into a string of breathy, shaky noises.  
> "Maybe it's time I gave you more pleasure."
> 
> Miles get's his own back on Alex with a devillish plan that doesn't help either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so things have got strange. This fanfic is practically writing itself at this point. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

_"Mi-" Alex said, getting cut off by Miles wrapping his hand around his mouth._  
"These are the rules Laa. From now on you will call me sir in this room. You will not speak unless you are spoken to. You will get in that harness and take your punishment like the slut you are. And you won't stop. Oh no. There is no stopping. Unless you want to walk out now and have our marriage finished. Got it?"  
Alex stood for a moment processing what was going on. How long had he wanted to do this to him? So many questions flooded his mind.  
"Y-yes sir." Alex gasped, Miles licking his ear.  
His touch was electric as it always was.

_"I found a loophole Al," Miles whispered, pulling the buttons on Alex's shirt undone. "And this is it."_

\-----

"Are we all alone here?" Alex asked, trying to wriggle free of Miles' grasp.  
"Don't speak unless you're spoken to Laa!" Miles said, slapping Alex's bum. "But yeah, we are. Now all you have to do is strip off for me Laa."   
Miles released Alex and turned the lighting up slightly. Alex was beginning to make out more shapes on the wall. Whips, chains, all sorts. Alex behaved for Miles anyway. He wasn't overly thrilled with the sudden change in events, but the thought of Miles doing it made his mind melt. Miles watched Alex strip down naked, desperate to get started with his revenge.  
"I've read up on how to do this so much you wouldn't believe it Laa."  
Alex was desperate to reply but knew it would only fuel Miles more. He lowered the harness, grabbed Alex's shoulder and pulled him over.  
"Get in it."  
Alex slowly got into the harness, shaking all over out of fear and excitement. Miles waited patiently and tightened up the straps.  
"Good. Jesus Laa you look so good in that!" Miles laughed, pulling out his phone and snapping a photo.  
He walked away and came back holding a blindfold and a ball gag. He smiled an evil, sadistic smile as he gagged Alex and blindfolded him. He raised the harness again and gently swung Alex, slapping his thighs every so often.  
"How does, hmm, this whip feel?" Miles said, striking Alex's stomach hard with a leather whip.  
Alex yelped out in pain, feeling his guts churn.  
_'Please god let this man show mercy.'_ Alex thought, a tear coming to his eye only to be absorbed into the mask.  
"Perhaps a cat-o-nine-tails?!" Miles laughed harder, hitting Alex hard enough to draw a few spots of blood on the tips where it hit.  
Alex yelled out straining his voice.  
"You needed that one, didn't you, you little slut!" Miles said, hitting Alex again.  
More tears came out of Alex's eyes. This wasn't fun. This wasn't sexy. It was an excuse for Miles to get his revenge.

"Is my boy having fun?"  
Alex felt like throwing up. His stomach was on fire and the eye mask was now damp. He shook his head hoping Miles would at least make things a little better.  
"No? Why?" Miles said, pulling Alex's face into his hand.  
Alex tried to speak but the gag restricted him too much, turning his words into a string of breathy, shaky noises.  
"Maybe it's time I gave you more pleasure."  
Alex heard Miles rummage around before coming back towards him. He felt a sudden cold around his anus and jumped.  
"It's only lube, behave!" Miles said, spanking Alex's buttocks with his hands again.  
Alex felt one of Miles' fingers enter him, then another, then another. Then they disappeared only to be replaced with something large that filled him up inside.  
"Here's a lovely big butt-plug for you to play with." Miles said, forcing it in until the groove at the very bottom.  
It hit the sweet spot inside Alex for just a moment before bringing him back to pain. Miles walked over and took off his gag.  
"You're gonna have to be honest here Laa. No more cheating, you with me?" Miles spat through his teeth smacking Alex with the cat-o-nine-tails again.  
"YES I SWEAR IT WAS A ONE TIME THING I'M SORRY MILES!" Alex cried, bucking his hips up making the butt plug hit his g-spot again.  
"It's yes SIR!" Miles shouted, hitting Alex again. "An' how many did you fuck again?"  
"48 sir." Alex cried again.  
Miles walked over to Alex's head and pulled the blindfold off him, now seeing the tears streak down the sides of his face.  
"Are you gonna do it again?" Miles said, grabbing Alex's hair in his fist and pulling his head up.  
"No sir!" Alex cried in pain.  
"Well this will teach you a lesson!" Miles yelled in his face before standing to the side of Alex. "Now then Laa, I'll do 24 on each cheek, and you can count for me!"  
"PLEASE NO!" Alex yelled, trying to break free.  
"BEHAVE!" Miles yelled, hitting Alex on the stomach again, making him scream out in pain. "Now count!"

Miles did each whipping slowly, giving Alex time to scream out each number and recover. After the first 24, he moved to the other side and carried on. Alex could hardly move. Outside his bum was throbbing in pain, but the feeling inside was confusing the signals. It was a mix in a ratio of 99% pain and 1% pleasure. All through the torture Alex screamed for Miles to stop, but he wouldn't. Not after what Alex did to him. After Miles was finished, he put everything away and let Alex back down. However Alex couldn't even stand after what Miles put him through. His knees gave way and he plummeted to the ground, letting Miles see just what he had done. If he was  holding anything, he would have dropped it. There was blood, deep purple bruises and bright red raised lines forming a lattice. Alex looked up to Miles with his puppy-dog eyes all bloodshot and teary.  
"I'm sorry Alex - this is too far-" Miles spluttered, shocked at the quivering bloody mess he had made of Alex.  
"Shh," Alex groaned, collapsing onto the floor completely, unable to support his weight on his shoulders. "Anything to make it up."  
Miles helped Alex up and got him dressed.  
"Anything for you babe." Alex said, his voice so hoarse it was nothing more than a whisper.

His lips collided with Miles' in heated passion when he tasted something in Miles' mouth. The more he kissed him, the more he tasted it, knowing the taste all too well.  
"Miles, are you-"  
"Later."  
Alex's hand crawled across the wall to the lights, turning them to almost full brightness. And sure enough, there in the corner Miles had retreated to many times, was a glass and a bottle of whisky.  
"B-but why? Wha-what?"  
"I couldn't bring myself to hurt you sober."  
"L-lets go." Alex said, almost falling over at the door.  
"I think we ought to get a taxi sharpish."  
"Get it t-to go to hun-n-ters so we look dr-u-unk."

Miles helped Alex out, still teary eyed, and walked through the shop area again.  
"Cheers pal." Miles said, pushing the door open and heading out.  
They hobbled down the street to the outside of the pub as Miles pulled his phone out.  
"It's frigging 10, we ought to call someone else."  
"Jamie." Alex said, falling front-first onto a bin.  
Soon enough Jamie came and helped them into the car. Miles was easy to buckle in. Alex had to lie down.  
"What the hell happened to you two?!" Jamie said, driving down the street in his pyjamas.   
"Both had a few rounds of whisky an' laal twonk here fuckin fell downstairs on his ass!" Miles said, stroking Alex's face now cradled on his lap.  
"Well at least you're alright. Hope your ass recovers soon Al!" Jamie laughed, pulling into the drive to their house. "Need a hand in?"  
"P-p-please." Alex croaked.  
Miles got out and opened the door for Jamie, who carried him up to his room.  
"Jesus Al, are you on your period?! Your backside is covered in blood!"  
"He'll be fine." Miles chuckled. "I'll look after him."  
"Both of you - take care." Jamie said, walking back to the car. "Bye!"

Miles locked all the doors and headed off to help Alex, who was slumped on the bed crying.  
"Babe? Need a hand?"  
"Go get m-me pain ki-ers from down stairs."  
"Ok!" Miles said, nearly running there and back.  
He helped Alex up a little so he could swallow his tablets.  
"Jesus Laa are you sure you're ok?!" Miles said anxiously.  
"Just a li-le painful."  
Miles took off Alex's clothes and wiped some of the blood off his bum with some tissue. Once it had pretty much stopped, he tucked Alex up in bed and jumped in, holding Alex close.  
"Babe I promise I'll never do it again if you don't want to." Miles sobbed, planting careful little kisses on Alex's head.  
"You can do it again, just not with that bloody whip!" Alex joked, laughing then groaning in pain at his backside.  
"Shh, you just go to sleep. It'll ease off in the morning."  
"Sadist." Alex said, poking Miles.  
"Masochist." Miles said back.


	16. Too Much To Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex scooped Miles up and carried him to the sofa in the living room. He wrapped his arms around Miles and pulled him in against his body.  
> "I promise you I'll never let you go." Alex whispered, kissing Miles' lips intently.  
> "You'll have to one da-"  
> "I promise you I'll never let you go Mi." Alex said, silencing Miles again.
> 
> Miles and Alex go on a trip out that ends in the Misery they'd have to get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS but i'm drying up with ideas and i've been so busy recently. Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's kinda short, but I hope it's ok.

"Still got a sore ass?" Miles chuckled, watching Alex squirm in the driver's seat.  
"It may have been a month ago Mi, but funnily enough when you whip someone so hard they bleed, it's bloody gonna hurt for a while!" Alex said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

They had decided to go to the science museum that Miles' parents had got tickets for. It was a fair drive away, but it was worth it.  
"Wanna grab something to eat?" Alex said, pulling into a Mac Donald's car park.  
After the op, different chemo and better anti-emetics, Miles was back to eating almost normally again.  
"Go on then. Get es' a big mac."  
As Alex went inside to get the order, Miles sat playing with the radio, flicking from station to station. Radio 1 was blasting out a familiar tune. Miracle Aligner. Alex returned to find Miles dancing like a lunatic in the car, radio on full blast.   
"Miles! Behave! People are gonna think you've got mental issues!" Alex yelled, sitting back in the car with their order.

They carried on driving as Alex leaned on his right side, then his left, then his right.  
"Sure you're ok Laa?"  
"Me ass will heal in time love, don’t worry. Just, next time we have a fight can we please not take it out on my backside?!" Alex giggled, shifting around on his seat again.

They pulled up at a car park for the science museum and hopped out the car, walking hand in hand to the entrance. Although the museum was swamped with kids, they didn't care.

As they walked around looking at the different things on display, they found themselves being kids again. Suddenly Miles dashed straight for a sand pit, dragging Alex with him. They laughed as Miles drew faces and stars in the sand. And then it clicked.

They were wasting their time trying to please each other and being serious and strict about everything to try and restore order, when really they needed to take a step back. Appreciate each other every day for whatever time they had left together.

They got out of the sand pit and carried on around the museum, laughing and giggling at anything remotely inappropriate. They played the interactive games, solved puzzles and wound up the staff. Alex had the best idea to go on the motion ride there too, which they loved. Every time something jumped out, or something scary happened, Miles would squeeze Alex's hand, or the other way around, or both at the same time.

They were taking the step back, taking a break from being serious for just a small amount of time to catch their breath so-to-say.

"Hay Laa," Miles said, walking out of the building while holding Alex's hand tightly.  
"Miles?" Alex replied, leaning on his shoulder.  
"Today was great. You made me feel…happy again." He sighed.  
"Oh?" Alex paused to question the sadness in Miles' tone.  
Miles ran to the car, shortly followed by Alex.  
"Miles? What's going on?" Alex said, bursting into the car like Miles and slamming the door.  
He looked at Miles' face, tears running down his cheeks.  
"You make me feel like everything is ok again, like I'm not dying anymore, and hell Laa, I don't know what I'd do without you."  
Alex reached over and embraced Miles, tears pricking at his own eyes.  
"Let's go." Alex said, starting the car and driving home again.

Once they had got home, Alex scooped Miles up and carried him to the sofa in the living room. He wrapped his arms around Miles and pulled him in against his body.  
"I promise you I'll never let you go." Alex whispered, kissing Miles' lips intently.  
"You'll have to one da-"  
"I promise you I'll never let you go Mi." Alex said, silencing Miles again.  
Alex started to unbutton his shirt as he kissed Miles more.  
"I can't Al." Miles said, pain in his voice.  
"We don't have to." Alex said, sitting up and pulling his shirt off.  
Slowly, Miles eased into it, taking off his shirt and watching Alex strip in seconds on top of him. Soon both men were naked against each other in the warm living room. Alex gazed into Miles' eyes and bit his lip. He couldn’t help but adore every inch of Miles, scars and all.

As their kisses grew longer and deeper, Miles noticed Alex's hand slide down onto Miles' throbbing dick.  
"Laa-"  
"Can't we just go slow?" Alex whispered, biting Miles' ear in protest.  
Miles stopped kissing Alex for a moment to look back at Alex.  
"Al, I can't, I really can't."  
"Please," Alex begged, his voice nothing more than a faint wheezy whine. "Please."  
Miles kissed Alex again, stroking the back of his head and ruffling his hair. Alex moved his hand back up to Miles' neck, gently stroking it with his thumbs. A lone tear ran down his face and onto Miles' chest as Alex raced to wipe it up. A cough ran up his throat as more tears continued.  
"Oh Laa, look, if I could I would, you know how much I fucking love you."  
"I can't stand this anymore Mi. I feel like your fucking mother!" Alex said, collapsing onto Miles' chest crying. "I just want to have a normal relationship, and I can't!"  
"Babe, look, I know things are hard, but, but…" Miles stuttered, cradling Alex. "We're not normal people?"  
Alex got up, grabbed his clothes and went upstairs. Miles sat on the sofa with his head in his hands thinking about how things should be.

Miles would be healthy; there'd be no cancer. And Alex would be happy. They'd be able to be married for years and years, not hardly 3. They'd make music and love. Things would be better.

"Babe?" Miles said, walking upstairs.  
He swung the door open to their room to see Alex sat facing away on the bed. A bottle of water in one hand, a bottle of pills in the other.  
"Alex, give me those now!" Miles said, walking closer to Alex.  
As he approached, he saw the pill bottle was empty. He sank to his knees in front of Alex, grabbing his hand and throwing the pill bottle away.  
"How many did you have?!" Miles sobbed, looking up at Alex's dazed, sad look.  
"Dunno," he shrugged, still staring at a fixed point on the wall. "Maybe 20, 25, more, dunno."  
Miles pulled himself up to Alex and hugged him tight.

Their relationship and happiness solely depended on drugs and alcohol. No matter what, the highs of the relationship on happiness soon had to be replaced by other means.

"Al?" Miles said, turning Alex's face to look at him.  
"Mmm?" He hummed, completely phased out.  
"Will you stop? Stop the pills? Please, just for me? I gave them all up, I hardly ever drink nowadays too."  
"I'll try." Alex said, eyes glazed over with pupils the size of dinner plates.  
But Miles knew. He knew Alex would get even more drunk and high. It was the only way he knew how to cope.


	17. When The Sun Goes Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Miles I'm so sorry." Alex sobbed, his voice breaking mid sentence.  
> He nuzzled his head into Miles' neck, sniffling every few minutes.  
> "I don't want to ever let you go. I've been such a dick to you, Mi, I'm so sorry."  
> Miles sighed and dropped the knife he was using. He spun around in Alex's grip to wrap his arms around Alex. They swayed gently to the gentle song that was being played.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, just a quick short update. I've been really busy and I've had the next few chapters planned for a while, so I just needed the bridge. The next chapters will be uploaded soon. Also a quick heads up; The next few chapters are quite heavy in topic and are quite controversial. I'm writing from a personal experience, or at least the parts I can remember. So this is your trigger warning.

"Laa?"

Alex moaned under the covers, refusing to get up and out of bed.  
"Come on Laa, I've got to go to hospital."  
Alex moaned again, fighting to stay in bed.  
"Alex I need driven to hospital in 20 minutes so you need to get up!" Miles said, starting to raise his voice more.  
He was sick of getting next to no response off Alex and decided it would be better to drag him out of bed.  
"Alex, come on get u-"  
Alex flopped onto the floor, clinging onto his duvet as Miles pulled it off.  
"You bloody bastard! You're bloody high again aren't you?!"  
Alex moaned again and wrapped the duvet around him.  
"Al, you promised! You promised me you…Al…oh for God's sake Al! Why? You could phone Macmillan and they'd sort you out. Al? Oh who am I kidding, you're dead to the world right now."

Miles sighed and walked back through to the living room. Alex had promised Miles he'd quit taking pills over and over again, only to repeat it every night. Matt, Nick and Jamie had grown accustomed to taking Miles to hospital for his chemo. After all, they were the next closest. He felt like Alex was just a leech, draining what was left of Miles. Every hour of every day he worried over Alex.

Alex stumbled downstairs looking for Miles, only to find a note on the kitchen counter.  
_Gone to hospital, be back by lunch. M x  
_ He took the note into the living room, scrunched it up and threw it into the waste paper bin. When it rolled back into his foot, he looked down, seeing the bin overflowing with the many notes Miles had written for Alex. Or rather, the number of times Alex had been a useless husband. He collapsed to the ground, pulling out all the notes he'd scrunched up. One by one, he unravelled them and read them carefully.

_Gone with Nick to the hospital, be home for lunch. M x_

_Jamie's taking me out for lunch, be home soon Laa M x_

_Stopping at Jamie's tonight, operation tomorrow. See you when I get home M x_

_Matt's birthday party, be home in a few hours M x_

_Gone out to get some food, be back around 10 M x_

_Going into town to get your prescription love ya M x_

The more Alex read, the worse he felt. He'd become so dependent on his daily fix that he'd forgotten about Miles. With each note Alex felt sick inside. _Why am I such a terrible husband?_ He thought to himself. He checked the time. 11:34. Miles would be back any minute.

Alex carried on reading the notes when he heard Miles jiggle the keys into the door. He jumped up, still holding a handful of opened up notes, and ran to see Miles, wrapping his arms around his body.  
"I'm so sorry Mi, please-"  
Miles was a little taken back at Alex's sudden change. Usually he'd get home, make lunch, and they'd never talk.  
"I'm so sorry for all these times." Alex cried, waving the notes in front of Miles' face.

Miles walked through to the kitchen and turned the radio on. Alex wrapped his arms around Miles as he made lunch, still crying. He looked up at the calendar, shocked as he saw it was 3 months later than he thought.  
"Miles I'm so sorry." Alex sobbed, his voice breaking mid sentence.  
He nuzzled his head into Miles' neck, sniffling every few minutes.  
"I don't want to ever let you go. I've been such a dick to you, Mi, I'm so sorry."  
Miles sighed and dropped the knife he was using. He spun around in Alex's grip to wrap his arms around Alex. They swayed gently to the gentle song that was being played - Life On Earth by Band Of Horses.

_# Life on Earth is ending // Life on Earth is changing // And time on Earth is changing // And time on Earth is ending #_

Alex couldn't hold back his emotions any longer. At first, it was a quiet sob, then it erupted into Alex balling his eyes out into Miles.  
"Shh," Miles said, cradling Alex's body. "It's gonna be ok babe."  
Outside, clouds had come over and rain started to pour down onto the windows.  
"Al, it's going to be ok." Miles said, holding Alex's face in his hands.

He finished making lunch and ate it in the living room with Alex, who was still sobbing. They passed the time snuggled up on the sofa together idly watching telly. But Alex could only focus on Miles, and Miles could only focus on Alex.

"Mi."  
"Yeah Laa?"  
"What would you do if I died first?"  
"And why are you asking me this question?"  
"Well what if I died first?"  
"Well I'd be distraught. But it wouldn’t happen."  
"Suppose I was in a car crash."  
"I'd probably mourn for a few weeks and try to move on. Or overdose on medication."  
"What if I killed myself?"  
"You're not actually going to kill yourself Laa, are you?!"  
"No, of course not. But if I did-"  
"Well if you're not we needn't talk about it."

Alex continued to hold onto Miles. He thought Miles had pretty much come to terms with the fact he'd be losing his lover by now. Granted Alex could push that date sooner if he wanted to. And he wanted to. It would still break his heart to leave Miles, but at this point, it was for the better, right? Miles wouldn't have to put up with him constantly being a nuisance. He just needed a few days to collect himself and plan it out, and Miles would have a better life.

"Love you babe." Alex said, hugging Miles tight.  
"Love you too Laa." Miles replied, kissing Alex's lips.


	18. Joining The Dots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He put as many ibuprofens in his mouth as he could swallow, and gulped down the absinthe as fast as he could. Soon all the tablets were gone, and he forced his aching stomach to accept the last drops of absinthe, before collapsing to the floor, smashing the glass. A shard stabbed into his hand as he fell.
> 
> Alex had reached a new all time low. Alone, in the middle of the night, he decides enough is enough. Will Miles's desperate last minute attempts to save him be enough for their story to carry on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is your last warning, it gets very soppy and sad from here on. I'm a really terrible person for this. Make sure you've got tissues...

Alex stared at the clock as Miles snored. If only he could sleep as well as Miles could. As he watched the clock, his mind became clouded with thoughts.

_Nobody cares about me anymore. They only care for Miles. Jamie, Nick, even Matt, they don’t care. Miles is probably the only one who does, and even then, he’s dying anyway. In a couple more years he’ll be dead, and what does it matter if I’m still alive or not? I’m nothing but an alcoholic and a druggie. I’m a terrible husband. What does it matter anymore?_

_What if I killed myself?_

He gently pulled the covers off, the last 5 words ringing between his ears, like a broken record playing the same lyric over and over again. He sat up, Miles’ snoring undisturbed, and cautiously made his way downstairs and to the kitchen.

Quietly he opened the kitchen door and shut it behind him, sinking down behind it and breaking down. Tears rolled straight off his face. It took him a minute to stand up again to sit at the table, only to fold his arms and cry there. He felt useless. He felt alienated. He thought about what would happen if he did die. If he just killed himself right now.

He got up and opened the cupboard he kept his drink and pills in. Miles was fully aware of it, and kept tabs on what was taken over time. He hadn't opened this cupboard for a few days, though. He'd promised Miles he'd stop the pills once and for all. Fumbling with the jacket pocket hung on the back of the kitchen door, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes. Then he spun around an opened the cupboard, taking out a large bottle of absinthe he'd declared was just a decoration.

He stood up, lit a cigarette and took a large drag on it. With trembling hands he pulled a piece of paper off the notepad. Grabbing a pen, he sat down again.

He took another long drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out in the middle of the table. He lit another and held it in his hand, thinking of what to write.

_~~Dear Miles,~~ _ ~~  
_I’m sorry  I’ve been a terrible husband._~~

_~~Dear Miles,~~ _ ~~  
_The evidence around you is enough to say_~~

_~~Miles,  
I know I've been a bad~~ _ ~~~~

_Dear Miles,_  
_I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just can’t deal with this anymore. This cancer, these pills, I just can’t cope. Jesus Mi, no one ever asks about how I feel. No offence, but this is all one sided. It’s always “How’s Miles?” and never “How’s Alex?”. Don’t lie, you know it’s always the case. And I’m sorry, but I can’t continue on. In a few years you’ll be dead anyway, so what does it even matter? You’re dying physically, I’m dying mentally, and if by now you haven't realised, here’s the truth: When your heart flat-lines in that hospital, I’ll be running to the top to jump. There is no way I can live without you, and having to live through this isn't easy Miles. I love you, but this is getting unbearable. There’s an elephant in the bedroom and his name is Cancer. I look at your bald head and I feel like I need to care for you, not make out with you. And it’s not just that. It’s the chemo drips, the medications, the blood tests, the hospital appointments, everything about this. I've been such a terrible husband. Remember the time you had the really long operation and I slept around? When you left that hotel room, I wanted to tie a rope around my neck. All these mistakes I've made, it all adds up in my mind. I can't help having a guilty conscience. And to dull away the pain of it all I sit around numb high on pain killers. Maybe in another world, we're together. Happily together. I wouldn't be such a fucking terrible husband. At least now you don't have to deal with this. No more pills. No more drinking. No more Alex._  
_I’m sorry. I love you._  
_Alex x_

He sat up, reading it a few times, before stubbing out the second cigarette. He quickly stepped to the bathroom and grabbed 3 boxes of his painkillers. He made his way back to the kitchen, locked the door, and began popping out the pills onto the table. Once all of them were on the table, he grabbed a pint glass, opened the bottle and poured the contents in. With one hand he held all the tablets, and with the other, a full pint of absinthe.

“I’m so sorry Miles.” He cried.

He put as many ibuprofens in his mouth as he could swallow, and gulped down the absinthe as fast as he could. Soon all the tablets were gone, and he forced his aching stomach to accept the last drops of absinthe, before collapsing to the floor, smashing the glass. A shard stabbed into his hand as he fell.  
_‘Shit!’_ He thought, panicking.  
If that didn’t wake Miles, he didn't know what would.

“Alex? Where are you?” Miles asked, trying to get out of bed.  
He was exhausted and was slowly walking out of his room when he heard Alex throw up downstairs. His heart raced in his chest as he tried to speed up, falling over. He simply was beyond exhaustion by now. Guided by the crack of light beneath the door, he crawled along as fast as he could.  
“Alex!? Alex!? Can you hear me!?” Miles yelled, scrambling downstairs as fast as he could.  
He had pulled himself up and resorted to staggering, clinging to the wall. After getting no reply from Alex, he knew this was urgent.

“Alex, are you ok!?” Miles said, grasping the handle on the door.   
There was a distinct sound of panic in his voice, only made worse after he couldn’t open the door. He pushed and pushed to no avail.  
“ALEX! OPEN THIS BLOODY DOOR!” Miles screamed, rattling the handle furiously.   
He could smell smoke and alcohol, but he didn't care.  
“Alex, if you're drinking or smoking, I don't care, just open this door!”

Alex couldn't help but vomit, his body rejecting the alcohol and painkiller concoction. The blood draining from his hand was making him light headed. As much as he wanted to shout for help, he ached for death.  
“ALEX I SWEAR TO GOD YOU COULD BE DOING EVERY DRUG IN THE WORLD OFF A HOOKER'S BODY IN THERE AND I WOULDN'T CARE JUST PLEASE OPEN THIS DOOR!” Miles shouted.  
He was on his knees now, gasping for air still jiggling the handle.

After what felt like an eternity, the lock broke off the wooden door, granting Miles access to Alex. He threw himself in to see Alex on the floor surrounded by blood, cigarettes, alcohol, broken glass and pink tablets.  
“ALEX!?” Miles shouted, kneeling down beside him and shaking his shoulders.  
He looked into Alex's eyes as he continued to vomit. He threw his hand onto the counter, frantically searching for the phone.  
“Al, I’m calling an ambulance.”  
Alex looked at him wide eyed as he shook his head.  
“You need to go to hospital!”  
“No hospital.” Alex whined.  
"No you're fucking going to hospital." Miles said, glaring at Alex.  
He laid there, utterly powerless to Miles, trying to find the words to explain.  
“I...I...depress...die...want...I...I…”  
“What? What is it love?” Miles said caringly, kneeling by Alex.  
He pointed at the table with his eyes.

When Miles looked on the table, he began to piece together what had happened. He saw the bottle left aside, along with the trays of painkillers. He spotted a folded up note, and opened it. Reading parts of Alex’s note left him heart-broken. This was seriously taking a toll on his husband.

“Alex, what on earth is-" Miles said, reading slowly down the note.   
He got down and knelt by Alex, and saw how much he had brought up. It hit him then just how serious this was.  
"P…Please tell me you…didn't try…to…to commit…suicide." Miles said, frozen to the spot clutching Alex's note.  
Alex tried desperately not to throw up anymore.  
Miles grabbed onto Alex's shoulders with as much force as possible. He shook him back and forth, trying to get Alex to focus.  
"LISTEN TO ME! LOOK AT ME!" Miles yelled, starting to cry. "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE DIE NOW!"

Picking up the phone, he dialled 999. His hands shook as he spoke with the operator, keeping his eyes fixed on Alex.

"5 minutes Al, can you last 5 minutes!?"  
"Miles I think I'm…I'm gon-"  
"Alex? ALEX?!" Miles cried, watching Alex's eyes roll back into his head.

There were sirens outside before Miles had time to react. He let go of Alex and sprinted to unlock the door.   
"He's just through here!" Miles said, dashing back to the kitchen to find Alex having a seizure.  
He tried to rush into Alex only to be pulled back out of the way by one of the paramedics.

"Patient has been reported to have ingested a large amount of alcohol and painkillers as an attempted suicide. Severe blood loss from right hand due to a major skin laceration caused by embedded glass. Now can somebody pass me some Valium to stop this seizure and have adrenaline and a Defib on standby please."  
Everything the paramedics were saying were washing over Miles. He stood in the corner in shock as Alex was dealt with. Before he knew it, he was being lifted up onto a stretcher and carried out into the ambulance.

In the ambulance, Miles held Alex's hand, too scared to let go. Before they set off, they attached a saline drip to his arm and put 2 tubes down his throat; one for oxygen and the other for a stomach pump.  
"Come on baby, hang on for me." Miles cried, stroking Alex's hand.  
"Mark, can you drive any faster, his BP is critically low."  
Miles looked at the paramedic, and then to the driver.  
"How's he doing?" Miles said, his eyes filling with pain.  
"Sweetheart, he's really not doing well I'm afraid.  
For a split second, Alex's eyelids fluttered open and stared straight at Miles before closing again.  
"ETA 3 mins!"

After they got to the hospital, Miles was forced to stay outside of Alex's room. He'd seen many rooms, and knew this one all too well.

ICU.


	19. Potion Approaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alex, please, come back. Wake up. For me. Just wake up for me please." Miles begged, listening to the beeps of the monitor and Alex's breathing.  
> He kept his hands wrapped around Alex's, gently stroking the areas that weren't bandaged. 
> 
> Still in ICU, Alex fights for his life. Soon it's clear that things aren't going according to plan, and with the odds stacked against them, can Alex pull through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is turning into a roller coaster. Here's a massive update while I think of how to write the next bit. Make sure you've got tissues, I've made people who aren't in the fandom cry with this.

"Will he be ok?" Miles asked as nurses and doctors surrounded Alex's bed.  
"It's still uncertain, but I'd prepare yourself for the worst." A doctor said, gently rubbing Miles' shoulder.

He sat on the chair next to the bed holding Alex's bandaged hand as he watched them force tubes into Alex. One was in his nose, two straight down his throat and a rounded pipe in his mouth. Numerous drips hung above his head including a bag of blood.  
"You look curious Mr. Kane," A nurse said, watching Miles stare at Alex. "The tube in his nose is for oxygen, the two down his throat are for the stomach pump, and this is called an OP airway to keep his airway open."  
Miles looked at the nurse blankly. He was to occupied with worrying over Alex to care.  
"Will he be ok?" He asked.  
"Well pet, I'm sorry but I don't think he will be."  
"Oh."

He stayed in the room with Alex for hours, only leaving to go to the toilet or to get coffee. He anxiously waited for Alex's condition to improve, even just slightly, to give him a slither of hope.  
"Mr Kane, I'm afraid it's no longer visiting hours and I have to request you leave." A nurse said, walking in holding a clipboard.  
"Visiting hours don't apply to me."  
"You're not a doctor, so get out." The nurse replied, standing by the door.  
"I'm sure the rules of ICU visiting times are void when a dying man is trying to spend time with his dying husband." Miles snarled, still holding Alex's hand.  
"Right, that’s it gay lord, can you get out now before I have to call security." The nurse snapped, approaching Miles and grabbing his arm, pulling him away.  
He fought back to stay with Alex but was too weak to resist. The nurse dragged him out and into the reception area of ICU. Once the nurse let go, he turned around and walked back, looking through the window. The door was still open, but he didn't want to anger the nurse any more than he had for fear of being kicked out.

"Right, gay lord, what's your name?" The nurse said to Alex as Miles listened in. "Alex, is it? Well you listen here. You're wasting my time. I was called in on my day off to have to deal with you. And it says here you're an attempted suicide. Well listen here, you should have done better, you failing fuck. You're a drain on the NHS. It’s little shits like you that ruin our pay."  
Miles' face was turning red with rage as he heard Alex's heart monitor speed up.  
"Good, you're paying attention. You know, I think all gays should be shot and killed. You especially."  
Miles couldn't help himself anymore. His anger boiled up inside and he bolted into his room.  
"Listen here you bitch," Miles said, walking towards the nurse. "If you say one more word to my husband I will have you personally fired from your job and sued for all you're worth, which to be honest, isn't much. If you push that security button now, who are they going to take? Go on, push it. See what happens."  
"You know, I could flick this little switch right here and your husband would be no more. So perhaps you should leave now."  
Miles was torn. If he left he had a hunch the nurse would do something bad. If he stayed, the nurse was definitely going to do something bad. In the heat of the moment, he pulled the nurse away from Alex and slammed his hand on the security button. Soon enough, two security men appeared.  
"This nurse was going to cause harm to my husband and prevent me from seeing him."  
The nurse glared at Miles, walking back to the nurse's station to call someone else over to deal with them.

Miles took his seat back next to Alex, threading his fingers through Alex's.  
"Don't worry about it Laa. Don't worry about not waking up. It's ok." Miles sobbed, knowing Alex could still hear him. "But Alex I beg you, try to fight. Fight for me, for the lads, for everyone. Hold on. Please."

Suddenly, Alex's heart monitor started producing a variety of beeps. Nurses and doctors flocked in again, pushing Miles out the way. They all started talking at the same time, making it hard for Miles to pick out any words. The words he did hear were 'seizure', 'pump' and 'emergency'. He held his head in his hands as he felt his heart thump faster and faster in his chest. His knees felt weak and his breathing was shallow. A nurse quickly ran over to him.  
"Sir, are you ok?"  
Miles' head started spinning and his vision blurred. He started to hear ringing in his ears as his entire body went limp.  
"Can somebody help me here please." The nurse said, catching Miles before he hit the ground.

"Mr Kane? Can you hear me Mr Kane?" Someone said as he woke up on the floor of the ICU room where Alex was.  
His legs were raised on a chair and he had been wrapped in a blanket. A nurse helped him up onto a row of chairs to lay down.  
"You fainted when we were dealing with Mr Kane over there. He's stable again."  
Miles stood up and felt dizzy. He carefully strode back over to the chair next to Alex and sat down again, slumping his head onto the side of his bed.  
"We'll leave you alone." A nurse said, smiling and walking out closing the door behind them.

"Alex, please, come back. Wake up. For me. Just wake up for me please." Miles begged, listening to the beeps of the monitor and Alex's breathing.  
He kept his hands wrapped around Alex's, gently stroking the areas that weren't bandaged. Suddenly, he felt Alex's fingers twitch. Looking up at his face, he saw Alex's eyes open. His face lit up as he watched Alex stretch his hand open to cup Miles' cheek. He tried to pull the oxygen mask on his face off only to have Miles put it back on for him.  
"Laa, you've got to get better. You've got to keep it on for me love." Miles said, comforting Alex.  
Just then, Miles got a text off Nick.

_where u at? house is empty an kitchen is a mess?_

Miles read out his reply to Alex as he wrote it.

_at the hospital with al, tried to kill himself_

Alex wrapped his fingers around Miles' arm and squeezed it tight.  
"What Laa? You don't want me to say that?"  
Alex shook his head fast.  
"Should I just say I'm at the hosp- ok he's calling me I'm gonna have to tell him."  
Alex squirmed on his bed and tried to make noises to no avail.  
"It's ok, I won't." Miles said, kissing Alex on the cheek. "Hi Nick, I'm just at the hospital."  
_"Are you ok Miles? The kitchen looks gnarly!"_  
"Me, oh, I'm fine, really. Just fucked up making dinner."  
_"With small white tablets and alcohol?"_  
"Shit." Miles said, covering the speaker. "Look Nick, it's nowt. Honestly."  
_"Is it just Alex being funny again?"_  
"Uhh, sort of. We're fine. Really. We should be back out soon. Bye." Miles said hastily.

Miles laid his head down on the side of Alex's bed to sleep, still holding onto his hand. A nurse came in and turned the lights off, still allowing light to seep through the blinds from the corridor. He gently drifted off to sleep snuggling up to Miles' head.

A few hours later, he woke up, clutching his stomach. He tried to wake Miles up but couldn't. He was too weak and tired to be effective. He tried to hit Miles' head, but couldn't swing his arm hard enough. He kicked the covers on his bed and tried to push the help button by his hand only to have it slide off the bed. Panicking, he tried to yell, only to have his voice muffled by the tubes and pipes down his throat. Miles' head slid off the bed and onto his lap, leaving Alex helpless. The dull pain in his stomach was starting to get worse and worse. He twisted his arm up and tried to reach the emergency button, but he could only just touch it with the tip of his finger. His pulse was racing as beads of sweat mixed with his tears. He reached his hand back out to Miles and pulled on his ear, nose and eyebrow desperately trying to wake him. Suddenly he felt a rush of warm come up his throat as he vomited. Not much came up, but it was thick and lumpy, and more like curdled blood. He continued to thrash around, struggling to breathe. Miles finally woke up, groggy and tired.

"What is it Laa?" Miles yawned, looking at Alex in the dark.

He tried to make noise and grabbed Miles again, pulling on his face. Miles could feel something damp on Alex's hand as he tugged on his cheek.

"I'll put the light on, ok?" Miles said, standing up.

Once he'd put the lights on, he turned around to see Alex's oxygen mask covered in thick, dark blood. He frantically grabbed the handle to the room and slammed the door open, yelling for help as loud as he could. A nurse bolted through the door, followed by a doctor.   
"We need to remove the OP airway!"  
"If we do and he has a seizure he will die."  
"We can't leave it in because he'll choke!"  
"Get me the ultrasound team and another suction unit now."  
"Another suction unit?"  
"Quickly!"  
Alex wrapped his hand tight around Miles' arm, dragging him in. Miles could see the pain in his eyes as he tried desperately to cough and take out the tubes in his throat. The doctor sat him up and looked around for another OP airway.  
"Mr Kane I'm going to take this pipe out and replace it now ok?"  
Before the doctor could start, Nick, Matt and Jamie burst through the doors.  
"We heard Miles shouting down the corridor." Matt said, as the room fell silent.  
The doctor removed the pipe, letting Alex speak again.  
"You three, leave, now. Come back in 5."  He croaked angrily, breathing heavily and spitting blood.  
They quickly scurried out the room.  
"Miles," He said, pulling his ear to his mouth. "I'm so sorry. For this. It never should have happened. I should have died. _I should have died_."  
"Listen Al, I'm not gonna let you go. No chance."  
"Do you know what it feels like to have pipes shoved down your throat?"  
"Well, yes I do."  
"Do you know what it feels like to have pipes shoved down your throat _when you should be dead_?"  
"Ok doctor, I think it's time you put that pipe back in." Miles said, glaring at Alex.   
Once the doctor finished, the ultrasound team walked into the room and begun prepping up the machine.  
"Al," Miles whispered, viciously grabbing his throat and angling his head towards him. "I need you in my life, so don't you _dare_ walk out of it now."

"Ok if you look here there's three stomach bleeds into the abdomen which will require urgent attention."  
"We can't sedate him if he keeps having seizures. It’s highly dangerous to operate." The doctor said, frantically searching through Alex's notes.  
"If you leave them he'll just keep bleeding out. You've got to do something."  
"The best we can do is medication. The only downside is there's a side effect." He sighed, returning the clipboard to the bottom of his bed.  
"What the side effect?" Miles injected.  
"Seizures." The doctor sighed, walking out.  
Alex looked around the room before quickly hoisting himself up and vomiting again. Miles jumped up and followed the doctor down the corridor.  
"Keep an eye on him for me." Miles said to Nick as he dashed past.

"Doctor?"  
"Yes?"  
"Do something."  
"What?"  
"I don't care what you have to do, just make sure he lives."  
"I'm a doctor, not a demi-god. I can only help people if I have the resources."  
"Please."  
"I'm sorry, but we'll have to wait until he improves. It's too dangerous to do anything else."  
Miles walked back through the corridor hanging his head low. He jumped out of his skin when Matt ran into him.  
"Miles! Come quick! Alex is having another seizure!"  
He tried to run with Matt but his legs collapsed under him. His chest felt like it was going to burst as his breathing fell shallower again. When he looked up for Matt he felt tiny, and a wave of panic dragged him under as his mind shattered. He felt like he was in a nightmare, unable to wake up. Matt wrapped Miles' arm over his shoulder and dragged him up to Alex's room.

"Miles?" Jamie said, shaking him. "They've taken Alex to get surgery, ok?"  
"Where." Miles said, standing up and walking around.  
"Miles, they'll bring him back once he's out. He'll be ok."  
"But what if he's not?"  
"Calm down. He'll be ok."  
"Mr Kane?" A doctor asked, walking up to the group of men.  
"That's me." Miles said, standing up as his heart jumped into his throat.  
"We need you to come through to see your husband. Immediately." He sighed, trying to keep himself composed.

Miles paused for a moment, wiping a stray tear with his hand. Only one thing ran through his mind.

_Is he dead?_


	20. Diamonds Are Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mr Kane-"  
> "Please, call me Miles."  
> "Ok, Miles, there was a complication in the surgery."  
> Miles felt his chest tighten as his stomach grew heavy.  
> "C-carry on doctor." He mumbled, trying to take deep breaths.  
> "His body rejected the anaesthetic after having such a high exposure to the painkillers he was subjected to."  
> Miles felt his chest ache again.  
> "G-g-go on."  
> "We have therefore deemed it unsafe to go through with the surgical procedure."  
> He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he carried on walking with the doctor.  
> "We've chosen to keep him in a medically induced coma in the hopes his situation will improve."
> 
> With even more complications with Alex, Miles has more decisions to make. Should he continue chemo? After all, if Alex was doomed to die, what's the point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, hold onto your hearts. Things are set to change. Shout out to the die hard fans who can't help but read, you guys rock!

_"Mr Kane?" A doctor asked, walking up to the group of men._  
"That's me." Miles said, standing up as his heart jumped into his throat.  
"We need you to come through to see your husband. Immediately." He sighed, trying to keep himself composed.

_Miles paused for a moment, wiping a stray tear with his hand. Only one thing ran through his mind._

_Is he dead?_

\---

"Mr Kane-"  
"Please, call me Miles."  
"Ok, Miles, there was a complication in the surgery."  
Miles felt his chest tighten as his stomach grew heavy.  
"C-carry on doctor." He mumbled, trying to take deep breaths.  
"His body rejected the anaesthetic after having such a high exposure to the painkillers he was subjected to."  
Miles felt his chest ache again.  
"G-g-go on."  
"We have therefore deemed it unsafe to go through with the surgical procedure."  
He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he carried on walking with the doctor.  
"We've chosen to keep him in a medically induced coma in the hopes his situation will improve."  
He couldn't help it. His breathing started to race again. His heart pounded fast and hard in his chest and he felt like he was about to vomit. Suddenly the ground underneath him was rising to his face.  
"Mr Kane? Miles? Can you hear me?"  
Miles, having wrapped his arms around his legs and pushing himself into the wall, could only look at the doctor.  
"Miles, you're having a panic attack. Can you please try to breathe and stay calm."  
The only thing He could clearly think about was Alex. And everything about Alex. And his face. And his hair. And the two spots just underneath his lips. And the scars he now had on his cheeks. And his goofy laugh. And their first dance as a married couple. And the time he bought Miles a record player. And their 4th date, where they went to Paris together while on tour and kissed at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Slowly he felt his breathing and his heart calm.  
"Mr Kane, are you ok now?"  
"What happened?"  
"You had a panic attack. Here, your husband's room is just through here."  
He walked through to see Alex surrounded by machines and even more tubes and pipes. Miles immediately ran over to Alex's bed. He knelt down beside it and started to cry as he realised this could be one fight they couldn't win.  
"Mi?"  
Miles threw his head up and looked at Alex.  
"It's me. Jamie."  
Miles stood up and turned around, seeing the boys at the door.  
"Please tell us what happened." Nick said, walking over to hug Miles.

"i…i…it was the other night…he couldn't sleep… went to the kitchen…t…tried to-"  
He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Instead, more tears flowed out of his eyes as he broke down hugging Nick.  
"It's ok." Nick  said, patting Miles' back awkwardly.  
"Wait," Jamie said, pulling Miles off Nick and putting his hands on his shoulders. "Did he try to kill himself?"  
"That's not our Alex, don’t be so fucking stupid." Matt said, sitting down by the wall.  
Miles slowly nodded his head.  
All three of the other men gasped at the thought of Alex, one of the happiest people they knew, being depressed.  
"With all the chemo, and the pills and the drink and everything, he can't take it anymore …" Miles said , staring at the ground. "…and neither can I."  
Miles sunk to the ground, holding his head in his hands.

The room was filled with an awkward silence. Miles sat by Alex's head, the other three sat at the opposite wall. No one dared speak. Even the doctors were silent when checking Alex's vitals. The only movement was to leave the room to get food, a drink or to go to the toilet. No-body wanted to leave Alex, just incase it was _time_. And Miles, well he ran every time he left, desperate to get back to see Alex again.

"Does his parents know?" Jamie said gently, kneeling on the floor next to Miles.  
He shook his head, eyes fixed on Alex.  
"Should we phone them? They need to know Miles."  
Miles nodded. Jamie got up and left the room, phoning Alex's parent's.

"Hello? Is this Penny?"  
_"Speaking."_  
"It's Jamie."  
_"Hi Jamie, how are you?"_  
"I'm alright. You?"  
_"I'm doing good, thanks."_  
"Ok, I need you to stay calm."  
_"What? What's going on?"_  
"You and David need to come to the hospital ASAP."  
_"What!? JESUS tell me it's not Miles!"_  
"Good news or bad news first?"  
_"Wha-uhh-good?"_  
"Good news, it's not Miles. Bad news, it's Alex."  
_"*DAVID! GET THE CAR! IT'S ALEX* Ok sweetie what ward is he on?"_  
"ICU. I'll meet you at the main entrance."  
_"ICU…? Jesus Christ I'll be right there Jamie ok? See you soon."_

"They're on their way now." Jamie said, poking his head around the door before shooting off.

Soon enough, Jamie returned with Alex's parents.  
"Before we go in, just, brace yourself." Jamie said, blocking the way.  
"He wasn't in a crash again, was he?" David said.  
"No."  
"Well then we'll be ok with it." He said, pushing through.  
He froze at the door with the sight of Alex surrounded by so many machines. Penny gasped in shock.  
"My baby!" She yelled, running forwards while dropping her jacket and purse.  
She stroked Alex's face as tears began to  stream down her own.  
"What happened?" Alex's dad said.  
"Can you give us a minute guys?" Miles said in flat monotone, looking at the others.  
They hurried out and shut the door behind them.

"Have you got tissues?" Miles said, as Alex's parents pulled chairs up to Alex's bed.  
"Yeah, plenty." Penny said, taking out the bag.  
"Can I have one please." Miles said.  
She looked a little confused and shocked, but gave him one anyway.  
"Bear with me if I cry, please. The other night," Miles began, feeling tears starting to well up as he fidgeted with the tissue in his hands. "The other night, uhh, he couldn't sleep and he decided to, uhh, go down into the kitchen and, uhh, take out a bottle of absinthe and, uhh, he took some pills out the, uhh, the strong ones he's been getting on prescription and, uhh, he got a pen and a piece of paper and, uhh, he, uhh…" Miles trailed off, still trying to compose himself.  
He wiped his cheeks of tears and blew his nose, and then carried on. Opposite him, both of Alex's parents were starting to cry as they realised where this was going.  
"He, he wrote a s…suicide note, and, uhh, he, uhh, t…tried to commit suicide in the, uhh, the kitchen by t…taking the pills with the absinthe and I found him there and, uhh, he had cut his hand on the glass, and, uhh, I phoned for and ambulance and-"  
He noticed his pitch was slowly rising, and the flood he had been holding back came out.  
"Th…they came and he started having a  fit and they took him here and he kept having fits and vomiting blood and  they gave him a stomach pump and he needed surgery so they started it but there was a complication so they've put him in a coma so he might recover but they don’t think he-"  
And then he lost it. And so did they.

For the next week, they never left. Jamie occasionally did runs out to let people get washed and get new clothes and to eat. Apart from Miles. He never left for more than 15 minutes.  
"Miles, you need to go to chemo." Jamie said, shaking his shoulder. "You need to go."  
Miles stood up as the whole room watched.

"Fuck it. I'm gonna quit chemo." He yelled, walking down the corridor.  
He bumped into a doctor as he turned the corner.  
"Jesus, what’s your problem?" He growled, marching off to the cancer ward.

Once he got there, he cancelled his appointment, and quit. Right there, right then.  
"But sir," One of the doctors said, stopping him from signing the paperwork. "If you carry on with chemo, your chance of surviving will increase to 60% by next year."  
"I could survive, but my husband won't, and I can't live without him." He snarled, scribbling his name on the form.  
"If you choose to re-join, you won’t be able to get treatment in time."  
"Fine by me."

When he came back, Jamie pounced on him.  
"Please tell me you didn't quit chemo!"  
"It's done now-"  
"WHY DID YOU QUIT CHEMO?!"  
"Because he's gonna die so what would I do without him!"  
Jamie slapped him across the face and dragged him outside.  
"WHY DID YOU QUIT CHEMO!?"  
"Jesus, why does it matter?"  
"THEY'RE WAKING HIM UP!"  
In the history of 'Oh shit' moments, that was the worst.  
"I'll be back soon. Give me the car keys."  
Jamie handed them over.  
"Are you sure you want to go now? He could wake up anytime now!"  
Miles simply carried on walking.

As he left the hospital, he saw it was getting dark outside. It was mid-November, making it about  6 ish. Once he got to the car, he jumped in and drove off. He didn't go far; only to the harbour side. He drove up to the top of the car park, got out, and walked as far away from everyone as he could.  
"Miles, you stupid idiot. You stupid, ignorant, fucking dumb cunt. Why did you quit chemo? You absolute ball sack. Bollocks shit piss fuck bitch cunt dick bastard BOLLOCKS!" He yelled out over the railings. He fell backwards onto his back and curled into a ball on the pavement. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and dribbled down his face, splashing on the ground. He threw his hands into his pockets and pulled out a packet of Alex's cigarettes. Putting one in his mouth, he sat up and lit it. He watched the sea as he smoked it, thinking about the future he just threw away like a finished fag. He smoked another, got back in the car and drove back to the hospital.

As he walked through the door, the doctor was giving everyone a rundown of what was happening.  
"Well?" Miles said, putting his jacket down.  
"Where the fuck have you been?" Alex snapped, pulling his oxygen mask off.  
Everyone stood up and left the room, knowing there was going to be quite a storm.

"Well? Where have you been? I've been awake for 3 hours!"  
"I was only gone like 20 mins!"  
"No, you were gone for 4 hours, you useless piece of shit!"  
"Did they tell you." He sighed, looking at Alex.  
"Tell me what?"  
"I quit chemo."  
"Come here…" Alex said, beckoning Miles closer.  
With one swing, he slapped Miles straight across the face, leaving a bright red mark.  
"You piece of shit!"  
"And my chance of survival would have gone up to 60%"  
Alex swung harder, making Miles fall to the floor.  
"What about us!?"  
"You were supposed to die!"  
"I was _supposed_ to die? Hm?"  
"Well no, but-"  
"If I was supposed to die, I guess you'd need this!" Alex yelled, kicking Miles down again and throwing his wedding ring off.  
It bounced and rolled out under the gap in the door. Outside, everyone gasped. This was _not_ supposed to happen.  
"GO!" Alex yelled, starting to cry.  
Miles grabbed his stuff, tears rolling down his cheek.  
"LEAVE NOW YOU SON OF A BITCH! Maybe I SHOULD HAVE DIED!"

Everyone tried to stop Miles as he picked up the ring, but he took it, and his jacket, and ran off. Uncatchable, unavailable, unpredictable.

"Alex! Dick move!" Jamie said, walking back breathless. "He's gone now!"  
Alex yelled and threw a tantrum, yanking tubes and drips off and hitting the machines.  
"It's all my fault! I should just die!" Alex cried, climbing off his bed and falling to the floor. He was still really woozy, but he managed to run down the corridor.  
"MILES!" He screamed, frantically turning corners in search of him. "MILES I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"  
It was too late. He watched the monitor screen at the Nurse's station. It flicked to the main entrance, and Miles dashing out. He sank to his knees on the cold, hard hospital floor.  
"I didn't mean it." He sobbed, looking at the stitched mess on his hand and the cannulas on his arms.


	21. Bad Habits part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Al, please, don't get mad." Miles said, closing the door gently behind him.  
> "Come here." He said, calmly, smiling at Miles.  
> He slowly stepped towards Alex's bed, scared he'd lash out.   
> Instead, Alex jumped up a little and wrapped his arms around Miles.  
> "I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."  
> "I thought you were still angry."  
> Alex shook his head and held Miles tighter.  
> "I can't stay mad at my Mi." He sobbed, feeling at home in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, you've had enough heartbreak. Here's your reward ;)

"Has anyone heard from Miles yet?" Alex asked, looking around.  
His parents had gone home a few days ago after his condition improved. It had been a week and Miles still wasn't here.  
"No, sorry Al." Jamie said.  
Just then, a doctor walked in.  
"Where's your man?" The doctor joked, checking Alex's vitals.  
"Ran off a week ago."  
"Oh, sorry. Anyway Mr. Kane, we've looked at how you've improved and decided to put you on medication to help your stomach.  There's also a counsellor coming in to talk to you."  
"Counsellor? No, no, not for me."  
"Sorry. Hospital guidelines say you have to see them for at least 10 sessions after a suicide attempt."  
"Oh."  
There was an awkward silence after Alex was hooked up to his new medication in anticipation of the counsellors arrival. When they walked through the door, the boys rushed out.

"Hi, my name is Nicola. You can call me Nic if you like. I'm here from the Mental Health department to talk to you for a while."  
_'Oh great, I'm a saddo in therapy now.'_ Alex thought, thinking about Miles.  
"I work a lot with Macmillan cancer support and as I understand Miles, your husband, has had an impact on your life." She said, sitting at the side of his bed.  
"Wait, how do you know his name?" Alex asked, surprised at how she had used his first name.  
"I've been giving him counselling for years, Alex. Didn't he tell you?"  
Alex was shocked and surprised at this. He'd often droned on to Miles about how people who get therapy and counselling were weak saddos with no life. Never did he think for one minute Miles was actually getting counselling.  
"No. Have you seen him recently?"  
"Why, funny you should say that! I was with him only yesterday!"  
Alex tried to blurt out his thoughts all at once as he sprung up in bed. "Is he at home ok not here?!"  
"Umm, he didn't say much. He seemed a little off and said he had been drinking. He mentioned you had an argument."  
"We did."  
"Well are you both ok?"  
"He hasn't been here for a week, and no-one has been able to contact him."  
"What about you Alex? Are you ok?"  
"I miss him. I'm so sorry, I just need him back."  
"I can try and phone him if you like."  
"Please Nic. Please."

"Hi Miles, it's Nicola. I think you should come and see Alex in hospital. No, he's not angry at all. Trust me. I think you need to talk things out. Great. See you!"

"So he'll come?"  
"10 minutes. Why don't you tell me about how you are. How you've been feeling. Miles has told me a lot but I need you to fill in the gaps."  
"Ok, where do I start?"  
"At the start."  
"When he was first diagnosed? Well, I drank. A lot. And smoked. I tried to quit, but I couldn't. And then later I started taking pills. Then the years blurred together after I had the crash."  
"Ah, yes, I remember that. Miles was so worried about you."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.  
"I think I ought to give you some privacy. See you soon Alex."  
"Hiya Nic." Miles said, walking in.  
"Hi Miles. How are you?"  
"Alright."

"Al, please, don't get mad." Miles said, closing the door gently behind him.  
"Come here." He said, calmly, smiling at Miles.  
He slowly stepped towards Alex's bed, scared he'd lash out. Instead, Alex jumped up a little and wrapped his arms around Miles.  
"I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."  
"I thought you were still angry."  
Alex shook his head and held Miles tighter.  
"I can't stay mad at my Mi." He sobbed, feeling at home in his arms.  
"Oh Laa, I've been such a mess."  
"Please tell me you didn't drive here." Alex said, leaning back to look at Miles' face. "You stink of vodka."  
"Taxi."  
"Oh thank god." Alex sighed in relief. "So you're drinking now?"  
"After we fought I got the bus home and just sat and cried for about an hour, then pretty much went fuck it and went shopping."  
"What did you buy?"  
"2 bottles of vodka, 2 bottles of red wine, 2 bottles of white wine, a crate of becks, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of whiskey-"  
"Alkie." Alex laughed, pulling him onto the bed as they hugged.  
He shuffled them around so he could lie down into Miles' lap.  
"Carrying on, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of tequila, a bottle of triple sec-"  
"Are you wanting margaritas?" Alex smiled, stroking Miles' soft, baby hair-like stubble that was starting to grow on his chin.  
"Aye, now let me finish!" He chuckled, enjoying Alex's hand on his neck. "A bottle of triple sec, a bottle of Advocaat and 12 pre-mixed snowballs. And that's just the drinks."  
"Wow, trying to have a party?"  
"I say when we get home we spend a night getting pissed to kingdom come."  
"Amen to that babe, amen to that."

"Now, I've got a surprise for you. I know how much you love baccy, but I've got something extra special for you."  
"Huh?"  
"Well, I quit chemo, and a little birdie told me there's a herbal remedy that kills cancer cells."  
"No way did you fucking get weed."  
"100g of the stuff baby."  
"Jesus Christ we are going to have a party."  
"And of course I've got 4 pouches of amber leaf for making weed rollies and 4 packets of 20 Lambert an Butler."  
"I can't wait to get out of here now."  
"We're going to have a lot of fun."  
"Indeed babe."

Miles stayed with Alex for a little longer until Nic walked back in.  
"See ya later." Alex said, stroking Miles' neck one last time.  
"See ya." Miles replied, kissing Alex's lips passionately.

"You two seem to back together!" Nic said, taking a seat next to Alex.  
"Yeah."  
"So Alex, tell me more about how you feel."  
"I'm sorry, do I really have to do this?"  
"Why?"  
"I don't think I'm the therapy type."  
"Ah. Mind elswhere?"  
"Yeah."  
"How about I some and visit you another day, hmm?"  
"Sure."

Nic packed up. It would be easier to talk to him if his mind wasn't filled with Miles.  
"Why are you done so soon?" Miles asked, walking in.  
"All I could think of was you." Alex said, propping himself up in bed.  
"You're so kind Alex." Miles smiled, walking back over to Alex's side.  
"Well I couldn't help it." He said, as Miles leaned over for a kiss.  
Alex snaked his hand around Miles' back and pulled him onto the bed.  
"We're in a hospital Laa." Miles said, trying to push back.  
"Just kick off your shoes and lie here with me. Please." Alex begged, pulling Miles closer.  
"Why?" Miles asked as his shoes hit the floor.  
Alex wrapped the hospital blanket over him.  
"Because I really need a fucking long hug." He whispered, kissing Miles' cheek.  
They said nothing as Miles wrapped his arms around Alex, holding him close. Alex nuzzled his head into Miles' chest and let a few tears leak out of his eyes.  
"I really missed you. Really really missed you."  
Miles kissed the top of Alex's head and rubbed his back, comforting him.

"Alex we're ba- Miles?!"  
Miles stuck his hand in the air and waved it as he tucked his head on top of Alex's.  
"Well we just heard the doctors say they're going to do some more tests and see if they can discharge you."  
Alex looked up at Miles and grinned from ear to ear. A nurse came through followed by a doctor.  
"Ok, Mr Kane can you, umm, give Mr Kane some space please?" The nurse said, giggling a little.  
"We're going to do a quick blood test now, and if all goes well you'll be sleeping in your own bed tonight."  
Alex's heart raced. Finally he'd get his life back with Miles.

"Be right back babe, ok?" Miles said, sliding off the bed.  
"Don't be long." Alex smirked, kissing Miles' chin before he left.  
"Glad to see you're back together." Jamie said, smiling at Alex.  
"What?" Alex said, confused at Jamie's grin.  
"You're gonna bang tonight aren't you?" He sniggered.  
"No, actually, we have other plans."  
"Oh? Do tell!"  
"Beer, wine, spirits, fags and weed."  
"Fair enough."

Miles walked back in grinning as the doctor walked in behind him. He already knew the results.  
"You were a while!"  
"Got Matt to take me home for a bit." Miles said, standing next to his bed.  
"Good news Mr Kane. Your tests are all clear and you're set to go home!"  
Alex was overjoyed and launched himself towards Miles, almost toppling him over.  
"The nurses will be back soon to remove your cannulas and get you set for home, but as of right now, you're free." The doctor said, handing him some paperwork.

Once the nurses had sorted Alex out, him and Miles hitched a ride back with Jamie.  
"Cheers." Miles said as he hopped out.  
Miles and Alex walked hand in hand up the drive and back home. As soon as Miles swung the door open, there was a distinct rose scent.  
"If I know Miles Kane, you've gone all special."  
"Just you see."

He pulled Alex towards the kitchen, dimly lit by a blue light in the middle of the table. As he opened the door, Alex was shocked. Rose petals everywhere. Confetti. So much alcohol stacked on the counter. Packets of fags strewn around. A bag of weed just laying in plain sight. And one perfectly rolled blunt.  
"Tonight?"  
"Tonight."  
Miles pulled down glasses from the cupboard and waved his hand towards the glass bottles, gesturing Alex to choose.  
"Margaritas, always."  
Miles proceeded to make two perfect margaritas as Alex walked off to the living room for a second. Before Miles knew it, Dracula Teeth was being blasted out of the record player.  
"Really?" Miles laughed, pouring out the margaritas.  
"Oh yes." Alex hummed, wrapping his arms around Miles' waist and swaying to the music.   
They started singing along as if they were performing it live.  
"Cheers!" Miles said, holding his glass up.  
"Cheers!" Alex replied, clinking his glass.

Before they knew it, The Element Of Surprise started playing. Alex finished his margarita and put his hands on Miles' shoulders to dance. Miles responded by placing his on Alex's hips as they swayed and sung again as the alcohol buzzed in their heads. Just as the last chorus ended and, Alex pushed his face up against Miles', nose to nose, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Bad Habits started playing, triggering Miles off.  
  
"It's time baby." Miles said, putting his hand on the counter.  
"Time for what?" Alex smiled.  
Miles put the blunt between Alex's lips and lit it.  
"Let's get high."

_To be continued…_


	22. Bad Habits part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I've been busy with going back to school, but here's the chapter you've probably been waiting for. Also, it's my birthday (16, woot woot!) so here's this little gem as a special something for you ;)

_"It's time baby." Miles said, putting his hand on the counter._  
"Time for what?" Alex smiled.  
Miles put the blunt between Alex's lips and lit it.  
"Let's get high."

Alex took a deep inhale from the blunt, instantly hitting his lungs. He held it in for a few seconds before breathing it out through his nose.  
"Is it good baby?" Miles asked, taking the blunt out of Alex's lips and kissing him.  
Alex simply reached for it and took another hit on it.  
"What's it like?" Miles asked, too scared to take it just yet.  
"I feel…" Alex said, kissing Miles. "I feel so good and chill."  
He took another hit and put it in Miles' mouth.  
"Just breathe. It feels so good."  
And he was right. Miles took a hit. Then another. Then another. Then another.   
"This was the best idea." Alex said, taking another hit.

Soon, they smoked the entire blunt to the base and were sat on the kitchen floor.  
"Hey Laa." Miles said.  
"Mmm hmm?"  
Miles gazed into Alex's eyes for a few seconds before leaning in to kiss him.  
"How about we go to the living room, hmm? Take a bottle of wine?"  
"Sure." Alex sighed sexily, stroking the back of Miles' head.  
He grabbed a bottle of red wine off the counter and a couple of wine glasses. When he walked back through into the living room, Miles was busy trying to get AM to play on the stereo system. When Miles turned around, he had Alex's ring between his lips. He took it out and kissed Alex, sliding it on.  
"Got a cork screw in that turtleneck?"  
"No, but there's more surprises inside." Miles winked, dashing back to the kitchen for one.  
He came back, got the cork out and let Alex pour them a glass each.

"It's been a while since we did this, hasn't it?" Alex smiled, watching Miles light up the log burner.  
"Too long." Miles laughed, sliding next to Alex on the sofa.  
Alex wrapped his arm around Miles' shoulders, pulling him in. He swirled the glass of wine in his hands while drinking it slowly. Miles, on the other hand, was on his third glass.  
"Easy Mi, you'll forget what your surprise is." Alex joked, kissing Miles on the head.  
"We've got to finish the wine first."  
"What even is it?"  
Miles reached into the top of his turtleneck and pulled out a condom. As soon as he'd clicked onto what it was, Alex downed his glass and the rest of the wine.

"Wine's all gone." Alex said, tearing his top off his head.  
He pushed Miles back onto the sofa as he slid his hands up his top. Miles wrapped his hands around the back of Alex's head, playing with his hair. He tugged down, forcing their lips to collide. Soon, Alex was working Miles' turtleneck and top up and off his head, exposing both their chests. Their kisses started to become more desperate as each second passed.

"Alex," Miles breathed in between kisses. "Sing for me babe."  
He moved down to suck on Alex's neck as he unbuttoned his trousers.  
"Well you cured my January blues, Yeah you made it all alright." Alex sung in time, gasping for air every other word.  
Miles tugged his trousers down, followed by his boxers.  
" When the zeros line up on the 24 hourrr….fuuuuck" Alex trailed off, feeling Miles start to pump his dick with his fist clenched tight.  
He threw his head back, trembling under Miles' touch. It felt like he had been chaste for too long, and he was ready to cum in minutes.  
"Ohh fuck Mi, yes, keep going." He moaned, digging his fingers into the sofa cushions.  
"You're such a slut Al." Miles smirked sexily, starting to tug down his own trousers. "Say it babe, say you're a slut."  
"I'm a slut." Alex moaned as Miles stopped  rubbing Alex's dick to put the condom on his.  
"I can't hear you." Miles teased, swiping the coffee table free of everything on it.  
"I'm a slut." Alex said, jerking up to kiss Miles again.  
He grabbed hold of Alex and threw him on the coffee table.

"You wanna get fucked babe?" Miles said, spitting on his hand and rubbing it on his dick.  
"I want you to fuck me so hard I see more stars than there are in your eyes." Alex said as Miles sucked on his neck again.  
"Hold on tight." Miles laughed darkly, spreading Alex's legs.  
Without warning, he thrust straight in. Alex yelled out in pain as Miles tore into his ass.  
"Ohhh yeah Mi, fuck me right there!" Alex groaned, latching his arms around Miles' neck.  
He put his arms either side of Alex's head for stability as he started to speed up. Alex's moans grew louder and shorter with each second as the record scratched to a halt. Miles gently slowed down, trying to find Alex's sweet spot. Suddenly Alex wrapped his legs tight around Miles and pushed him back onto the sofa. He ground his hips on Miles, kissing his lips softly.

"You like it slower, don't you babe?" Alex whispered to Miles, kissing him again. "Why don't you sing for me?"  
Miles picked his brain for a song, but was lost in the growing pleasure at his groin. He opened his mouth and let the first song he thought of come out.  
"If you just get it together and read my mind, then sleeping will be easy." He sang gently, cradling Alex as he gently bounced on Miles' lap, kissing the side of his mouth as he sung.   
He knew the tune as soon as he'd sang the first word, and had to join in.  
"Most of the things that you say, I don't understand but I will sit and listen. I nod along attentively, but the truth is I can't concentrate."  
Alex snuggled into Miles' shoulder, licking it and sucking gently.  
"Wanna fuck me hard again?" Alex breathed, tilting his head up.

Miles pushed him back onto the coffee table and got back into position. Alex wrapped his arms around his neck as he started to pound back into him.  
"M…m…miii…" Alex moaned, tightening his grip.  
"Fuck Al, you're gonna make me cum!" Miles grunted, thrusting harder.  
After one particular thrust, Alex yelped out, digging his nails into Miles' skin.  
"Oh yeah baby! Keep hittin' me there!" Alex yelled as he curled his toes and clenched his teeth.  
Miles kissed Alex's lips with desperation, lusting for more. He tried to push his tongue in but was barred by Alex's teeth.  
"Mi you're gonna make me cum!" Alex moaned, flailing his legs and clawing Miles' back.  
He thrust once more before both of their orgasms exploded. Miles collapsed onto Alex, clenching his fists on the edge of the table. Alex, on the other hand, scraped his hands down Miles' back. A small pool formed on Alex's stomach as he gasped for breath, moaning each time. Miles grabbed a pair of underwear and mopped up most of the mess. He stood up and sat back on the sofa, pulling off the condom and tying it. He tossed it towards the door to take out later. Alex did the same thing as Miles, but pushed him to lie down as he laid on top. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and spread it over them.  
"You never cease to amaze me Mi." Alex said, still gasping for breath.  
Miles chuckled, stroking the back of Alex' head as he laid it on Miles' chest. He looked back up at Miles and tugged his chin down, wanting  a kiss.  
"That was the best sex I've ever had." Miles said, leaning back and closing his heavy lidded eyes.  
"You're telling me!" Alex said, doing the same. "God I love you so much."  
"I love you too."  
"Love you more."  
"Love you most."

The next morning, Jamie came in to check on them, just to make sure they hadn't gone too crazy.  
"Guuuuuuuuys!? How was your night!?" He asked, walking from room to room.  
Soon, he heard snoring coming from the living room. He opened the door to find them flat out on the sofa naked, with a blanket just and so still covering them.  
"Get in, Matt owes me £20 for this!"  
He took out his phone and took a picture of them to send to Matt. They'd had a bet that they would bang, but Matt disagreed.  
"Mmmmiles…" Alex mumbled in his sleep.  
Jamie was a little shocked, but shrugged it off. As long as he wasn't seen, he was fine.  
"Keep fucking me Miles…" He mumbled again.  
"Christ!" Jamie said, laughing at Alex.  
He wrote a note and left it on the kitchen counter for them to read later. But for now, they were happily asleep, arm in arm.  
"Mi, I love you so fucking much…" Alex said, still asleep.  
"I love you too babe." Miles replied, starting to wake up.  
He opened his eyes, took in what was going on, racked his brain for what happened the night before, remembered it, and grabbed Alex's chin, pulling him in for a kiss.  
"Alex!" Miles sung softly, wrapping his arms around him properly again.  
"Mmm?" he replied, opening his eyes slightly.  
"Remember what we did last night?"  
"What, like the sex?"  
"Yeah." Miles smiled.  
"What about it?"  
"Wanna do it again tonight?" He said passionately, winking at Alex before drawing him in for another kiss.  
"Did you have to ask? I'd chose you and the bed anytime over anything."


	23. No. 1 Party Anthem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "SURPRISE!" A chorus of people echoed.  
> The room was filled with friends, family and family of friends. Alex smiled and wiped his slobbery lips.   
> "Miles, was this you?"  
> "Well since it's both your birthday and our anniversary, some of it was them and some of it was me."  
> Alex went on to welcome and thank everyone as Jamie put the record on again. He'd brought a Bowie vinyl special for the occasion. The walls were plastered in photos people had of Alex or the two together. People had brought various bottles of alcohol, from spirits to wines to crates of lager. 
> 
> Alex's planned birthday party, conjoined with their anniversary party brings about an even better time in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been busy, that's why the chapter was delayed. Expect like 2 or 3 in the next few days! Also, shout out to the instagram fans who love this fic :) also shout out to everyone who leaves comments because i love reading them XD Anyway, GO ENJOY THIS FIC YOU CRAZY MASOCHISTS I LOVE YOU.

"Hey babe." Miles said, rolling over in bed.  
Alex turned his face towards Miles and kissed his lips softly. He smiled and kissed him again.  
"Happy anniversary!"  
"You too Mi." He said, wrapping his arms around him.  
"And, happy birthday baby. Come downstairs. I've got a surprise for you."  
Miles pulled Alex out of bed as they waddled downstairs.  
When Alex saw, he gasped in delight.  
"Miles? For me?!"  
On the table was a small, red velvet box. He ran over and opened it, revealing a ring. It had both aquamarine and garnet gemstones embellished into it. He spun around to find miles wearing the exact same ring.  
"This is perfect!" Alex smiled, turning around to kiss Miles.  
"Knew you'd love it. Now I have a follow up scan at 4 today so you're staying sober for a few hours, then we can open up a bottle of champagne and have some fun."

Miles wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast as Alex came up behind him, swaying Miles while humming Colour of The Trap. He spun him around and stroked the stubble growing on his chin and the splattering of hairs that were growing fast.  
"Someone needs a shave!" Alex giggled, kissing Miles and letting his stubble scratch his face, pleasing him.  
"Says you!"  
"It's my birthday, I can do what I want."  
"Does that mean you want a little treat tonight?"  
"Mmm hmm." Alex hummed, tucking his head into Miles' neck.  
"Why don’t you pour us a nice, hot steaming cup of coffee?" Miles said seductively.  
Alex skipped over and poured out the coffee for Miles and himself.

After they ate, Miles put the fire on and sat on the sofa, cuddling up with Alex. He wrapped his arms around his chest going under his arms. He teased Alex by sliding a sly hand into the top of his dressing gown. In protest, Alex ground his ass into Miles' groin, making Miles want more. He soon wrestled his way on top of Miles and started kissing him. At first it was little cheeky pecks, then they became more and more elongated, until the kisses blurred and merged into snogs and slurps.  
"It's almost 3, we ought to be getting ready." Miles said, trying to push Alex off.  
"Shh," Alex sighed, rolling over and forcing Miles down. "Just a little longer."

They soon got changed and drove to the hospital ready for the scan.  
"What are we doing tonight?" Alex said, as Miles was getting prepared for his scan.  
"Just going home and grabbing a few drinks I think."  
"Oh." Alex sighed.  
"Why? You ok Al?"  
"I just thought we'd do more."  
"I'm sorry. There's some rollies in the kitchen mind. Got some for you." Miles winked.  
They carted Miles into the scan room and left Alex outside waiting.

"When will we get the results back?" Miles said, pulling his shirt back on.  
"Sometime within the next few days. You do understand, Mr Kane, that we can no longer provide treatment, should you require it?"  
"Yeah, I know."  
"Just checking."  
"Come on Al, let's go home."

As they pulled up by the house, Alex unbuckled himself and threw himself onto Miles. As Miles turned off the ignition the car fell silent, being broken only by their heavy breathing, and a few moans escaping from their mouths. They kissed until their lips felt swollen.  
"What's gonna happen tonight then?" Alex begged, tugging at Miles' shirt.  
"I was thinking a nice hot bath for us both, then some time alone in bed with a bottle of Crystal." Miles murmured, unbuckling himself and opening the door, leaving Alex hanging.  
Alex climbed out of his side and joined Miles at the door. He wrapped his hand around Miles' neck and sucked on his lips as Miles twisted the key in the lock.  
"Later." Miles moaned, pulling away.

"SURPRISE!" A chorus of people echoed.  
The room was filled with friends, family and family of friends. Alex smiled and wiped his slobbery lips.   
"Miles, was this you?"  
"Well since it's both your birthday and our anniversary, some of it was them and some of it was me."  
Alex went on to welcome and thank everyone as Jamie put the record on again. He'd brought a Bowie vinyl special for the occasion. The walls were plastered in photos people had of Alex or the two together. People had brought various bottles of alcohol, from spirits to wines to crates of lager. Jamie had arrived not long after they had left to hide their own alcohol, as agreed with Miles. He did, however, allow people to start using up their weed. He'd rolled a couple of blunts prior, and someone had bought a bong, but that was for the party once the family had left.

"Jamie," Miles said, having chased him into a corner. "When are they gonna leave?"  
"We're gonna 'end' the party at 9. The hardcore stuff starts after the last one leaves, no later than 9:30."  
"It had better not be too late. Don’t want my Al to be tired for some birthday bashing."  
"It's gonna be fine, really."  
Miles walked back to the kitchen through a sea of people to find Alex making margaritas for at least 20 people.  
"Are you going to open a bar or something Laa?" Miles joked, kissing him on the cheek.  
"I'm making one for you too!" Alex smiled, pouring out several glasses.  
The smell of alcohol ran off his breath like a cool summer breeze.

They danced, drank and dined like the good old days. Not a single care in the world. Before they knew it, Jamie was making a B line for them on the sofa.  
"They’re all gone."  
"Jesus, when was it 9!" Miles said.  
"People have just been leaving for about an hour. Shall we?"  
Jamie corralled the people who were left into the living room. Miles looked around. Just the band and a handful of mates. They were all sat drinking and laughing when Jamie brought the bong into the room. Miles was the first to light it and take a hit, followed by Alex. They each blew smoke into each other's faces.  
"Who's next?" Alex asked, holding the bong out.  
Matt held his hand out and tried it, and quickly passed it around. But soon enough, everyone had tried it, and hot boxed the living room. Miles and Alex became so involved in smoking off the bong, they didn't realised people had started to get up and leave. Jamie snapped them out of their reverie.  
"Hey!" He yelled, shaking Miles. "Everyone's gone, and I'm the last. Have a great night. Happy birthday Al, and happy anniversary."

As soon as Miles heard the door shut and lock, he placed the bong on the table and turned to Alex. A sharp tug on his collar helped them make eye contact.  
"We're home alone now baby." Miles said while breathing out smoke.  
Alex wrapped his arms around Miles. Both of them could feel the alcohol and cannabis surge inside of them.  
"You. Me. Bed. Now." Alex grunted, smiling and grabbing Miles' collar.

They ran upstairs like two bullets, almost falling over a few times. They sprinted into the bedroom, slamming the door wide open and collapsing on the bed. They kissed desperately, as if their lives depended on it. Alex wasted no time in tearing his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere. Miles did the same, feeling a rush go through him as their bare chests collided. His groin felt as if it was on fire, lusting for Alex's ass. Their hands raced over each other's bodies, tugging their shirts off and starting to unbutton their trousers. Alex was the first to kick his down to his ankles, followed by Miles. It was mere seconds as they threw their boxers down. They both kicked the last of their clothes onto the floor as they laid on the bed making out. Small beads of precome were oozing out of both of their dicks as Miles searched furiously for the lube. Eventually he found it, and squirted far too much onto his hand as he raced to fuck Alex, who was already fingering himself. Miles rubbed his length with the lube and massaged Alex's anus with what was left.  
"Ready babe?" Miles breathed in between their kisses.  
"Fuckin' fuck me baby." Alex moaned, breathing heavy.  
Miles thrust in hard and fast, keeping the same pace for a while. Alex moaned and whined out, calling Miles' name. He wrapped his legs around Miles and kept their lips firmly together. He dug his nails into Miles' back, as he was fucked harder and harder. Miles tried to make their lips stay together, but was running out of breath. He kept his arms either side of Alex's head and thrust and ground deep into him.

"MILES!" Alex screamed as he hit is g spot.  
Miles kept thrusting at just the right angle, watching Alex twitch and moan. He himself could feel his orgasm building up as his thighs burned. He soon collapsed into Alex, who was still moaning out, as he came.

It took them a few minutes to catch their breath and regain a little strength.  
"Happy birthday Al." Miles whispered, rolling over and pulling Alex on top of him.  
Alex grunted and snuggled into Miles, leaning his head on his chest and pulling the duvet over him.  
"Too tired baby?" Miles chuckled, getting comfortable while supporting Alex.  
Alex nodded, wrapping his arms around Miles' neck. Miles echoed, wrapping his around Alex's torso.  
"Sleep well baby." Miles smiled, kissing Alex's head and closing his eyes.


	24. You're So Dark part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miles sat up and walked over to the wardrobe. Alex followed behind, clinging onto Miles.  
> "Get ready now!" Miles said, pushing him back off.  
> "Or else?"  
> "Or else I'll take you back to the warehouse by the meeting place."  
> Alex processed what Miles said, recalling the first time they went.  
> "You know, that doesn't sound like too bad of a punishment."  
> Miles froze for a second. Did Alex just admit he wanted to do it again?  
> "Imagine," Alex started, turning Miles around. "You got some rope and tied my hands above my head to the bed frame," He continued, demonstrating for a scheming Miles. "And blindfolded me and gagged me, leaving me helpless to anything you want."  
> Miles pounced on top of him.  
> "Completely helpless?" He asked, taking a belt and wrapping it around his hands.
> 
> Alex tries to coax the dark side of Miles out of his hiding place, tempting him with promises of fun after an interview...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh heh, thought I'd tease you with something extra >:)

"Shit Al, we're gonna be late to this interview." Miles sighed, checking the clock.  
"Just one more minute!" Alex whined, pulling Miles in and kissing him again.  
"Come on, we have to get ready before they realise we're slacking."  
"It's not a live interview, we can make them wait."

Miles sat up and walked over to the wardrobe. Alex followed behind, clinging onto Miles.  
"Get ready now!" Miles said, pushing him back off.  
"Or else?"  
"Or else I'll take you back to the warehouse by the meeting place."  
Alex processed what Miles said, recalling the first time they went.  
"You know, that doesn't sound like too bad of a punishment."  
Miles froze for a second. Did Alex just admit he wanted to do it again?  
"Imagine," Alex started, turning Miles around. "You got some rope and tied my hands above my head to the bed frame,"  He continued, demonstrating for a scheming Miles. "And blindfolded me and gagged me, leaving me helpless to anything you want."  
Miles pounced on top of him.  
"Completely helpless?" He asked, taking a belt and wrapping it around his hands.  
Alex gulped and licked his lip, staring straight into Miles' eyes. A rush of adrenaline ran through his veins as he became excited as to what Miles' intentions would be. He nodded and wrapped his legs around Miles' waist. Miles snaked a hand around Alex's neck, constricting his breathing.  
"Are you sure?" Miles whispered into Alex's ear, feeling a surge of power inside.  
"Sure." Alex said, nodding in reply.

Miles kissed him for a few moments, then let him go, untying the belt holding him in place. As they got dressed, Miles had an idea.  
"So, you're down with what exactly?"  
"Tying me up, fucking me hard, biting, gagging, blindfolding-"  
" _Whipping?_ " Miles smirked, reaching his arms around Alex's hips to unbuckle his belt. " _Strangling?_ "  
"Sure." Alex smiled, his cheeks flushing pink.  
"How about-"  
"That'll do for now Mi," Alex interrupted. "I just fancied a little experi-"  
In a flash, Miles yanked the belt from Alex's waist and wrapped it over his hands, then pulling the now shorter and tighter belt around Alex's neck.  
" _How about spontaneity?"_ Miles murmured. "Look at you. So helpless."  
Alex rolled his eyes back into his head. Never before did it seriously cross his mind how fun this could be. In a split second, Miles dropped the belt back on the floor and kissed Alex's neck.  
"We're gonna have a great time later, Laa." Miles smirked, spanking Alex's ass.

Their taxi waited outside for a while before they were ready, dressed in matching suits. Every time Miles and Alex made eye contact, Alex couldn't control himself. His mind drifted to the events that would surely happen that night, and as he tried to calm himself, he thought even more about Miles.  
"Ants in yer pans mate?" The taxi driver laughed, watching Alex jig around in the cab.  
Miles laughed along, knowing damn well what was going through Alex's mind.  
"Excited for the interview." Alex lied, smiling at Miles.

Once they arrived, they made their way to the room that was holding the interview. The directors were cross at how late they were, but they all soon settled down into the zone.

"So Miles, tell us, how you've been finding life after the EYCTE tour?"  
"There's been a lot on our plate actually, so we've been keeping ourselves busy."  
"And Alex?"  
"Had a few good nights out, day trips to places, but we've mainly just been staying at home."  
"Sorry, you keep saying 'our', what do you mean? Are you both seeing people?"  
Both men froze. They'd forgotten they hadn't told the fan base publically or mentioned the wedding at all.  
"You could say we're seeing people, yeah." Alex blurted out, trying to roll the topic away.  
"Who? Our followers would love to know."  
Miles looked at Alex for permission, who nodded back in reply.  
"We're married to each other."  
There was a short pause in the room before the interviewer spoke.  
"Congrats! Why have you not told your fans though? Surely they'd love to know."  
"We've had more important things to deal with." Miles said, sliding his hand over to Alex's.

Finally they could hold hands in their interviews and no one would care.

"Right, according to our viewers, you've been seen going in and out of hospital for the past few years, and we all want to know what's going on!"  
"It's a long story." Miles sighed.  
"We have a lot of time."  
"Wait," Someone said from behind the scenes. "I've seen you around. Completely bald for months, in and out of hospital, drips, operations, you haven't had cancer have you?"  
"That's not true, strictly speaking. It's not past tense, its present and future too."  
The interviewer sat and stared at Miles.  
"Terminal?" She mouthed, feeling the colour drain from her face.  
Miles nodded back slowly.  
"Screw the cameras Thomas. Phone up all the tabloids. We've got a story." The interviewer said, walking away.  
"Shit!" Miles grunted, kicking a lamp over.  
"What?"  
"Everyone's gonna know everything now. The wedding, the cancer, it's going to battered in lies and fried in hyperbole."  
"Come with me." Alex said, grabbing Miles by the wrist and dragging him off.

"S'cuse me, can we be alone for a mo?" Alex asked, looking around the room.  
"Third door on the left is the private room. It locks." The interviewer said, breaking off from the phone for a moment.  
"What is it Laa?"  
"You'll see."

Alex burst through the door and slammed it shut behind him. He locked it and turned to Miles.  
"Mi, it's gonna be ok."  
"Why would it not be ok?"  
"I know you too well, and you're about to lose your shit."  
"No I'm not." He lied, turning back to face the wall.  
"Yes you are. You don’t have to hide Mi. It's ok."  
Suddenly, Miles spun around and grappled onto Alex.  
"They’re gonna know everything! _Everything_!"  
"Shh Mi, it’s gonna be ok."  
"We're fucked."  
"We've been fucked from the beginning. We're always fucked. It's gonna be ok. Just focus on tonight babe, ok? Can you do that?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Think about what you're gonna do." Alex smiled, kneeling in front of Miles. "Rope? Tape? Belts? Leather? Maybe we should go shopping. We need to get more lube in anyway."  
"Ok." Miles replied, wiping his face. "Can we get watermelon flavour though?"  
"Of course we can! Look, everything's going to be fine. It'll blow over soon. Ready?"  
"Ready."

As they came out, everyone stared at them.  
"What?" Alex said.  
"You went in the wrong room." The interviewer said. "Aaaaand we're making a story on your BDSM fantasies you sick bastards."  
They stood frozen to the spot for a minute, feeling as if the world was ending. They felt sick and uneasy, and they wished a hole would open and swallow them both. A camera man took a photo of them stood there, blinding them with the flash.  
"And there's your photo."

They rushed straight out of the building and onto the grass outside. The taxi wasn’t due for another hour, so they sat and waited by a bush, taking refuge from the blazing sun.  
"What do we do now?" Miles cried, hiding his head in his hands.  
"We ignore them." Alex replied, phoning the taxi.  
"We what?"  
"We ignore them."  
"My dad's gonna fucking disown me!"  
"Ignore him too then."  
Alex got through and explained the situation.  
"10 mins."  
"Can we just leave this place?"  
"It's gonna be ok. Look, we're gonna get what we need for tonight and forget about this, ok?"  
"Promise?"  
Alex didn't reply. He stood up as he clocked the taxi, and dragged Miles along.  
"Take us to Tesco and B&Q."  
"Odd mix, but ok."

They stopped off and bought duct tape, nylon rope and 4 bottles of lube.  
"What's yer shopping trip been for?"  
"Bits and bobs."  
"You were getting some funny looks in Tesco!?"  
"He bought lube." Miles smirked, pointing at Alex.  
"He wanted the watermelon one!" Alex smirked, pointing back at Miles.  
"And he wants his money!" The taxi driver said, pointing at himself.  
"Sorry. Here you go." Alex said, handing over a fistful of cash.

"Fancy a gin and tonic?" Alex said, walking into the kitchen.  
"Is that your phone buzzing?"  
"Yours must be too!" Alex sighed, checking the screen.  
Links upon links upon links to articles of varying titles: 'The Last Shadow Puppets Exposed!', 'Miles Kane DYING of Cancer!', 'Monkey Business!', 'TLSP? More like BDSM!', and the list went on and on and on.  
Alex embraced Miles, comforting him.  
"It's over!"  
"No it's not."  
"It is!"  
"Have a fucking blunt Mi." Alex said, searching for their stash.  
He quickly got to rolling a blunt and handed it to Miles.

"Better?"  
"Yeah."  
"Let's go upstairs."

They bounded up the stairs, excited and anxious for what was next.  
"Well what now?" Miles said, throwing the bag of goodies on the bed.  
"Well I'm the sub; I obey every command you have." Alex mumbled, stroking Miles' cheek with the back of his hand.  
"I guessed that much." Miles smiled, pulling Alex in closer.  
"And you're the dom; you get to do anything you want with me - until it's too much."  
"Safe word?"  
"What's with the velvet?" Alex said, rummaging through the bag.  
"It's a blindfold. It also makes a good safe word." Miles said, slowly unbuttoning Alex's shirt.  
He started unbuttoning his own, gazing into Alex's eyes for the duration of the task. They both tore their shirts off and threw them aside, shortly followed by their trousers. Miles wrapped his arms around Alex, and pushed him onto the bed. Miles grabbed the rope from the bag and began to unwrap it. Alex instantly threw his arms up into the bars of the bed frame, ready for Miles to tie them there. He then lifted his head up so Miles could tie the blindfold around his eyes.

"You look so perfect lying here Al."  
"Cheers Mi." Alex chuckled, getting lost within his own mind.  
Out of nowhere, Miles slapped Alex across the cheek. Alex recoiled, yelping out in pain. Miles grabbed Alex by the chin and brought his face back up.  
"That's Mr. Kane to you." He whispered into Alex's ear.

Miles traced his way down Alex's body with his index finger, starting from his cheek, then trailing down his throat and dwelling on his collar bones before he drew a line straight down the middle of his chest. His finger dipped in as he went in his navel, and followed the dark threads of hair down to his crotch. He coaxed Alex's boxers off and tossed them aside, carrying on with the line he was drawing. He carefully traced a line down to the tip of Alex's dick, before sliding back down the other side, over his balls and towards his ass. He paused for a second to drip some lube onto his hand and rubbed it around Alex's entrance.  
"Mmmmm….Mr. K-kane?" Alex moaned, writhing under the rope.  
"Yes Laa?" Miles replied, gently pushing the tip of his finger inside Alex.  
"What are you gonna do?"  
"Shhh, wait and see Laa, wait and see." He hummed, a crooked smile dancing across his face.


	25. You're So Dark part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What is it Mi?"  
> Miles pulled the curtains closed as fast as he could, swearing under his breath.  
> "The paparazzi."  
> Miles walked back over to Alex and pulled off the blindfold.
> 
> Now the cat was out the bag, the paparazzi were on their back faster than you could say 'Suck It And See'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas. I've been really busy with literally everything in life. I also put off writing this because it just didn't flow right. I'd rather make sure its 100% first. So here you go. A quick update. I should have the next one up before 2017. Keep pestering me if I don't. ANYWAY, ENJOY.

_"Mmmmm….Mr. K-Kane?" Alex moaned, writhing under the rope._  
"Yes Laa?" Miles replied, gently pushing the tip of his finger inside Alex.  
"What are you gonna do?"  
"Shh, wait and see Laa, wait and see." He hummed, a crooked smile dancing across his face.

Miles pushed one finger inside quickly, and pulled it out. He repeated it over and over, curling his finger inside Alex. Soon he forced a second finger, then a third.  
"You want it baby?" Miles said, his voice as smooth as silk.  
"Yes." Alex begged.  
Miles pulled his fingers out and moved closer to Alex.  
"Wait!" Alex said, trying to grab Miles' attention.  
"Hmm?"  
"Come close," Alex murmured. "Real close."  
Miles leaned in and pecked Alex on the cheek. He stroked the side of his hair down and waited for Alex to speak.   
"Choke me baby." Alex whispered, biting his lip.  
Miles slapped Alex across the face again.  
"Please? Mr Kane?!"  
"Better" Miles snarled, smirking.  
He jumped back off the bed and looked around for something to wrap around Alex's neck. He snapped his fingers as he got a great idea. His belt.

Miles pounced on his trousers and ripped the belt from the loops. Alex smiled as he waited for Miles to come back. He felt a surge of electricity go through him as he heard the jingle of the belt buckle getting closer to him. Miles slowly passed it under Alex's neck, and threaded the end back through the buckle, pulling it tight. The end of the buckle nipped Alex's neck slightly, making Alex cry out in pain. No sound came out of his mouth, however, as Miles wrapped the belt around his hand and pulled it tighter.  
"Tight enough baby?"  
Alex nodded in response, stripped completely of his freedom to see, move and breathe.  
"Sure you're ready?"  
Alex nodded again.  
"Brace yourself." Miles whispered, forcing his dick straight in.  
Alex opened his mouth to breathe but couldn’t get any air in or out. He tried so hard to force any air he could down to his lungs but to no avail. He writhed under Miles, his natural instinct to fight for air taking over. Miles started to thrust at quite a quick pace, getting gradually deeper with every thrust.  
"You like this laa?" Miles said, breathing heavy as he thrusted into Alex.  
Alex nodded, his face getting redder as he struggled for breath.

Suddenly, a flash of white filled the room. Miles halted within seconds and looked around for the source. He let go of the belt around Alex's neck and stood up. Another flash filled the room, and Miles saw it come from the window.  
"What is it Mi?"  
Miles pulled the curtains closed as fast as he could, swearing under his breath.  
"The paparazzi."  
Miles walked back over to Alex and pulled off the blindfold.  
"Now what?!"  
He untied Alex's hands, freeing him completely.  
"Lock everything. Shut all the curtains. Get the lads." Alex said, jumping up and getting changed.

Miles systematically went through the whole house and locked everything, drawing the curtains to every room.  
"Jamie said he's on his way with some celebrity guard people. They also said we should sue the interviewing company." Alex sighed, putting his phone down on the table.  
"Well what the fuck do we do now?" Miles said, sitting down. "They’ll be following our every move. We won't be able to go anywhere for weeks."  
Alex stood up and walked to the kitchen.  
"This." He said, putting a bottle of absinthe on the table as he reached for the stack of pills in the cupboard. "And this."  
"NO! You're not putting me through that again!" Miles yelled.  
"Not me, _us_."  
Miles looked at Alex in shock.  
"Face it, we're neck deep in shit."  
Just then, there was a knock on the door.  
"It's Jamie!" He called out. "Let me in!"  
Miles dashed through to the door and unlocked it, let him in and slammed it shut while the flashes and clicks of cameras surrounded him.

"Well?" Jamie said, walking through to the kitchen with Miles.  
When he saw the absinthe on the table, his heart sank in his chest.  
"Please tell me you're not gonna-"  
"It’s an option." Alex sighed, taking a cigarette and lighting it.  
"Ok what the fuck is going on at this point? Facebook and twitter are bursting at the seams with pictures and headlines and interviews and it's all a mess. There's so much going on in the fanbase it's mental. Your manager tried to tell you the website got hacked. Photos of you two are everywhere. He's suing the company behind the interview. But people are asking for thousands and thousands of pounds for your photos. AM fans and TLSP fans alike are in shock and their torn. What   the fuck     is going on?!" Jamie said, taking out his phone to show them.  
"We told too much in an interview, went to a room that had mics in it that were on and just got photographed having sex."  
"Well shit." Jamie said, sitting down. "And that all happened in one day?"  
"Yep." Miles sighed.  
As they sat in silence, there was another knock on the door.  
"MILES PETER KANE ANSWER THIS BLOODY DOOR NOW!"  
"Shit, that'll be my dad!" Miles said, bolting up. "Both of you, hide!"

Miles ran to the door and let his dad in.  
"Care to explain?" His dad said, bursting through the door and making his way to the kitchen.  
_'Shit, not the kitchen!'_ he thought, dashing ahead.  
"Miles will you fucking explain what's with all the pictures and tabloid headlines about you and the devil you married!? And what the fuck are you planning?!" He yelled, pointing to the table. "You had better not be planning on killing yourself!  
"No, just left them out accidently. I was putting them away."

"Did you really let Miles tie you to the bed?" Jamie whispered, crouching in the cupboard under the stairs next to Alex.  
"Yep." He breathed. "Yes I did."

"Where the bloody hell is he then?"  
"He's popped out with Jamie to get some food."  
"I swear to God if I see him again I will beat the shit out of him. You should have never married him! Get divorced!"  
"No! I love him and he loves me and he cares for me-"  
"More like puts you in shit like this!"

"Wait Al, are you crying?"  
"N-yeah. Miles' dad has a way of doing it." Alex sighed.  
"Was the absinthe and pills your idea?" Jamie whispered, placing a hand on Alex's back.  
"Yeah. There's not really a way out now."

"You're a bloody disgrace you are Miles! Of all the people in the world, out of everything, you chose _him_."  
"Because I love him!"  
"Do it. Fucking kill yourself. You're better off dead than with him. Especially now! I don't want to hear from you again, unless you're divorced or he's dead."  
Miles' dad walked back out the house, slamming the door hard. Miles scurried behind, locking it. Alex ran out of the cupboard and flung his arms open, embracing Miles.

Miles pushed through to the kitchen and opened the absinthe.  
"NO!" Alex yelled, yanking the bottle from his hands.   
Jamie watched at the door as Alex wrapped an arm around Miles while tugging the absinthe from the other. He slammed the bottle down on the table, a little getting flung out the top, and wrestled Miles away.  
"You can't fucking kill yourself now!"  
Jamie jumped in to intervene, pulling Miles backwards and out of the kitchen. They landed with a thud on the floor, with Jamie on the bottom, Alex in the middle and Miles on top. Alex latched his arms around Miles and refused to let him go.  
"You can’t fucking do it yet Miles, you can't! Mi, we can ride it out. I promise."  
"Everything's going wrong!" Miles cried as Alex sat up and cradled him.  
"Shh, it'll be ok."  
"Promise?"  
"Swear down."


	26. The Dream Synopsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jesus Al, I didn't know you could see into the future." Miles chuckled, swirling whiskey in a glass.  
> "Hm?" Alex hummed, confused.  
> "The Dream Synopsis. We're kissing, it's a secret, we're sneaking beyond the kitchen, we're in trouble, the manager found us, I've been carrying pint glasses back and forth, you never carry them."  
> "Ohh, funny that." Alex laughed.
> 
> Now on the 3rd week of being confined to their house, Miles and Alex decide to have some more fun to pass the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter is huge. Is it sad? A little. Is it adorable? Yes. Is it smutty? 110%. Enjoy some good ol' Milex smut amigos. You've earned it.

_"_ _Well we were kissing_ __  
It was secret  
We'd had to sneak beyond the kitchen  
Both well aware that there'd be trouble  
If the manager should find us  
You'd got a leaning tower of pint pots in your hand  
You can carry much more than I can"

"Jesus Al, I didn't know you could see into the future." Miles chuckled, swirling whiskey in a glass.  
"Hm?" Alex hummed, confused.  
"The Dream Synopsis. We're kissing, it's a secret, we're sneaking beyond the kitchen, we're in trouble, the manager found us, I've been carrying pint glasses back and forth, you never carry them."  
"Ohh, funny that." Alex laughed.  
They'd become recluses inside of their home for 3 and a half weeks now. There was bodyguards on hand to take care of any paparazzi, as well as regular check-ups from the other members of their band. Alex guffawed, breaking the silence.  
"The rest of the lyrics Mi. Like, we're in a building, and we noticed we're surrounded by an ocean of paparazzi."  
Both erupted into laughter. This was the funniest thing to happen to them after the hideous cat was let out of the bag. Alex put his glass down on the coffee table and leaned down into Miles' lap.

"You've got the sparkle back in your eyes. I was scared it was gone forever." Alex spoke softly, running his hands through Miles' thickening hair, now starting to look like it used to a few years ago.  
"Well when did it go?"  
"Before you told me you were gonna die. I noticed something wasn't right."  
"Makes sense."  
"And now your hair's all thick again, and long, and silky soft."  
"More like a greasy flop that needs a wash! I'm scared to go in that bathroom after I saw that go-pro filming me."  
"We've got a kitchen sink."  
"Alright smart ass."  
"Mmm." Alex moaned. "I love the way you say ass."  
"You love the way I say ass?" Miles smirked, emphasising every sound.  
"Almost as much as I love the sound of my name being yelled at the top of your lungs."  
"When have I ever done that?"  
Alex sat up and pulled Miles down, and rolled on top of him.  
"When you wanted me to fuck you," Alex said, starting to kiss Miles. "So I did," He paused to kiss Miles again. "I splayed you out on the bed," Alex began to grind on Miles, feeling both his and Miles' erections growing. "And fucked you until you saw stars."  
Miles moaned,  wrapping his hands around his back.

"Off." Miles said, pulling away for a second.  
Alex started to get up.  
"No. Your shirt. Get it off. Now."  
Alex smiled, nearly ripping his shirt off. He quickly pulled Miles' off too, shortly followed by both of their trousers. Now nothing but their boxers were separating them.  
"You on the bottom Laa."  
Alex quickly complied, taking a comfortable position on the sofa. He tugged his boxers off as Miles discarded his and got a shock when Miles spat on his hand and started fingering himself.  
"I'm gonna ride you like a fucking cowboy Laa." Miles snarled, climbing over Alex.  
Alex sat up to kiss Miles before his firm hands pushed him back down.  
"Now you get to see my pretty ass bounce for you."

Miles kneeled up, breathing deep as he took Alex's length in. He moaned a little as he knelt down, trying to take all of Alex in.  
"Pretty boy, fuck, you're so hot on my dick." Alex moaned as Miles slowly reached the very base.  
Miles slowly started to bounce, moving up and down ever so slightly.  The sensation kept Alex's eyes riveted to Miles' body. Miles slowly took his hands off Alex's chest and started rubbing them over his own body. He played with his nipples before nearly toppling over. He caught himself on Alex's chest.  
"Hang on." Alex said, reaching a hand down.  
He picked up a shirt off the floor and gave it to Miles.  
"Here's your lasso, Mi."  
Miles held it in his hands as he tried to steady himself back on Alex. He felt so full and tight, and Alex could tell.

Taking a deep breath, he sat up and bounced again, waving the shirt in the air like a rope. He kept focused on Alex, taking in his chest. Miles took the shirt in both his hands and lassoed it around Alex's neck, pulling himself towards him. He teased Alex first, biting his lip and hearing him moan gently as Miles bounced, gradually getting higher. He finally gave in and let Alex kiss him, his lips violently begging for more of Miles.   
"I can feel every inch of your cock baby." Miles groaned, pushing his tongue into Alex's mouth.  
Alex let out a loud, long moan, vibrating both of their bodies. Miles sat back up and kept bouncing, moaning every time. He pushed a finger into Alex's mouth, letting him suck it as he let his arms flop over the back of the sofa, enjoying the sight in front of him. He wrapped the other hand around his own dick and started getting himself off. Alex soon started thrusting gently into Miles, making him moan even more.  
"Oh yeah Alex, fuck yeah, right there!" Miles gasped as Alex hit that spot inside him.  
Alex grunted as he thrust harder into Miles, watching his face change.  
"Cum for me baby." Alex moaned, noticing Miles was close to cumming. "Cum in my mouth!"  
"Ohh Alex! Ohh yeah! Fuck me!" Miles moaned, tipping his head back and breathing heavy through his mouth.

Alex came in Miles first, and kept his mouth open as he slid forwards, resting his dick on Alex's lower lip. In a matter of second he came in his mouth, white cum oozing out from his ass and his dick.  
"You're such a good cowboy." Alex moaned, pushing Miles down so they could kiss.   
When their lips met, it was like magic. The passion between them was electric.

"Oh baby, you always know how to fuck me good." Miles moaned, cuddling into Alex.  
"You were the one doing the riding Mi." Alex hummed, pulling Miles up. "Let's go get a wash in the kitchen sink."  
"Shut up you." Miles sniggered.  
They walked naked to the kitchen and swung the door open to see Matt, Jamie and Nick all sat having beers. Alex immediately slammed the door shut again and walked back.  
"Sorry Al, didn't want to disturb you." Matt shouted through the door. "Sounded like fun though."  
_'Fun?'_ Alex thought to himself, blushing bright red.  
"Why didn't you phone before?" Miles yelled, standing behind Alex as if they could see through the door.  
"We did, you didn't answer, then we got worried." Matt shouted back.  
"Fuck this, I'm using the bathroom."  
"But it's bugged up!"   
"Don't act so paranoid. If it was we'd know by now."  
Alex walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on.  
"Go get our dressing gowns Mi."  
Miles went off and returned.

"Coming in?" Alex said, popping his head out from the shower door.  
Miles hopped in and shared the cramped space with Alex.  
"We ought to get a bigger shower. It's too cramped in here for 2."  
"Noted." Alex said, picking up the shower gel.  
"So what will you sing today? I love hearing you sing in the shower."  
"Well I was thinking the Dream Synopsis. It's stuck in my head now."  
"Fire away." Miles said, taking the sponge and scrubbing Alex's legs.  
"Well we were kissing, it was secret, we'd had to sneak beyond the kitchen. Both well aware that there'd be trouble if the manager should find us. You'd got a leaning tower of pint pots in your hand. You can carry much more than I can"  
As Alex sang, Miles held his hands on hips to sway him slightly to the beat. He gently hummed the instrument parts for him, accompanying his angelic voice. Miles however refused to let him finish. He wrapped his hands around the back of Alex's neck, pulling their soapy bodies together. The water bounced off their bodies as they kissed like rain in a romantic film.  
"I could listen to your dreams all day Laa. All day every day. Even when I die I want you to come to my grave and tell me your dreams."  
"I won't have to. I'll come straight up to see you, and I'll tell you every dream I'll have. I'll tell you everything Mi." He said, his voice soft as silk.  
Alex gently caressed Miles' side, bringing him in for more kisses. Soon Miles had him pressed against the cold wall, making him shudder, desperately begging for more. Their lips felt swollen and hot as the steam continued to rise.  
"This can be our forever Laa." Miles said, continuing to kiss Alex.  
"We'll always have forever." Alex replied, pulling Miles' leg up onto his hip.  
"Wanna do it again?" Miles smiled, stroking Alex's chest.  
"I want you to fuck me Mi. Fuck me like you do."  
Miles unhitched his leg and pushed Alex into the corner, the cold tiles shocking him again. He pulled one of Alex's legs over his shoulder, stretching him out.  
"Fuck me Mi." Alex moaned, tipping his head back against the tiles. "Like I've been a bad boy."

Miles kissed Alex, gently pushing a finger in his ass.  
"My turn." He whispered, barely audible over the running water.  
Alex's heart fluttered in his chest. He felt so dirty getting fucked while they had guests over, and loved the exhilaration. His mind drifted to dirtier thoughts before he was snapped back by Miles inserting a second finger.  
"Hurry up and fuck me Mi, I'm begging you."  
"What do you want baby?"  
"I want your cock buried deep in me Mi, I want you so hard."  
Miles pushed a third finger in.  
"I want you to fuck me so hard I can't sit down."  
He started curling his fingers searching for Alex's spot. Alex's leaning leg turned to jelly when Miles scraped his fingertips on it. He leaned his head off the tiles and kissed Miles with hot, slobbery lips.  
"Fuck me hard Mi. Fuck me like a bad boy. _Fuck me Daddy_."  
At first, Alex couldn't believe what he just said. He was scared Miles would reject him, but hoped he would go along.  
"You want me to fuck you hard baby?"  
"Fuck me with your huge cock _Daddy_."  
"You callin me Daddy now eh?" Miles said, kissing Alex and pulling his fingers out.  
"Yeah?" Alex replied, his voice quivering as he questioned Miles' opinion.  
"Well brace yourself because Daddy's gonna fuck you like never before."

Miles leaned closer into Alex and pushed his dick inside, making Alex moan and scratch around for something to grab onto. He thrust into Alex as hard as he could, turning his legs to jelly again. Alex clenched his teeth and gasped for air, enjoying Miles' dick.  
"Fuck yeah Daddy, fuck me hard!"  
Miles bounced Alex on his dick, thrusting up in search of Alex's G spot. He leaned forward and smacked him on the lips, forcing his clenched teeth to open.

And boy did they open.

He let out an almighty moan as Miles hit the sweet spot within him with each thrust, and continued to yell out and moan the more Miles carried on.  
"Shh!" Miles said, putting a hand over his mouth.  
But it was no use. Alex continued to let profanities and the word 'Daddy' jump out of his mouth. His eyes rolled back as the sensation of Miles thrusting into him took over. Suddenly he felt a vice-grip around his throat and opened his eyes to see Miles pinning him to the wall by his neck. Miles sped up, watching Alex writhe on top. His mouth still moved, but nothing came out. Alex wrapped his arms tight around Miles' back and dug his nails in, feeling every inch of his skin lust for Miles. Slowly Miles moved his grip from Alex's neck to the base of his dick, stopping him from cumming.  
"We can't have you finishing when I've barely got started." Miles spoke softly, catching his breath for a second.  
He resumed thrusting into Alex as more noise bubbled out in between splutters and grunts as Alex begged to be able to cum. Pain started to build up, but it was numbed out over the sensation of Miles hitting him again and again and again.  
"Mi…fuh…k…mmm…don…fuh…sto…oh…Mi…da…dy…fuhh…hk…mmm…mmm…MILES!" Alex yelled, feeling his legs turn to jelly again.  
He slipped down, clattering to the floor as his dick shot semen out. He desperately tried to catch his breath as Miles' hand reached down and yanked his jaw wide open, wanking off into his mouth.

"You're such a naughty boy Laa, you really are." Miles smiled, pulling Alex up and propping him against the wall, feeling Alex's legs shaking beneath him.  
Alex bowed his head down and bobbed it back up. He flashed Miles a smile and he looked down to see Alex still cumming.  
"How the fuck?"  
Alex flopped into Miles' arms.  
"You know how to fuck me like no one else."  
Miles held Alex under the shower helping him get clean when he felt his body go limp. He shook him, scared he'd passed out only to see him startle awake, blissfully drifting between being awake and fast asleep.  
"Get dry Laa, we may as well head off to bed."  
Alex groaned in reply, perching himself on the side of the sink wrapped in a towel. Miles grabbed his dressing gown and ran downstairs to usher the lads out.  
"Having fun up there?" Nick said, pulling his jacket on.  
"So you're ready to go?" Miles asked, grabbing a bottle of red wine.  
"We were gonna head off before but we wanted to see what Alex thought of you, _Daddy_." Jamie laughed, walking through to the hallway.  
"Fuck off!" Miles chuckled, cheeks flushing.  
"We'll leave you two to it then."  
"Bye bye." Miles said, pushing them out the door.

"Laa?" Miles asked, walking into the bathroom to check on Alex.  
He was splayed out on the floor fast asleep, hair still dripping wet and mouth drooling. Miles helped get him dry and carried him through to their room. He laid him down in bed and dropped his dressing gown to the floor, putting the wine on the dresser and turning the light off.  
"Pass me the bottle Mi." Alex said drowsily, still half asleep.   
Miles smiled and handed the bottle to Alex who gulped a few mouthfuls down.  
"To us." He said, handing the bottle to Miles in a cheering action.  
"To us." Miles replied, taking a drink and returning it to the dresser.  
He climbed into bed when no sooner had he pulled the duvet over him, Alex snuggled up, resting his neck in the crook of Miles' shoulder.  
"You're the best husband I could ever wish for Miles. I don't know what I'd do without you."  
"You managed for ages before me."  
"I can't remember being without you." Alex yawned, pecking a cheek on Miles' jaw. "I can't actually sit properly now. And man did you fuck me hard."  
"We have tomorrow free."  
"What do you wanna do?" Alex asked, stroking up and down Miles' torso.  
"What if we drove back to the bench," Miles began, feeling Alex's heart speed up. "And fucked there."  
"You read my mind. Though I wanna do more with you before you die."  
"Like?"  
"Fuck you on the top of a skyscraper and other silly shit."  
"I've got a scan the day after next, so we'll see what we can do."  
"Imagine it though. You leaning over, feeling the adrenaline of being so high, and then me fucking you, softly, sweetly, slow enough for you to take in the sights."  
"That sounds like…"  
"Like?"  
"The closest I'll get to heaven while I'm alive."  
"What do you say?"  
"Let's go find a skyscraper."  
"Fuck, I'm gonna end up dreaming about it now."  
"Tell me all about it when you wake up Laa. I want to hear every detail."  
"You can wake up to my dream report."


	27. Do Me A Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Will you get mad if I get blackout drunk as fast as possible so I can talk about this tomorrow?"  
> "I might join you actually. Fake smiles and laughing is all we've got now."  
> "Maybe if we act really drunk they'll go and we can have some alone time."  
> "And how do you plan on doing that when they know how much we need to drink?"  
> "There's two empty bottles of vodka by the bin in the garage that I finished off last week. Fill them up with water and we can down them together."
> 
> Miles finally get the results from his scan, but there's a complication, sending Alex crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know the feeling when you think a really bad roller coaster has finally stopped but it hasn't? Well basically, that's this fic. We've been apporoaching this hill for a while. Be warned, the next part is pretty depressing. Trigger warning straight up for the next 3 chapters. Big trigger warning. I practically triggered myself writing it. So, you have been warned. Hold onto whatever you can.

"Open it then! I've waited ages for these results!" Alex begged Miles as he stood in the kitchen clasping his scan results.   
They weren't expecting anything huge, in fact they expected the worst. But the doctor had seemed optimistic, and they had to hope for something. Miles slid his finger under the seal of the envelope, tearing it open. He carefully took the letter out, looked at Alex and flicked it open.  
"Following your previous scan, the results have shown-" Miles stopped, re reading the section over and over.  
"What?!" Alex said, his voice mixed with excitement and horror.  
"That there is no evidence of cancer in any tissue within your body."  
Alex looked up at Miles, both stood in shock and disbelief. How could this happen? It defied everything the doctors had said, it defied biology itself. Alex jumped over, smiling to read the letter for himself.  
"No fucking way!" He laughed, smiling ear to ear. "How…how?"  
"Fuck knows Laa. Maybe that weed worked after all." Miles smiled, a smile growing on his face.  
Alex flung his arms to Miles, grabbing him and hoisting him into the air.  
"YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE!" He yelled, letting Miles down and hugging him tight. "I'm not gonna lose you."  
He couldn't help but let a few tears escape from his eyes. This was nothing short of a miracle.  
"Call up the lads. Call up everyone. House party. Right now."  
Alex pounced over the kitchen table to grab the phone, dialling up the lads.  
"GET OVER TO THIS HOUSE NOW AND BRING BOOZE!" Alex yelled down the phone, shortly followed by a loud 'WAHOO!'.  
He dashed back through into the kitchen and wrapped a hand around Miles' waist, grabbing his other hand and dancing while he sang 'You're not gonna die!'.   
"Come on Al, help make an effort to get this party started!"  
"All-righty then!" He yelled, doing his best Jim Carrey impression.

He wasted no time in grabbing all of the booze in the house and putting it on the kitchen counter, followed by rows and rows of pint glasses and wine glasses. In the living room he put his favourite party playlist on the sound system, blasting music throughout the house.  
"You can't half tell there's a party going on here!" Jamie said, bursting through the door.  
"MILES ISN'T GONNA DIE!" Alex yelled, punching the air.  
All three of the other Monkeys paused for a second to make sure it wasn't a joke, and then cheered. Miles slid down the banister in the suit Alex had bought him, black with gold buttons, lining, cufflinks and collar. Alex darted over and grabbed his face, kissing him hard.  
"You look so fucking good baby." He said, before running upstairs and yelling again.  
"He sounds chuffed Miles." Matt laughed, adding 2 bottles of tequila and a crate of lager to the counter.  
"He's gone loopy! I think he's high off being happy. He hasn't been this happy since our wedding day." Miles said, pouring himself a glass of wine.  
"Al, come down a sec!" Matt yelled, pouring out another 4 glasses of wine.  
Alex came bounding downstairs in a similar suit to Miles, only black with yellow accents. Matt handed him a glass of wine as everyone else took theirs.  
"To Miles' miracle!" Matt said, holding his glass in the air.  
"To Miles' miracle!" Everyone else echoed, clinking their glasses.  
"To Miles' ass!" Alex laughed, chugging his wine and running back off upstairs.  
"Loopy." Miles laughed, sipping his wine.

Upstairs Alex was going mental. He'd had half of his secret bottle of vodka trying to get his brain to forget what he'd seen. Miles wasn't clear of cancer at all. The letter was addressed to Mr Kaning, not Kane. But it was too late now to tell Miles and the others now. He had an ache in his chest and he could hardly breathe, panicking about how Miles would feel if he realised. Just that moment, Miles popped his head through the door.  
"Everything alright Laa?"  
"Yeah…yeah…fucking hell no." he gasped, trying not to panic.  
"What's wrong?" Miles said, sitting down on the bed next to him.  
"You didn't read the letter properly."  
"How do you mean Laa?"  
Alex was desperately trying not to cry, but the lump in his throat ached like a bitch.  
"Miles, it's not your results. It's some guy called Mr Kaning." He said, his voice breaking into a cry.  
Jamie wandered upstairs after hearing Alex cry. Miles immediately wrapped his arms around Alex, hushing him.  
"You alright Al?" he asked, seeing him crying into Miles.  
"He's just so overwhelmed, that's all. I can't believe it either!" Miles said, tears starting to roll out of his eyes now he knew the truth.  
Neither dared tell the others the truth until they could blame it on the hospital's fault for the misprint.

"I'll give you some privacy." Jamie said, walking out and closing the door.  
"What do you think is gonna happen?" Alex said, looking up at Miles with red bloodshot eyes.  
"I'll phone the hospital later and see what happens. Want something to make you feel better Laa?"  
Alex nodded as Miles stood up and went to his draw, pulling out his tobacco tin.  
"I don't want a fag right now Mi."  
Miles opened the tin to reveal 2 blunts and a nug of weed.  
"That better?" Miles said, patting Alex on the head.  
He reached in and took the blunt out, lighting it.  
"Cheers Mi."  
Miles sat with Alex, helping him calm down. He rubbed his back and gently stroked his cheek.  
"I noticed too. I was gonna say it but you looked so happy for a moment there."  
"Will you get mad if I get blackout drunk as fast as possible so I can talk about this tomorrow?"  
"I might join you actually. Fake smiles and laughing is all we've got now."  
"Maybe if we act really drunk they'll go and we can have some alone time."  
"And how do you plan on doing that when they know how much we need to drink?"  
"There's two empty bottles of vodka by the bin in the garage that I finished off last week. Fill them up with water and we can down them together."  
"Good plan. Do you wanna get them or shall I?"  
"You get them. They'll just call me an alcoholic if I get them."  
"See you in a mo."  
Miles wiped the last tear from Alex eye and forced a bad smile. He walked to the garage to fill up the bottles as Alex walked downstairs.

"WHO WANTS A MARGARITA?!" He bellowed, putting on his best acting to convince them.  
All three nodded back to him. He walked into the kitchen to make them when he felt magnetised to the cupboard under the sink. He tried to resist the urge, but got too sucked in. Before he knew it he rummaged out a bottle of absinthe. Miles walked into the kitchen just as he unscrewed the lid.  
"I'm sorry." Alex said, looking up before putting the bottle to his lips.  
Miles calmly put the full bottles of 'Vodka' on the table and watched as he drank half the bottle.  
"Put it down." He scorned, folding his arms.  
Alex slowly put the bottle down, sheepishly bowing his head. Miles picked it up and put the bottle to his lips, finishing it off. Alex looked up shocked by the sight.  
"Better. Sharing is caring, right?" Miles laughed, picking the bottles up and walking through to the living room.  
"Look what I got!" Miles said, waving the bottles.  
Jamie tried to take one but Miles shook his hand back.   
"It's mine and Alex's party drinks for the night."  
Alex took it out of Miles' hand and unscrewed the cap at lightning speed. Miles copied as they both threw the lids behind them. They both looked at each other and leaned forwards, linking arms with the bottles they were holding.  
"Bottoms up!" Alex laughed, tipping his head back.  
At first the lads looked shocked. The Matt started chanting, and the other 2 joined in.  
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"  
In less than a minute, both had drank their water. They looked into each others' eyes, seeing nothing but pain.  
"Shit I forgot the margaritas!" Alex said, walking back to the kitchen.  
"I'll help!" Miles said, following him.

Once both were inside, they sank behind the door.  
"How long does it usually take us to get pissed off vodka?" Miles whispered, looking at his watch then the kitchen clock.  
"Absinthe." Alex said, crawling forwards.  
"How long?" He whispered louder, crawling after Alex.  
"Absinthe."  
"Alex!"   
Alex was too preoccupied with rummaging through the sink.  
"Fine. Get pissed. Leave me to figure this mess out." Miles said standing up and kicking Alex gently.  
Miles made a start on the Margaritas as Alex sucked on bottles of absinthe as if it was a toddler drinking milk. They could hear from the living room "Do Me A Favour" had just came on.

"Miles." Alex said, grabbing his sleeve.  
"Not now you fucking idiot, I'm trying to do something!"  
"Miles." He said louder, his voice hoarse and panicky.  
"What?!" Miles said angrily. "These Margaritas won't make themselves!"  
"Look Miles. A camera." He said, pointing.  
Miles froze, dropping the tequila on the kitchen floor, smashing the bottle. He slowly turned around to see a cameraman taking pictures of Alex slumped on the kitchen floor surrounded by absinthe through the glass door. He bolted to the door, stepping over smashed glass and dragged the blind down as fast as he could. If he let go now, the blind would roll up and their lives would unravel. Jamie, Matt and Nick ran through to see the scene.  
"This isn’t good." Miles said, still frozen to the spot pinning the blind. "Not good at all."  
Alex drank the last of his absinthe and let the bottle roll away.  
"I COULD DO WITH LESS MESS YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! YOU ALCOHOLIC CUNT! YOU LYING BASTARD, GOOD FOR NOTHING DEADBEAT!" Miles yelled in a fit of rage.  
Alex opened another bottle and started drinking it, his eyes glazed over. He finished it and moved onto another bottle.  
"He's gonna need his stomach pumped Miles." Matt said, trying to figure out what was going on.  
Meanwhile Jamie was already calling an ambulance. Matt and Nick walked back through, collecting their things.

"Maybe we should see Nic again. Maybe we should get counselling again."  
"No more hospitals." Alex slurred, finishing another bottle.  
"Alex, please for the love of God, STOP!"  
He shook his head. With his left hand, he reached over to the smashed glass and picked a chunk up.  
"Alex. Stop it. You’re scaring me."  
He examined the glass and rolled his sleeve up.  
"Alex. Don't."  
He dug the glass into his skin and dragged, leaving a line of red blood. Miles felt useless watching Alex breakdown, as he couldn't move and was out of earshot of the others.  
"Alex, if you do it again I'm screaming for help."  
Alex dug the glass in again deeper, making the blood come out faster.  
"Numb." He said, almost comatose.  
"HELP!" Miles screamed, trying to hook the blind down without letting go. "JAMIE! MATT! NICK! HELP!"  
Alex dug the glass in again, blood dripping from his arm. He watched as the flow went from steady to rapid. Inside Miles was panicking like hell. If he let go, the world would know. If he did nothing, Alex would die. And yelling for help did nothing. In the heat of the moment he let go of the blind and rushed over to Alex. Time seemed to slow as he dashed around the kitchen table. He could feel every beat of his heart, hear the whiz of the blind rolling up, and saw each drop of blood as it fell from Alex's arm. He hooked his arms under Alex's body and dragged him up and out of the sight of the kitchen window. To his relief the cameraman had gone. He frantically grabbed for the handle when someone came to open the door.  
"GET THE AMBULANCE HERE NOW!" Miles screamed, dragging Alex through.  
All 3 men gasped as Miles dragged Alex into the hallway and towards the door. His arm was gushing blood, leaving a bright red line wherever Miles took him.  
"We came through to say it's here." Jamie said rapidly, walking over to help Miles.  
Miles was off like a rocket once Jamie had spoken, practically sprinting out the house. The paramedics had just gotten off the ambulance when Miles screamed at them to hurry up and take Alex. They put him on the stretcher straight away and bandaged his arm, holding it upright in the air.

Miles looked down at the suit he had on. The gold accents were a glittery-red, and he was visibly soaked with tequila and blood. Suddenly his chest felt tight. Like when his lungs filled up with fluids tight. He tried to breathe but just started hyperventilating. The ambulance jerked off, sirens blasting out. He reached his hand out to Alex when a paramedic wrapped an oxygen mask around Miles' face. He grabbed Alex's hand, gently stroking his fingers while he gripped the mask with the other. He watched as Alex stared at him with glassy, doll-like eyes.  
"You're going to rehab." Miles cried, pulling his mask down for a moment. "The second you leave hospital you're going to rehab."  
Alex widened his eyes in protest, shaking his head slightly.  
"Say whatever you want. You're sick Alex, and medication won't fucking fix you. You need help Al. This needs to stop."  
Alex had never thought deeply about how much he needed Alcohol. He just knew he needed it. But that was his downfall. _He needed it._ He felt a ringing in his ears as the absinthe started taking him away.  
"I'll only go if you promise me you'll live."  
"Alex, I'm dying, I'll never live!" Miles said pulling the mask back on.  
"Then I'll never go to rehab."  
Just then, Miles got a text. It was pictures of Alex on the kitchen floor, the second Miles had let go of the blind and him dragging Alex out the house.  
"They've got pictures now Laa. Everyone's gonna know your secret."  
Alex shook his finger in Miles' face.  
"Everyone's gonna know your secret."  
"What secret?"  
"Shhhh." Alex slurred, his head lolling from side to side before he passed out.  
"Alex, what fucking secret!?"  
"Sit down and shut up before I kick you off this ambulance!" A paramedic yelled, putting the mask back over Miles' face.


	28. Catapult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What the fuck have you done now." Miles sighed, sitting on the chair next to Alex.  
> "You've got the manager and a team of lawyers working their backsides off to sue the camera guy who was taking all the photos of you. You're lucky he shit himself and threw his hands up once we caught him. You've been here 3 days you know. Do you know how worried I've been?"
> 
> Alex is stuck in the hospital when Miles comes to visit, and tries to explain everything he's done wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, brace yourself. (I'm putting A load of chapters up now so I have less to worry about later.)

Alex woke up like he had before. Pipes down his throat and a monitor on. Only this time, Nic was sat there waiting.  
"Hello Alex." She said in a calming voice. "I'm not going to force you to go anywhere or do anything, I'm just here to tell you about a few things."  
Alex already felt shitty, and now he felt like people were talking down to him.  
"Alex, I'm here on behalf of Alcoholics Anonymous."  
Alex pulled his hand up and yanked at the tubes in his mouth, pulling them out. Nic tried to stop Alex but he lifted his leg and kicked her back. She pressed the emergency button on the wall as Alex sat up and vomited, tarnishing the white blankets.  
"Alex, listen to me. You no longer have a choice. As soon as it is feasible, you will be transferred to the psychiatric ward."  
Nurses flocked in to tend to Alex, putting the tubes back in his mouth and down his throat.  
"Your current state of mind is bad and you need mental help. That is why I'm here to help. After your transferral we'll guide you back to a happier life, and help you change your habits and fix your problems. I'll come back when you're calmer as I can tell this is making you feel uncomfortable."  
Alex laid back down, feeling the pipes slide into place again. He heard Nic exit and say hi as she left, signalling Miles' entry.

"What the fuck have you done now." Miles sighed, sitting on the chair next to Alex.  
"You've got the manager and a team of lawyers working their backsides off to sue the camera guy who was taking all the photos of you. You're lucky he shit himself and threw his hands up once we caught him. You've been here 3 days you know. Do you know how worried I've been? I've been pacing the corridors, pacing in this room, I've had multiple panic attacks and listened to the same thing over and over that they'll convince you to go to rehab. I doubt you will. You're the kind of person who doesn’t care about who they hurt. I mean, think back to all the times where I've had to sit around and deal with your shit! When you were getting drunk all the time and I was scared because I knew you'd spiral out of control. When you promised you'd stop smoking because I didn't want you to get cancer yet you carried on. When you drove drunk and nearly fucking killed us, and I woke up in the car to see you look lifeless and dead, then in the hospital when I was preparing for a nurse to come in and say you didn't make it. When you cheated on me and went on a sex bender and left me feeling like a worthless nobody. When you tried to kill yourself and left me sat in the room watching you slip away, thinking I was going to lose the only thing that mattered, making me quit chemo because I didn't want to live without you. I'm sick of this!"  
Miles threw his head into his hands remembering all the times he was hurt by Alex. Alex looked at him as his eyes poured tears, reaching up his bandaged hand to stroke his face.  
"What's this Alex? Insult to injury? Is this your way of saying a joke? This arm, the fucking cuts on it, took 3 hours in surgery to stop the bleeding. You needed 2 blood transfusions and you've had a non-stop stomach pump and medications to stop your body absorbing alcohol. You've nearly drowned on your own vomit twice and when they first took you in they offered to take me to a special ward where they help people who've witnessed traumatic events."  
Alex tried to speak but only made noises. He tried so hard to say he was sorry but it would never be enough.

"And this is what it's done to me." Miles sobbed, taking his stripy, long sleeved top off.  
They were superficial, but cuts none the less, and they plastered every part of Miles' torso out of sight that he could reach.  
"I can't stand this anymore Alex. I really can't cope with your antics."  
Alex spluttered as he took in Miles' body. The pipes down his throat couldn't stop the wailing noises coming from his chest, and an audible 'Miles' sounding noise escaped his mouth. Miles pulled his top back on and went to leave when Alex pulled the tubes out again.  
"I can explain!" He yelled, gagging.  
Miles spun around and glared at Alex as if to say 'go on'.  
"I got drunk because I couldn't cope with the way things changed. Drink was the only thing I could control. Then it controlled me. I couldn't stop smoking because I kept catching the smell of it on your breath and couldn't resist. I drink drove as fast as I could so we could die instead of facing this monster. I cheated on you because I felt like you didn’t love my body anymore after the crash. I was scared you'd reject me, when sleazy hookers in the bar would have far lower standards because I know how high your standards are and how you'll never settle for anything less than perfect. I tried to kill myself because I had no control. I was either drinking or thinking about you dying, and it infected my mind. I couldn't watch you fade into the shell of who you were. And this? I'm gone. I broke down. I've hit rock bottom. You saw me there. Helpless. Unstable. Numb. And I'm sorry, and I'll try to change, I promise. Please don't walk out on me. Please. And get over here because you look like you're in agony."  
Tears rolled from Miles' eyes as he walked back over to Alex.  
"I know I'm a shitty husband. I'm insecure as fuck. And I'm scared you'll either walk out on me or die, every minute of every day."  
Alex wrapped his hands around Miles' body, pulling him closer. He knelt on the bed to reach Miles' height.  
"I'm a broken man, Mi. And I know what it's doing to you, but please, don't make me go to rehab. I promise I'll try to get better, and I'll look after you."  
"You've already got a week's stay in the psych ward."  
"I know, but Mi, I'm sorry, please. I've never had a relationship like this. I have never loved someone so much it hurt me. Even when you get a paper cut I want to kiss it better. And right now I wish I could fix this mess. I'll see Nic. You can come with me to help. And you can get help."

Alex looked around, trying to distract himself.  
"Fuck Miles I can't stop thinking about your chest." Alex cried, trying to avoid the urge to run his hands over the cuts on Miles' body. "Right, that's it, I need to know. How deep. How old. When did you last clean them, and if you haven't, go do it now."  
"Uhh, like a scratch, 3 days, last night." Miles said, staring at the ground.  
"Oh thank god." Alex sighed in relief. "What did you use."  
"One of the razors from the packet in the bathroom." He mumbled, biting his lip.  
"Did you wash it first?"  
"No."   
"Why?"  
"It was new! Anyway, since when were you obsessed with this?" Miles asked, intrigued by Alex's sudden interest.  
"Because I know. Remember when we went months without sex because you were too weak?" He sighed.  
"You did it then?" Miles choked, pulling his chin up to look at him.  
"It was killing me that cancer was killing you." He cried, hugging Miles.  
"Where?"  
"It doesn't matter. You can't see the scars anyway." He dismissed, sitting back down on the bed.  
"Is it your shoulders and arms, because they're raised lines I can see all the time." Miles said,   
"Yeah."  
"Why didn't you say?"  
"I was scared."  
"Of what?"  
"Upsetting you. Anyway, go home. Get some rest. Look after yourself."  
"Why now?"  
"Because I'm gonna press that orange button on the wall, and the nurse is going to come and restrain me and put the tubes back in and cart me off to a quiet room on the psych ward where I'll spend a week. I'll have Nic to keep me company, and someone nice from Alcoholics Anonymous."  
"Alex-"  
"I need to get better. Love you." Alex sobbed, kissing Miles and pushing the button.  
Just like Alex had predicted, nurses came in and sorted him out. Miles watched in shock as they pushed Alex out of the room and down the corridor.  He watched them turn the corner as Alex lifted his head, looking at Miles as if to tell him he'll be ok.  
"-I got the scan results." Miles finished, sighing and leaving the hospital room.

"Jamie? Yeah it's me. Just come out. They're taking him to the psych ward for a week. Keep an eye on him. With his history they're gonna want to be thorough. No stone left unturned. Listen, I need a favour. Empty the house of booze. Everything. Completely. Not one bottle of alcohol anywhere. He probably does have a stash, and I'll quiz him till I get it out of him. I'll be fine. Just got to figure out how to get blood of the white carpet now. See ya."  
Miles put his phone in his pocket. He took one more look at the hospital as he drove off back home, determined to figure out how to break the scan results to Alex gently.


	29. Hold On We're Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hit me." He said, tears pricking his eyes. "Hit me hard."  
> Miles put his hand up and slapped Alex, just hard enough to make a noise, but by no means hard.  
> "Harder." Alex said, shaking Miles.  
> "Why?"  
> "Hit me as hard as you can."  
> Miles slapped Alex again, still not as hard as he could. Alex recoiled, but grabbed onto Miles harder.  
> "Harder!" He yelled, shaking Miles vigorously. "Think about every time I hurt you!"  
> "Sure?" Miles said, caressing Alex's reddening cheek.  
> "Do it!"
> 
> Now Alex knows how long Miles has left, he needs a new way to cope, and think's he's found the best way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This is a little mean of me. You might cry at the end of this. But first, re-read that summary. Guess why you'll cry. I bet it's not what you think. Anyway, enjoy.

Miles walked into the room where Alex was lodging.  
"How you been Laa?" He said, his voice soft as silk.  
Alex sat up in his bed, now completely free of any machines or pipes. Miles walked over wearing a black turtle neck. He'd had a haircut, but it was still the style Alex loved. Cut just above his eyebrows and trimmed round the sides.  
"Been better I guess."  
"How's your arm?" He said calmly, sitting down next to his bed.  
"Sore but healing well."  
"Good." Miles smiled, kissing Alex's cheek.  
"And you?" Alex said, gently rubbing his arm.  
"Sore but healing well." He laughed, a hint of pain audible. "I've had Jamie help me clear the house out."  
"What do you mean?" Alex asked puzzled.  
"Get rid of the booze. It's better if we get shot of it all innit Laa."  
"Under the sofa and under the bed."  
"What?"  
"Under the sofa and under the bed." He repeated, slightly more sternly.  
Miles looked at him confused.  
"It's where I hid extra bottles."  
"Ah, I'll remember to get rid of those too. They're discharging you today incase you weren't told."  
Alex leaned over and gave Miles a hug.  
"Oh for fucks sake Miles, get up here." Alex sighed, moving across the bed to let Miles sit next to him.   
Miles jumped up and sat against the head of the bed, wrapping his arm around Alex.  
"Nick's been to talk to me a few times. She'd gonna prescribe me some anti-depressants for a while."  
"Oh Laa." Miles sighed on the verge of tears, cuddling him in. "I'm sorry I yelled at you when you were on the other ward."  
"It's ok Mi. I know it's hard on you."  
"I'll tell you the scan results when you get home. When we're alone and we can cuddle all we like."  
"Fair enough."  
A nurse came in, handing Alex a bag of medication. She talked through how to take them before signing Alex out.

"Free at last." Alex said, walking outside with Miles. "Finally get to sleep at home again."  
"Jamie's just been to pick up your stashes of vodka. We have a  completely empty house." Miles said, patting Alex's shoulder.  
"Thanks Mi. Thanks for helping me through this." Alex said, clinging onto Miles' arm tighter.  
They walked to the car and jumped in.  
"So go on. What did you do for the week?" Miles said, starting the car.  
"I had a couple of meetings with AA. They've said I'm doing really good to be wanting to get off it as soon as possible. I had lots of meetings with Nic too. She's diagnosed me with depression. Macmillan came in for a bit too."  
"So you've had quite a busy week then!"  
"What about you Mi?"  
"Clearing the house, sorting things out, mopping the kitchen, trying to get the tequila smell out of the kitchen, cleaning blood off the carpet, washing suits, loads."  
"Why didn't you wait for me to clean the suits and carpets? I'm the master at getting blood out of things. Remember when you had a nosebleed on that white shirt?"  
"True. I did a pretty good job though. You can hardly notice it was there."

When they got back, Alex went straight for the kitchen. He immediately put the kettle on as he eyed up the side, now completely bare.  
"We didn't half have a lot of booze!" Alex said, grabbing two mugs.  
"Wanna sit on the sofa for a bit? I can tell you the results."  
"Yeah, go take a seat. I'll be through in a sec."  
Alex poured out the coffee as Miles waited anxiously in the living room. He walked through, putting the coffee on the table and sitting next to Miles.  
"Now tell me the news Mi." Alex said, a hint of sadness in his voice.  
He picked up Miles' hand and held it in his own as they looked into each other's eyes.  
"Well Mr Kaning was pleased."  
"You Miles, that’s all I wanna hear."  
"It's not good I'm afraid. They've made a rough estimate, bordering on an overestimation on my time left."  
"And how long is it?" Alex said, gulping loudly and grabbing onto Miles' hands tighter.  
"6 months to a year."  
Alex stopped for a second to process everything. He counted the time in his head.  
"It's March now, and 6 months is-"  
"September."  
"No." Alex said, wiping tears from his eyes. "No!"  
"Babe, we don't have a choice-"  
"You've gotta be here for Christmas! You've gotta see our second anniversary! You've gotta live!"  
"I don't have a choice Laa. When it's my time to go, I'll have to go."  
Alex didn't like being out of control of this. The thought of Miles not even making it to Christmas scared him more than anything.

"We'll make funeral arrangements after my birthday, ok?"  
"We need a bucket list."  
"A bucket list?"  
"Yeah. Everything we _have_ to do before you die. And we'll do everything." Alex said, pulling Miles in for a hug.  
"Can we just focus on other milestones first. It's my birthday in 3 days."  
"Sure." Alex said, kissing Miles. "Is there anything, absolutely anything in the world you want? A place you want to go, people you want to meet, anything-"  
"I just want to go out for a nice meal. See everyone we know. Get a chance to give them an early goodbye."  
"That’s fine." Alex said, trying to smile.   
He wanted anything in the world to make Miles happy.

Alex stood up, abandoning his coffee and walked through to the kitchen. He'd forgotten there was no booze left in the house. Alex flailed his arms, feeling like he'd lost a part of him. It finally hit him how dependant he was, and how much he needed the alcohol. Just them Miles walked through. Alex spun around and grabbed Miles' shoulders.  
"Hit me." He said, tears pricking his eyes. "Hit me hard."  
Miles put his hand up and slapped Alex, just hard enough to make a noise, but by no means hard.  
"Harder." Alex said, shaking Miles.  
"Why?"  
"Hit me as hard as you can."  
Miles slapped Alex again, still not as hard as he could. Alex recoiled, but grabbed onto Miles harder.  
"Harder!" He yelled, shaking Miles vigorously. "Think about every time I hurt you!"  
"Sure?" Miles said, caressing Alex's reddening cheek.  
"Do it!"  
Miles stepped back and swung his arm straight into Alex's face, knocking him sideways.  
"AGAIN!" Alex shouted, going back over to Miles.  
Miles did it again, forcing Alex to cling onto the counter for stability.  
"Alex, why are you doing this?" Miles said, his voice wavering.  
"I need to."  
"But why." Miles whined, walking over and hugging Alex.  
"I need pain. I need alcohol, but I can't have it. I need something."  
"Why don't we just go to bed?"  
"I don't want sex. I want alcohol." He grunted in a staccato pace.  
Miles clung onto Alex, cradling him.  
"If I had any less control, I'd do what you did."  
"Please Laa, just come upstairs for a bit. We can make this bucket list. We can sort out my birthday. Please, just, don’t lose it. Keep fighting."  
Alex grabbed onto Miles again. For a second, Miles thought he'd be asked to hit him again.  
"Take away the pain of feeling nothing."  
Miles crashed his lips onto Alex's, waiting for him to reciprocate. When Alex did nothing, he pulled back.  
"Laa, do you want something, like weed to calm you, or a massage, or a bath?"  
"Can we just lie on the sofa for a bit?"  
"Absolutely." Miles said, kissing Alex again.

Miles sat up on the sofa with Alex's head in his lap. He toyed with Alex's hair, stroked his chin and played with his fingers. It helped calm him too, knowing Alex was safe.  
"Miles," Alex said, his voice all high pitched.  
"Yeah Al?"  
"How can I make this better? Fix you and fix me."  
"God I dunno."  
"How about we go somewhere. Do something. Meet people. Start a new hobby."  
"Wanna go for a walk then?" Miles said, kissing Alex's forehead. "A nice wander somewhere."  
"Sure." Alex said, sniffing his nose to stop it running.  
"How about we go to the lake. Walk around the lake before it gets dark. Watch the sun set over the mountains."  
"I like that."  
Miles pushed Alex up and helped him off the sofa.

The drove in the car, Alex in tears desperate for the end. He didn't want his time with Miles to go, but he couldn't stand the time in between now and the inevitable end.  
"Here Laa, put the radio on." Miles said, pushing buttons in the car.  
_"And here we give you the Alex Turner. This song's called' It's Hard To Get Around The Wind'."_  
Miles kept driving as the song blasted out. Alex turned the volume up, losing his head in the sound. Miles kept his hand on the gearstick as he changed, the traffic proving to be very unpredictable. Alex reached his hand down and locked fingers with Miles'.  
"It's looking to be a nice evening." Miles said, turning off onto the car park. "It'll get nippy, but it looks to be nice."  
They got out the car and started walking, hand in hand.

"The lake looks so calm today. We should get a boat out sometime." Alex said at their first stop, snuggling up to Miles.  
There was a series of benches (slowly being taken over and dedicated  to people) dotted around the route of the path around the lake. Each had a spectacular view.  
"Add that to the bucket list." Miles said, taking out his phone and presenting Alex with a new note titled 'Mi and Laa's Bucket List.'.  
Alex's fingers tapped away at the screen before handing the phone back to Miles.  
"Lets carry on." Miles said, standing up.

The more they walked, the more of the lake they saw. They walked past their favourite stop, now with the bench completely removed, leaving only a concrete slab where it once stood.  
"I wish they'd get a new bench there." Miles said, walking past.  
"Yeah. Hopefully soon too. We can go back to it."  
"For now sitting on jackets is the best we can do." Miles said, kicking a stone to the side of the path.

The trees that hung over the path were starting to grow new leaves and flowers as spring approached. Miles picked out one low-hanging branch and jumped up, grabbing for a flower. He nestled it behind Alex's ear, making his face somehow look prettier. He kissed the side of his head, smelling the flower.  
"Am I your pretty little boy now?" Alex smiled, kissing Miles' lips.  
"GAYLORDS!" A boy shouted, cycling past them.  
"I'd rather be a lord than a peasant." Alex laughed, jumping up and grabbing Miles a flower for him.

They soon arrived at their next stop. A large stone split clean in two with carvings on the split faces.  
"Hey Laa, go stand on them rocks so I can take a picture!"  
Alex ran over and jumped up, posing as if he'd just broken the rock in two. Miles laughed as Alex bounded back over and hugged him.  
"You think of the funniest things Laa, you really do."  
"I get it from someone you know!" Alex chuckled, punching Miles' arm gently.

As they continued, the wind changed from a gentle breeze to gusty. The calm lake had changed into a wavy, choppy lake.  
"You've lost your flower Mi!"   
"No I haven't. It's in me pocket."  
"Good thinking." Alex said, grabbing his and putting it in his pocket.  
"We're nearly at the end now. Next stop we'll be able to sit and watch the sun set."

When they got to the final bench, Miles sat down and Alex curled up, leaning on Miles for support. Miles wrapped his arm around him, taking the packet of cigarettes out his pocket.  
"Fancy a fag?" Miles said, popping one in his mouth and lighting it.  
"Aye." Alex chattered, snuggling up to Miles more.  
"Cold?" Miles asked, putting a cigarette in Alex's mouth and lighting it.  
Alex hummed in reply, reaching a hand up to take the cigarette out his mouth.  
"Gosh will you look at that sunset!" Miles gasped in awe at the setting sun.  
The sky had split into steaks of neon orange, amber, red, pink, purple and blue.  
"It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Miles smiled, dragging on his cigarette again.  
"Beaten by?" Alex questioned, taking his cigarette out and replacing it, hiding his hands in his jacket.  
"Well, there was this one boy I met. Had lips like a galaxy. Eyes so sweet to look in it felt like looking at thick, melted chocolate. His skin felt like the softest cloth you've ever felt. Hair like strands of gold. And his voice, from when he whispered to when he yelled, always sounded like a chorus of angels."  
"Sounds like you really liked that guy." Alex sighed, blowing smoke into the wind.  
"You know what his name is?"  
"Go on. See if I know him."  
"Alexander David Kane." Miles hummed, kissing Alex's forehead. "You are the most beautiful think I've ever laid eyes on."  
Alex pulled his head up and kissed Miles passionately.  
"Now I can't do it. You beat me to it."  
"Shame." Miles laughed, stroking Alex's hair back.  
"Hang on a sec Mi," Alex said, sitting up and kissing Miles' nose. "You had a bit of perfection on your face."  
"Smooth." Miles chuckled, kissing Alex back.  
"If I could freeze time, I'd stop it here."  
"Really?"  
"It's the most beautiful sunset with the most beautiful man, of course I would."  
"We should head of home soon. Your face feels frozen."  
"What happened to soft cloth?!" Alex laughed, standing up and stubbing his cigarette out.  
"Really cold, really soft cloth."  
Alex laughed again and wrapped his arm around Miles' waist, pulling him in close.

"Thanks for today Mi." He said smiling, walking the final stretch back to the car.  
"It's nowt Laa. I really enjoyed going out with you tonight."  
"Fancy a cuddle in bed?" Alex hummed, opening the door.  
"I couldn't ask for anything more."  
"Oh but I know you could." Alex smirked, climbing into the car.  
"But that can wait." Miles said, kissing Alex's forehead and turning the car on.  
"Race you to bed." Alex said, chuckling to himself.  
"Race you to the lube." Miles said seductively, smirking at Alex.


	30. The Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Happy birthday Miles!" Alex sang, rolling over and kissing him.  
> "Cheers Laa." Miles smiled, stretching and sitting up.  
> "Do you want to come open your presents?"  
> Miles rolled out of bed and let Alex hug him, swaying him.  
> "Come on Mi." Alex grinned, pulling him downstairs.
> 
> It's Miles' birthday, and Alex has something special planned for when they go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back >:) Had to take a while off for exams but now I'm here to meet all your Milex needs.

"Happy birthday Miles!" Alex sang, rolling over and kissing him.  
"Cheers Laa." Miles smiled, stretching and sitting up.  
"Do you want to come open your presents?"  
Miles rolled out of bed and let Alex hug him, swaying him.  
"Come on Mi." Alex grinned, pulling him downstairs.  
"We are going out for a meal tonight, right?" Miles asked, stopping Alex before he reached the living room.  
"All booked."   
He walked in and started eyeing the presents he'd been given. He bounded over to the stack, desperately searching for one off Alex.  
"Why isn't there one off you?"  
"I'm paying for the meal out. Sorry it's nothing special. I'll make it up. I promise."  
"Oh." Miles sighed in defeat. Maybe he'd get some birthday sex, then again knowing Alex, probably nothing.  
"This one's off Jamie." Alex said, handing Miles a thick square shaped package.  
"Records!" Miles smiled, his face lighting up as he saw the many albums he'd been given.  
"I'll go make coffee." Alex said, patting Miles on the back.  
Miles continued to open more presents. Various records and photos in frames, including a photo album of all the daft pictures they'd taken over the years, off Alex's parents.  
"Al, did you get a say in this photo album?" Miles smiled, walking though smelling fresh coffee.  
"A few photos. Mum said she wanted some. I thought it would be nice to have a photo album to browse through now and again. Oh, before I forget, when we go out tonight we're wearing our wedding suits. They're gonna re-do some photos for the headstone."  
Miles had forgot about that. They'd organised to get some new photos so they had a nice one to be printed onto the headstone of their grave, as it was fast approaching the time they'd need one.  
"Wanna just cuddle up for a bit Laa? And write more of that bucket list?"  
"Sure."

Alex came back through and cuddled up to Miles on the sofa. They passed Miles' phone between them, adding extra things to their list.

**Boat ride on the lake.  At night.**  
Go back to the sex shop behind the meeting place.  
Shag at the meeting place.  
Shag somewhere in public.  
Sex on a beach while drinking sex on a beach.  
^^NON ALCOHOLIC   
Go somewhere and pretend not to be famous.  
Have a threesome          Alex you cheeky bastard.  
Underwater sex.          Alex you kinky bastard.  
Do something really gay.   Wtf mi.    
Go to a pride parade.  
Do something teenage boys do.  
Build a fort in the bedroom                and fuck in it.

"Alex, why do you have to make everything sexual?"  
"I thought you liked that?"  
"I suppose I-"  
Alex silenced Miles with a kiss.  
"I know what you're like."  
"Shhhh I am not Mr. Sex-"  
Alex kissed Miles harder, pulling his chin up to deepen the kiss.  
"We should get ready soon." Miles said, darting his eyes to the clock. "Time flies when you're thinking of-"  
"Having sex with me." Alex finished, kissing Miles again. "Don't get up yet, please."  
Alex carried on kissing Miles, desperately fighting for Miles.  
"We have to get ready, come on." Miles said, standing up.  
'There'll be plenty of kissing later Mi' Alex thought, licking his lips as he watched Miles leave the room.

They got dressed into the suits they wore at the wedding, now with more adjustments to Miles due to his weight gain. Now they were back to both being the same size.  
"Do you think I should go for a quiff or grease it back?" Alex said, playing with his hair in the mirror.  
Miles came over and pulled all his hair back.   
"Grease it." He said, biting his neck and sucking.  
"Stop it Miiiii." Alex moaned as Miles sucked harder.  
"I'll be waiting downstairs."  
Alex styled his hair and danced downstairs, sweeping Miles off his feet. He started humming 'She's So Lovely' by Scouting For Girls.  
"I love the way he bites his lip, I love the way he shakes them hips, I love the way he makes me drool, I think that he is beautiful!" He sang, nuzzling his head into Miles' neck.  
"Alex, you're such a romantic." Miles giggled, kissing Alex. "Come on, let's go."

"Here they are, 'fashionably' late again!" Jamie laughed as Miles and Alex walked through.  
And for 2 people going though the worst shit of their life, they looked stunning.  
"What took you so long?" Matt said, eyeing over the menu.  
"Busy." Miles smiled.  
"Miles thought he had a sore throat so I was checking it with my tongue." Alex sniggered, Miles playfully slapping him.  
"Carry on like this and bad things will happen Laa." Miles whispered in a threatening tone.  
"Like what?" Alex grinned.  
Miles slid his hand up Alex's leg.  
"That's not bad."  
Miles carried on, grabbing Alex's junk and squeezing tight.  
"Ok ok I won't do anything again please release your hand please Mi please." Alex gasped, finally breathing when Miles let go.  
"Can I get you all drinks?" A waitress asked, standing behind Miles.  
Jamie stood up, knowing everyone's order apart from Miles and Alex's. He reeled them off and gestured to Alex and Miles.  
"Coke will do for us." Alex smiled to the waitress. "With ice and lemon."  
"Coke?! What about a margarita Al?" Jamie said, surprised at Alex's order.  
"I'm going sober. Moving on from that shit." Alex said as Miles wrapped an arm around Alex.  
"You know I wouldn't mind you drinking on my birthday, but I think the pride I have in you for staying off the booze beats it."

Soon they were eating the main course, now on their 3rd coke, and practically having sex at the table. Miles had unzipped Alex's trousers and was stroking his hardening cock, laughing at Alex's reactions. The whole table was drunk and didn't give a flying fuck at this point.  
"Come with me birthday boy." Alex said, zipping his fly up and dragging Miles out.  
He looked around for the toilets and practically ran there. He made sure no one was in, put a sign outside saying the toilets were being cleaned and pushed Miles into the nearest stall.  
"Off. Trousers off." He commanded, pulling his own down to his ankles.  
"Al, you've got 6 minutes until we're needed for desserts."  
"Easy." Alex chuckled, flipping Miles over so he'd lean on the toilet face down as he pulled legs up to the perfect height.  
"6 minutes."  
Alex spat on Miles' ass before putting his dick in dry. Miles grunted hard and loud at Alex's cock suddenly filling him. He thrust into Miles at a steady, fast pace, finding it hard to aim to finish in the 6 minutes he had.  
"5." Miles grunted, now shaking his hand on his dick trying to get off faster.  
"Clench." Alex said, slapping Miles' ass.  
Miles clenched, making Alex moan at the sudden tight squeeze. He thrust as fast and as hard as he could, feeling Miles pulsate his ass.  
"You nearly there babe?" Alex gasped, feeling himself coming close.  
"Aye. 2 minutes then we're out of time."  
Alex gave it all he had, slapping squelching sounds filling the room. Soon they were masked by moans from both of them as they came.  
"Clean up because we gotta go." Alex commanded, pulling off some toilet roll and wiping his dick.  
"How romantic. Toilet sex on my birthday."  
"Shut up before I zip your foreskin in your fly."  
"Meanie."

They cleaned themselves up and emerged, dashing back to the table.  
"Did you go for a smoke? That was faster than you usually are." Jamie said, puzzled.  
"Wanted to get back in time." Miles smiled, looking at the dessert menu.  
"I think I'll have the red velvet cake. Miles, fancy a piece?"  
"Go on then." Miles said, smiling at Alex.  
Everyone else ordered their desserts and waited as they were prepared. Suddenly, Alex rose up, clattering a fork against his empty coke glass. He waited until he had everyone's attention, then counted to 3, singing 'Happy Birthday' to Miles. As he finished, a red velvet cake with candles spelling out 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILES'.  He wiped tear from his eye and jumped up to kiss Alex.  
"That was uncalled for." Miles whispered, sitting down.  
"It made you happy." Alex whispered back, feeling the edges of his eyes prickle as Miles smiled.  
"Overjoyed." He smiled.  
"Make a wish!" Alex chirped, rubbing Miles' hand with his thumb while holding it.  
Miles closed his eyes and blew out the candles.  
"I wish I could beat this fucking cancer." He murmured to Alex.  
"I do too." Alex sighed, kissing Miles again as everyone cheered and clapped.

The evening drew to a close, with people giving presents to him. Chocolates, picture frames, money and wine were the themes.  
"Who do we give the wine to?" Alex said, concerned about his sobriety.  
"Will you share just 1 bottle with me?" Miles begged, waving to the last people to leave.  
"70-30 to you though."  
"Better than nothing I guess."  
They drove home in the dusk, stars starting to twinkle up above.   
"What about 50-50 and I'll suck you off." Miles whined, desperate to get Alex to enjoy just a little.  
"60-40 and I'll ride the shit out of you again." Alex said, biting his lip and smiling.  
"Deal." Miles smirked, feeling himself get hard.


	31. Teddy Picker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shit." Alex whispered, inaudible to the kids.   
> "What?" Miles replied.  
> "They’re gonna want-"  
> "Sweeties!" Both Hearst and Iggy echoed as they walked outside a sweet shop.  
> "Come on you!" Miles smiled, picking Iggy up and walking in with both kids.
> 
> An unlikely occurance leaves Miles with one more burden on his mind than he'd planned to have that day, leaving him feeling very out of the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was inspired by a few conversations I've had with my friends recently. Thaks also to my loyal fan Mike who did some background stuff for this with me.

Alex rolled over in bed, now wide awake thanks to the beaming sunshine coming through the blinds.  
"Babe, look how sunny it is!" Alex hummed, snuggling into Miles' back, spooning him.  
Miles only grunted in response, far too tired from last night, his birthday night, and Alex keeping his promise.   
"Miles, we could go to the beach!"  
He sat up, shrugging off Alex and raised his arm to shield his eyes from the sun.   
"You know I was only kidding with the sex on the beach thing, right?"  
"Shame." Alex said, kissing Miles and leaving to go to the kitchen

Once he walked inside and remembered all the wine on the side, he had a stroke of genius: use up the wine in cooking. He would still be keeping his sobriety and the wine could still be theirs. Alex flicked the kettle on and got two mugs out as Miles walked in.  
"I thought we could use the wine for cooking Mi! Isn't it a good idea?"  
Miles stood glaring into space, a tear rolling down his eye.  
"Mi? What’s wrong babe?"  
"I've only got 6 months." He sighed, more tears pouring out his eyes.  
Alex hurried over and wiped them away.  
"Don’t cry babe, it's gonna be ok."  
"This is my problem. I don't deal with things. You make a huge commotion and then get on with it. Look at me now. Wasting away-"  
"No!" Alex said sternly. "You're not wasting away!"  
Miles wrapped his arms around Alex and started crying harder. Alex cradled his head into his neck, wrapping his free hand around his back.  
"You can't be sad. Not after last night. Come on. Let's go back upstairs."  
Alex pulled Miles back upstairs, leaving the kettle to go cold. Who cared anyway?

"I don’t want to go!" Miles wailed, hugging Alex in bed.  
Alex nestled his head above Miles, cradling him.  
"Shh, it'll be ok. Don't cry babe." He hummed, gently rocking Miles.  
As Miles cries got louder, Alex could feel the tears mixing with his sweat on his chest. He heard the phone ring downstairs and let it go to answer phone, not wanting to leave Miles.  
_"Hi, Alex, it's Nick. Look, I really need a favour right now. It's kind of an emergency. Call me back soon, ok?"_  
"Fucks sake. I'll go phone him. You stay here if you want." Alex sighed, getting out of bed.

Alex waited for Nick to phone back and picked up.  
"Hi, Al?"  
"Yeah."  
"Can you do me a huge favour?"  
"Sure."  
"Can you look after Hearst and Iggy for the day? Kelly's mam's had a bad fall. She's ok, but we ought to go. We can't really take the kids there though. Would you look after them?"  
"Sure, are you just gonna drop them off later?"  
"In 20 minutes if you don’t mind."  
"You'll bring toys and stuff, right?"  
"Yeah. Hearst can have fruit salad for dinner. Iggy will only want some apple slices, a chopped up banana and maybe some raspberries. Both can have spaghetti bolognaise for tea."  
Alex double checked the kitchen and replied. "That's fine."  
"Cheers Al. See you soon."  
"See Ya."

Alex ran back upstairs to tell Miles they'd be having the kids and got changed. Miles stumbled towards Alex and hugged his legs.  
"I'll miss the swagger in your walk and the way your bum twitches in tight jeans." He sobbed, Alex stroking his hair.  
Alex bent down and pulled Miles up, making him look himself in the mirror.  
"That's what I'll miss most Mi. You. Every bit of you."  
He turned around and hugged Alex.  
"Now get changed because I need to make this house childproof." Alex smirked, pecking Miles' lips and dashing downstairs.

Alex started by putting their cigarettes and booze in the top cupboard, far out of reach of the kids. Even though they'd only be here for a while, he needed to make sure that nothing bad would happen. He walked on through to the living room and hunted down every condom and bottle of lube he could find, stashing them in his room too. No sooner had he made the ground floor child friendly that the door bell rang. Miles walked down the stairs to greet them with Alex, now looking like less of a PMSing teenager.   
"I'll pick them up hopefully before 9. Naptime is 1 until they wake up and then bed at 7. Feel free to take them out. We'd usually go for a little wander on days like today."  
"Thanks Nick. Hope Kelly's mum's ok."  
Both Alex and Miles waved them off as they took the kids inside.

"Uncle Alex?" Hearst asked as he watched Alex pour his coffee.  
"Yes?" He replied in his baby voice, mimicking Hearst.  
"Can we play hide and seek?"  
"Not until you have dinner. After dinner we might go for a wander." He said, trying to sound interested.  
"Can I have a drink?" Hearst asked, watching Alex take a sip of his.  
"What's the magic word?" Alex teased, smiling.  
"Pleaseeeee!"  
Alex smiled and poured Hearst a glass of fruit juice from the fridge. He walked back through holding Miles' coffee, as well as his own, in one hand, and 2 glasses of juice in the other. A strange kids program filled the usually empty screen.  
"Nick's kids have a better life than I do." Alex joked, watching Hearst push buttons on a toy book.  
Miles was bouncing Iggy on his knees making all kinds of strange noises, making Alex stare at him.  
"You're still sane right?" He laughed, as Iggy gurgled.  
"I like kids Alex. They bring me joy." He said, carrying on talking nonsense.  
Alex shrugged and pushed himself onto the floor to join in with Hearst. As he watched, he felt an overwhelming urge to get a kid. He'd never felt it before, but now he wanted to be a dad.  
"Is that fun Hearst?" Alex smiled, smitten by the smiling face in front of him.  
He nodded and flicked the book over.  
"Will you read it to me? Pleaseee?"   
Alex smiled as Hearst sat in his lap. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.

Later on after he'd made dinner, Alex wanted to take the kids out like Nick said he could.  
"Well he left a pram but no booster seats or anything, so why don’t we just walk into town?" Miles said, leaning out the kitchen window to smoke as Alex kept an eye on the sleeping children.  
"It's a fair trek to get there." Alex sighed.  
"It's a nice walk." Miles replied.  
"We can't walk that far-"  
"Well maybe we shouldn’t have started smoking." Miles interrupted, dulling the bickering.  
Miles was the one who got Alex hooked a decade ago.  
"Fine." Alex said, looking on as Hearst woke up.

"Want to go for a walk?" He said, an involuntary high pitched tone coming out his mouth.  
Hearst nodded and smiled.  
"We'll wait for Iggy and get ready, ok?" He smiled.  
Once Iggy had woke up, they all got ready and set off, Iggy still too young to walk that far. Hearst struggled half way through but carried on fine while holding Alex's hand.  
"Back to civilisation." Miles smiled as the first few buildings came into view.

As they were walking through town, they got a few strange stares. Nobody expected to see them with kids.   
"Shit." Alex whispered, inaudible to the kids.   
"What?" Miles replied.  
"They’re gonna want-"  
"Sweeties!" Both Hearst and Iggy echoed as they walked outside a sweet shop.  
"Come on you!" Miles smiled, picking Iggy up and walking in with both kids.  
Inside the shopkeeper gave both Miles and Alex a smile. The kids pointed at various jars, smiling and drooling at the masses of confectionary.  
"I can't believe we've just spend £50 on sweets." Alex scoffed, putting the sweets in the bag on the back of the pram.  
Miles laughed as Alex took Hearst's hand and carried on walking.  
"Should we head for the park?" Miles suggested, checking his watch. "We've got 2  hours to kill before tea."  
Alex nodded as they walked on towards the park.

Once they arrived, they let the kids go and play on their own as they sat on a bench watching.  
"Hi, sorry, this fell out the pram a while back." A woman said, holding out an Iggy-sized jumper.  
"Oh, thanks." Alex said, tucking it in the pram.  
"Do you mind if I sit down a moment?" She said, putting her handbag on the floor.  
"No no, you're fine." Alex said, shuffling over with Miles.   
"Are they yours? The kids?" She asked, checking her phone.  
"No. We're babysitting for a day for a friend." Miles said, smiling.  
"I wasn't following you around, I blame Millie over there. My daughter. She wanted to catch up to you after you dropped the jumper."  
"Kids." Alex smiled.  
"Are you two together?"  
"Yeah,  we are actually. Over a year."  
 "Aww. You'd be perfect."  
"Perfect for what?" Alex said, confused.  
"Kids. I work for an adoption agency on behalf of same sex couples. You'd make perfect dads. So kind. So caring. Are you thinking of kids?"  
"It's not really an option at the moment." Miles sighed, leaning on Alex's shoulder.  
He could feel tears forming in the corner of his eyes.  
"Do you mind if I ask why? Sorry if I'm too forward."  
"Terminal illness." Miles said, feeling tears roll off his cheeks. "And I don't have a lot of time left."  
"I'm so sorry to hear that." She said, reaching around and rubbing Miles' shoulder for a moment.

"I'll be off anyway. My daughter does dancing. Hope your afternoon's ok." She smiled, waving bye.  
She beckoned her daughter over and left. Suddenly the beaming sunshine of March was turning a dark grey.  
"So much for spring." Alex choked.  
Miles sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes.   
"You ok babe?" Alex asked, wrapping his arm around Miles.  
"Same as this morning." He sobbed, rubbing his eyes. "Let's hurry up and get back before we get drenched."

They popped Iggy in the prom and dashed home, just and so missing the torrential rain.  
"That was close!" Alex said, sorting out Iggy and Hearst's shoes and jumpers. "Now who wants spaghetti bolognaise!" He smiled, walking through to the kitchen.

As he cooked, he made silly faces at Hearst and Iggy, making them giggle. Miles stood just outside the front door as he smoked, desperate to go to bed and sleep the rest of the day.  
He served the spaghetti bolognaise in the shape of a smiley face, with peppers and tomatoes in the shape of the face with the spaghetti for hair and sauce for the face. Miles came through and ate with them, but quickly finished.  
"I'm going to bed for a while." Miles said, pushing his chair in and leaving.  
"Uncle Alex?" Hearst said.  
"Yes?"  
"Why is uncle Miles really upset and tired?"  
"Uncle Miles is really, really sick. Don't worry, you can't catch it like a cold. He's just really sick. He's so sick that one day he'll have to go to sleep forever. He'll not be able to walk around or do anything because he'll never wake up."  
"So will he be like granddad?" Hearst said, eating more.  
"Yes. Just like your granddad."  
"What will you do when he goes to sleep forever?"  
"I might go to sleep forever too."  
"Why do you have to go to sleep forever?"  
"Because I really love Miles, and sometimes when you really love someone who goes to sleep forever, you want to go to sleep forever with them."  
"Ok." Hearst said, finishing off his spaghetti.  
Iggy soon finished and ran through to the living room with Hearst.

"Nicely handled." Miles said, arms folded like a shadowy figure just and so in the shade of the light.  
"I guess you just have to be honest with kids." Alex replied.  
Miles walked forwards and closed the door. "Still fixed on suicide after I'm gone?"  
Alex nodded, taking the plates to the sink.  
"So kids is definitely a no." Miles sighed, wiping a tear from his face. "Can’t just leave them without a dad."  
"You know I can't function without you. My mind goes bonkers."  
Miles chuckled.  
"How about later. After Nick's took them back home. I'll run a bath. We can just relax."  
"I like that." Miles smiled, walking over to Alex and hugging him. "Now let's get these lot to sleep."

They walked through to the living room to find them both snuggled on the sofa waiting to be tucked in.  
"Ready for sleep?" Alex smiled, tucking them in more.  
They both nodded.  
"Uncle Alex? Will you sing us a lullaby?"  
"Sure." He smiled.   
He thought for a minute and started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, repeating it softly until both were fast asleep.  
"Sing me to sleep like that Al."  
"What? Little lullabies for little baby Miles." Alex joked, playing with Miles' cheeks.  
"More like Asleep by the Smiths." He sighed, walking to the kitchen.  
"Dark." Alex echoed, following him.  
Miles got 2 wine glasses and one of the bottles of wine.  
"No. I'm staying off it." Alex said, pushing the glass away.  
"Fuck off Alex. Have some."  
"Yeah, but when does some turn into drinking bottles of vodka on the floor?"  
"Just a glass. Please." Miles begged, pouring wine into his glass.  
Alex snatched it off the side, smiling at Miles sarcastically. He had a sip as the doorbell rang.

"Nick! How's her mam?"  
"Doing ok. Just a sprained wrist and some bruises and cuts."  
"They’re asleep on the sofa." Alex said, walking through to pack up the stuff.  
"Is it fun? Having kids?" Miles said, stood on the stairs but hidden in the shade.  
"Yeah I guess. Makes me feel happy anyway."  
Alex helped carry the kids to the car, trying to keep them asleep, and dumped the toys and pram in the boot.  
"Thanks for today Al."  
"No problem Nick." He smiled, waving at Kerry getting back in the car.  
"Here. On me. It was Kerry's parent's, but they're not wanting it anymore."  
Nick gave Alex a picture of a canoe from the local boat company on their lake.  
"You really don't have to-"  
"Just take it. You'd be doing us all a favour."   
"Ok." Alex said, shrugging. "Drive safe."  
Nick went and got back in the car and drove off.

"Fancy making that bubble bath?" Alex said, walking up to the bedroom.  
Miles was sat on the end of the bed facing away.  
_Say it Miles. Say it. For God's sake Miles, turn around and say it!_  
"Miles?" Alex said, walking in towards Miles.  
"I thought this day would come." Miles said, wiping another tear from his eye.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I've got something important to tell you."


	32. This House Is A Circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miles pushed Alex back off as he dashed back through to the hall area. Miles stood at the foot of the stairs as Alex stood by the kitchen door. The tension in the room heightened as Alex grabbed a spatula from just inside the kitchen, and Miles the wireless phone charging on the desk.  
> "Why are we fighting?" Alex asked, waving his spatula and pacing around to the side near the large mirror adorning the hall wall, and the living room door.  
> "Because you don't know when to keep out of my business!"
> 
> Alex didn't like the way Miles pushed him away, leading to the situation becoming escalated. But what was it that He wanted to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the nature of their behaviour. Also mild trigger warning. Did you have a heart? Oops. Pulled it out, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Enjoy.

_"Fancy making that bubble bath?" Alex said, walking up to the bedroom.  
_ _Miles was sat on the end of the bed facing away.  
_ _Say it Miles. Say it. For God's sake Miles, turn around and say it!  
_ _"Miles?" Alex said, walking in towards Miles.  
_ _"I thought this day would come." Miles said, wiping another tear from his eye.  
_ _"What do you mean?"  
_ _"I've got something important to tell you."_  

"What's wrong Mi?" Alex asked, wrapping his arm around Miles and sitting with him on the bed.  
"Same as this morning." Miles sighed, shrugging off Alex’s arm.  
"Sure?"  
"Just leave me alone." He said, standing up to get ready for bed.  
"No bubble bath?" Alex asked, getting changed as well.  
"No."

As they got into bed, Alex rolled over, trying to wrap his arms around Miles.  
"Fuck off." Miles said, pushing Alex's arms off.  
"What's wrong? Why won't you talk to me? You seemed fine just a minute ago-" He said, sitting up.  
"It's nothing."  
"Are you sure it's nothing?"  
"It's nothing!" Miles said, jumping out of bed.  
Alex swung around and turned on the bedside lamp.  
"Well it's clearly fucking something."  
"None of your business." Miles snapped.  
"I thought being married made me part of your business? I thought I was supposed to be your life and-"  
"Would you fuck off?!"  
"Guess I'll go sleep on the sofa then." Alex sighed, grabbing a blanket and walking out, leaving the door.  
Miles paced over and slammed it shut, making Alex jump.  
_"This isn't normal. What's gotten into him?"_ Alex asked himself.

He tossed his blanket on the sofa and walked through to the kitchen. Not for wine, just for a glass of juice. Summer fruits juice. Miles heard the kitchen door and the glass before running down. No chance Alex was secretly drinking. He dashed down the stairs and straight into the kitchen, glaring at Alex.  
"What’s that?!" He snapped.  
"Juice." Alex smiled.  
Miles snatched the glass out his hand and tasted it. No alcohol.  
"What happened to trusting me for once?" Alex said, drinking another mouthful.  
"Why do you have to be so petty?"  
"Fine, I'll play by your rules." Alex said, grabbing the already opened bottle of wine and pouring a large glass, drinking it in one go.  
Miles' face turned as red as the wine as he lost his patience. He grabbed the bottle and started pouring it down Alex.  
"I thought you wanted to waste it all in cooking." Miles snarled.  
"I was staying sober like YOU wanted!"  
Suddenly he swung his arm, slapping Alex hard across the cheek. He looked up at Miles in shock.  
" _What happened? Did I do something today?"_ Alex questioned himself.  
"What the-" Alex gasped.  
But before he could finish his sentence, Miles kicked him to the ground. Alex bounced back up, grabbing Miles' shoulders and thrusting him into the cupboards.  
"What are you doing?!" Alex asked, desperate to get an answer.

Miles pushed Alex back off as he dashed back through to the hall area. Miles stood at the foot of the stairs as Alex stood by the kitchen door. The tension in the room heightened as Alex grabbed a spatula from just inside the kitchen, and Miles the wireless phone charging on the desk.  
"Why are we fighting?" Alex asked, waving his spatula and pacing around to the side near the large mirror adorning the hall wall, and the living room door.  
"Because you don't know when to keep out of my business!"

"For fucks sake Miles, I just want to help! You're pushing me out. Why? Why are you pushing me out?"  
Miles couldn't think of a good enough reply and just threw the phone in his hand towards Alex. However, in the dark, Miles' judgement was off, and the phone clattered into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces that flittered down slowly, remind Alex of the time he had to shave Miles' head. Alex threw  the spatula at Miles, hitting  him straight in the shoulder.  
"THAT WAS A FAMILY HEIRLOOM!" Alex screamed, grabbing the phone and throwing it back at Miles.  
"I DON'T CARE YOU CUNT! ROLL IN THE SHARDS FOR ALL I CARE!" He yelled back, dashing upstairs.  
Alex went around the broken glass, chasing Miles up and banging on his door. His heavy hand due to his rage smashed a hole in the wood, leaving splinters in his arm.  
"Rot in hell." Alex snarled, kicking the door and stomping back downstairs.

Alex went back through to the  kitchen, grabbing the nearly empty wine and taking it to the living room. He smashed the bottle on the fire grate and searched the shards for a good enough chunk to cut himself with. Not deep, just a little. If Miles was this mad at him, he'd clearly done something wrong. He rolled his sleeve up and scratched the surface, allowing little beads to form along the line. He'd lost track of how many he had done when he heard a knock at the door.  
"Alex? Miles? Are you ok?"  
Jamie.

Alex stood up, rolling his sleeve down and walking around the glass to the corridor leading to the front door. He unlocked and opened it, seeing a very soaked, tired Jamie.  
"I was worried sick when I picked up the phone."  
"What?" Alex said, utterly confused.  
"Well someone dialled my mobile and woke me up, then there was a loud crash and a shatter and you and Miles shouting."  
"Come on in. Might need a hand cleaning up this mess."

Alex led Jamie in, turning the hall light on. It was now Alex could see the damage to his mirror. The frame had snapped on the bottom and the glass had completely shattered.  
"Well that explains it." Jamie said, walking around to the phone lying on the ground.  
"Shit. Miles must have pressed something before he threw it."  
"What’s going on? You're drenched in wine and your arm Alex!? What happened?"  
"Me and Miles had a fight. That's all."  
"Alex, there's fights, and there's fucking domestics."  
"What's going on?" Miles shouted from his room.  
"You must have accidently called Jamie when you ruined my fucking mirror." Alex shouted back, walking through to the living room and slamming the door.  
"Shit." Jamie said, realising he'd practically walked into a warzone.

"Right. Both of you. Come down into the living room Miles, and you can both talk this out."  
Miles reluctantly opened the door and slammed it closed. He walked down the stairs and around the shattered mirror, and into the living room. Alex sat on one side of the room as Miles dragged his across further away from Alex's.  
"Right. Alex. Why are you angry."  
"Because Mr. Twatface over there-"  
"Behave or I'll just fucking call the police to sort this out."  
"Because Miles won't tell me what's going on."  
"Anything else?"  
"He got mad at me for drinking wine."  
"Why did you throw the spatula?"  
"Because he threw the phone."  
"Why did you punch the door?"  
"He broke my mirror."  
"And why did you cut yourself?"  
"Attention seeking prick." Miles whispered.  
Jamie walked over as Alex sighed. Of course everyone in the room heard.

"Listen here. Both of you could be put behind bars for things you've done. Don't act like your Mr. Perfect. Both of you are at fault. I would gladly call the police and have them come around and sort this as I go home to my pissed off wife and my screaming baby son who are awake because you rang me. Would you prefer for me to do that or should we carry on?"  
Neither said a word.  
"Now Alex, why did you cut yourself."  
"Because I figured if Miles was angry at me I must have done something wrong and therefore should have been punished."  
"And why did you drink the wine in the first place."  
"Miles didn't trust me and I wanted to have a drink."  
Miles shed a tear. He didn't want this to happen.

"Now onto you Miles. Why did you throw the phone?"  
No answer.  
"Why did you pour wine on him?"  
No answer.  
"Why did you slap Alex?"  
No answer.  
"Why are you angry?"  
"It’s in the brain." Miles murmured, nails digging into the arms of the chair.  
Suddenly the room felt like an interrogation chamber.  
"What is?" Jamie said, sitting down next to Miles.  
Alex suddenly jerked his head up from bowing it in shame.  
"They think the cancer's spread to my brain."  
Alex gasped, jumping up from his chair and dashing over. Jamie stopped him, pushing him back onto the sofa.  
"Let him finish Alex. Is that why you're angry?"  
Miles nodded, more tears coming down from his eyes. "They haven't confirmed it yet because they're not sure. I've got a scan next week. They were just looking over my last results and found an abnormality in my brain. I got a migraine this morning and thought it was the end. I've been bloody terrified." Miles continued, starting to cry harder, choking on his words. "I threw the phone at Alex because I didn't want to confront him. I poured wine on him because I didn't want it either. I slapped him because I thought he was better than that, and I'm angry because I'm terrified that I'm moments from death."  
Jamie and Miles looked over at Alex who looked like a rabbit caught in headlights. Eyes glassy and dripping tears. His mouth agape and twitching slightly, a tiny bead of red stained drool dribbling from his bottom lip.  
"Oh Miles." He whispered, barely able to make a sound.  
He pulled himself off the sofa and dived onto Miles' body.  
Both were just a crying mess as they hugged each other.  
"Now if I clean up are you two going to be ok?"  
Even Jamie didn't have a dry eye.

He  went through and swept up the broken glass and mirror; vacuuming up the bits left in the carpet. Miles and Alex were still hugging in the living room as he went to empty the bin.  
"Fuck. This could be the end." He said to himself, wiping the kitchen side and floor.

"Miles?" Alex said, pulling his head away from Miles' side, still connected  by strings of saliva.  
"Yeah?" He replied, his voice breaking.  
"I'm sorry for what I did."  
"I'm sorry for not telling you and breaking your mirror." He sobbed, cradling Alex's head.  
"Can we just sleep on the sofa?" Alex asked, his hands still shaking.  
Miles nodded, rubbing his eyes. They both moved to the sofa and wrapped themselves up, still crying. It had suddenly just hit how real this was.

Jamie walked back through to check on them and saw them on the sofa.  
"Am I alright to go?" He asked, yawning.  
Miles nodded, pointing to the light and then signalling him to turn it off. Jamie flicked the switch and closed the door, leaving them alone. He went out the front door, locking it and posting the keys back.

"God bloody help them. Fucking hell somebody save them." Jamie said, getting into his car and wiping another tear.  
He pulled away from the drive, still yawning, and pulled onto the main road. He knew he shouldn't be driving in this state, but he needed to get back to his wife and son. Headlights and street lamps could only do so much to keep him awake; he even turned the radio up to help. But as he looked back up, only then could he hear the screaming horn of the oncoming head on car.


	33. What If You Were Right The First Time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know what happened?" Katie said, sitting up as they entered.  
> Everyone there stared at them. Jamie's family. Nick, his wife and their kids. Matt even showed up.  
> "No idea. We were busy having some adult fun last night and today and we didn't hear our phones this morning." Miles said, covering up their alibi.   
> "Alright." Katie said, laying her head back next to Jamie as the tension in the room dissipated.
> 
> Miles and Alex go to the hospital to see the aftermath of the night before, and what is really going on inside Miles' head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another instalment. Thought I'd be kind. Enjoy.

"I've phoned both their mobiles and their landline. Nothing." Nick sighed, putting his phone down.  
"Maybe they're not at home?" Katie asked, stroking Jamie's hair back.  
"They have to be. They looked after my kids yesterday."  
"And not a word from Matt?"  
"Nope."  
Katie bowed her head down onto Jamie's pillow. _Why did he have to crash in the middle of nowhere at 1am?_ At least he wasn't critical; just a bit broke.  
"Tough Cookie." She smiled, kissing his cheek.

_Meanwhile at Miles and Alex's house…_

The sun beamed into the house, revealing the remains of last night's row. A broken mirror. A broken door. A broken bottle. _A broken Miles_. Alex was the first to wake up, watching how the sun turned Miles face from peach to gold. Ripples of water from last night's rain mottled the colour, making him look even more dreamy. He smiled, momentarily forgetting the reality of Miles' condition.   
"My handsome husband." Alex whispered, kissing Miles.  
He reciprocated, moving his hand up Alex's back.   
"My pretty boy." Miles whispered as Alex smiled and kissed him again.

Just around the corner of the living room the landline lay on the table depleted of its battery. Both Miles and Alex's mobiles were lying on their bedside tables, screens illuminating the room, completely useless as communication to them both.

"Al, I was wondering," Miles murmured, looking down at Alex's face. "It's been a wild few weeks without much of us."  
Alex looked up at Miles with his puppy dog eyes.  
"Tonight, will you do it to me again? Make me see stars?" He smiled, kissing Alex.  
"Of course babe." He replied, pushing himself up towards Miles.  
"I'll go get dressed. Big scan day today after all." Miles said, getting up off the sofa.  
Alex grabbed Miles' wrist before he could walk too far away and swung him around, wrapping his arm around his back.  
"I hope it's nothing. I hope it's not a tumour."  
"If it isn’t a tumour, I'll let you use the belt and the velvet blindfold."  
"This better not be a tumour then." Alex begged, pointing his head up.

As Miles walked into the room, both their phones were lit up.  
"Alex?! Come look at this!" Miles shouted, shortly followed by Alex bounding in.  
30-something missed calls _each_.  
"Christ, what's going on?" Alex said, checking his watch.  
"Get dressed. Now. It's Jamie." Miles said, dropping his phone on the bed and grabbing the nearest thing on the floor that was suitable to leave the house in.  
Alex obeyed, grabbing a t shirt, a crumpled pair of trousers and one of Miles' turtlenecks.  
"I'll drive." Alex said.

Once they got there, Nick led them to Jamie's room.  
"He's not doing too bad but he hasn't come around yet." Nick said.  
In the room Katie was still sat leaning on Jamie's pillow as Forrest played with some bricks in the corner.  
"Do you know what happened?" Katie said, sitting up as they entered.  
Everyone there stared at them. Jamie's family. Nick, his wife and their kids. Matt even showed up.  
"No idea. We were busy having some adult fun last night and today and we didn't hear our phones this morning." Miles said, covering up their alibi.   
"Alright." Katie said, laying her head back next to Jamie as the tension in the room dissipated.

They all awkwardly sat in Jamie's room, nervous as to what would happen next. Time passed by eerily fast, and when Jamie made no sign of improvement, Alex and Miles felt uncomfortable to leave. The last to arrive and the first to leave would seem a little fishy.  
"Nick," Alex said, walking to Nick and whispering. "Miles has a scan and we've got to go, ok?"  
Nick nodded and gestured to Matt that they were going. Once in the corridor, Miles and Alex could talk out loud, instead of subtle texts every few minutes.  
"There's more life in a dead cat than in that room." Miles said as they stepped into the lift.  
"Aye. I mean, it’s a shame about Jamie and all, but Christ I could do with less doom and gloom."

Once they got to the ward, they were greeted by a different, friendly doctor. The gloomy place seemed to have an atmosphere of calm and peace instead of tension and broken hearts.   
"My name's Dr Nelson. Miles, is it?"  She asked, smiling and shaking his hand.  
"Yeah. Are you new?"  
"Just transferred. Would you like to follow me then chaps?"

She led them through to the scanning room and let Miles in. Alex sat in the control room with Dr Nelson and another technician.  
"You're the singers, right?" She asked, fiddling with switches like Victor Frankenstein.  
"Yeah we are."  
"Guess it wouldn't come as a shock to know I'm a fan then?"  
Alex chuckled a little.  
"Seriously. I've seen you twice."  
Alex looked down smiling slightly. "Thanks." He shrugged awkwardly.  
She fiddled with more switches as she eyed the screen carefully.  
"You're allowed to stand up and watch 'im." She said, moving the scanner back to his head.  
Alex stood up, putting Miles' clothes down and watched as Miles went in and out of the machine.  
He pressed his forehead against the glass and whispered to himself "Please don't fucking have brain cancer."  
She moved the scanner off his head, taking notes in impressively neat handwriting.  
"Where are you from, exactly?" Alex asked, not noticing his hand creeping up on the glass.  
"London. I worked at Great Ormond Street Hospital for a decade."  
"What made you come here?" Alex asked, turning to face her.  
"I couldn't watch innocent, little kids fight this. I needed a break from watching kids spend the best years of their lives stuck on a hospital bed. I still work with special cases like your husband here, but I'm taking a break from kids." She sighed, pausing momentarily before checking the screen and pressing more buttons.  
Alex took a moment before replying. "Isn't it too late for Miles now anyway?"  
"Well," She said, a small hint of hope in her voice. "I've got a plan."

Miles put his clothes back on and sat in the room with Alex, waiting for the results. Dr Nelson came back in with a folder and some leaflets. Alex felt Miles' grip tighten as they both had the same thought.   
_This could be it._  
"First things first. The abnormality in your brain."  
"Yeah?" Miles asked, gripping Alex's hand so tight his knuckled turned white.  
He felt as if he was going to be sick.  
"I don't quite know what it was but it's not there anymore. Probably a fluid build up that's already been sorted. So there's nothing to worry about there."  
"Thank fuck." Miles said, breathing a deep sigh of relief.  
"And it looks like your cancer has done something we weren't really expecting."  
"Oh." Miles said, slouching down in his chair.  
"What I was going to say is the tumours have changed from incurable to potentially reversible."  
Both Miles and Alex looked up in awe, jaws swinging.  
"There's an experimental treatment for rare forms of cancer. And congratulations, you qualify"   
"When do I start?!" Miles said, jumping up.  
"We have to talk about this for a while. It could be as simple as a onetime injection."  
"Could be?" Alex said, wrapping his hand tighter around Miles' and pulling him back down again.  
"Well it will either cure you-"  
"Or kill you." Alex sighed.  
"Exactly." She said. "However, we can take some samples and send them off to be tested on. See if it works as intended."  
"And if it works?"  
"We give you the full dose, keep you monitored, and you should be cancer free for the rest of your life."  
Miles looked up smiling. Tears of happiness ran from his eyes, as well as Alex's. For the first time in too long, they had hope.

After they booked an operation for Miles to have tissues removed for testing, they went back to see Jamie.  
"How is he doing?" Alex asked, still smiling uncontrollably.  
"He's drowsy. Came to a couple of times, but the anaesthetic is keeping him under." Katie said, smiling back.  
"But ok?" Miles chirped, smiling like a Cheshire cat.  
"Yeah. Are you two ok?"  
Alex was the first to speak, spilling out everything the doctor had said.  
"So you might actually be ok?" Matt said, smiling.  
Miles nodded. Everyone came over to hug him, including Katie. He even walked over to give Jamie a hug, who surprisingly enough hugged him back slightly.  
"We're going to head off. Spend some more time having fun." Miles said, grabbing Alex's collar and kissing his cheek.

Miles and Alex laid side by side in bed, too excited and anxious to do anything.  
"No velvet blindfold? Or belt?" Miles asked, closing the distance to Alex.  
"Tomorrow. I promise you." Alex said.  
"Penny for your thoughts?" Miles asked, stroking the back of Alex's head.  
Alex sighed, leaving a long pause.  
"Jamie."  
"Surprise, surprise."  
"But not how you think."  
"Explain."  
"Well, we used to go out. Way back when we first made the band. I remember him feeling bad for me after everyone had girlfriends and were in relationships while I was the only gay in the school. He asked me if I wanted to have a fling with him. Obviously he made it clear he didn't think he was gay but we still went out all the same."  
"You had feelings for him, didn't you?" Miles asked, brushing the hair out of Alex's face.  
"Yep. And he had none for me."  
"Well how did it end?"  
"Well after we dated for a couple of months, Jamie suggested a four way with all of us in the band, you know, to make me feel better. Back when sex was all that mattered."  
"You had a foursome with the band and I wasn't invited?! Shock! Horror!" Miles laughed sarcastically, making Alex playfully slap him.  
"Anyway, it was really awkward. Like we all got really drunk and then had it, and once we finished they all left. I was just home alone, drunk, half asleep and covered in cum. Hell, when mam came home she thought I'd been date raped or something. We didn't even speak to each other for at least 2 weeks. And the first time I did talk to someone, it was Jamie saying he wanted to end things. No more feelings at all."  
"Fucking hell. Arctic Monkeys gone wild."  
Alex sighed, rolling onto his back.  
"You really enjoyed it didn't you."  
"Yep. And that's what scared them off. They didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I did. The things I said were just cringe worthy."  
"And Jamie?"  
"I still had feelings for him. I still do to some extent, but nowhere near as much as I do for you."

"You know Alex, even if things are awkward or can't work, if Jamie could make you feel happy and I don't live-"  
"Please don't talk about this." Alex said, slapping his hands onto his face and rubbing his eyes.  
"I just want you to know that if I die, I wouldn't be mad at you seeing someone else. Please do, in fact."  
"I'd rather not replace you."  
"Just keep living though. You've got life. I don't-"  
"You've got the treatment. If it works, great. If it doesn't, I'm going down with you."

"Tomorrow you will though, right?"  
"I will what?"  
"Use the belt and the blindfold?"  
"Oh yeah, sure." Alex smiled, nuzzling his face into Miles' neck.


	34. Aviation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was thinking of tying you to the bed, spreading you out like a little slut and tying both the belt and the blindfold tight around you." Alex smirked, grabbing onto Miles' hand and pulling it high above his head, making Miles rise onto his tiptoes.  
> He almost went weak at the knees thinking about Alex's dark intentions.
> 
> It's about time that Miles let Alex get his side of the bet now Miles' life seems to be getting easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I THINK EVERYONE NEEDED THIS. YOU'RE WELCOME.

"Jamie's woken up? Oh that's fantastic!" Alex said over his mobile while leaning on the edge of the bed.  
_"Will you come?"_ Katie asked, pleading with Alex.  
He nudged around slightly to look at Miles still in bed. Miles shook his head.  
"We can't sorry. Miles is a bit under the weather."  
_"Oh ok. Maybe tomorrow?"_  
"Sure." Alex smiled. "See ya!"

"And how is sir today?" Alex said sarcastically, pouting.  
"After the news yesterday, I am, and dare I say it, feeling optimistic."  
Alex jokingly stood up, flourishing his arms around like a stereotypical camp gay. "Oh! Sir is optimistic! Whatever shall we do?!"  
Miles threw a pillow at Alex, laughing. Alex ran around the bed to Miles' side and jumped on top, spreading his legs and pinning Miles down under the duvet. He kissed Miles' jaw, sucking the skin and moving to his lips.  
"Perhaps sir would like a cup of coffee?" He chuckled, kissing Miles some more before jumping off.  
"What’s with the sudden spring in your step?"  
"My husband might actually live!" He chimed, swinging out the door and to the kitchen in his favourite silk robe.

Alex tuned the radio in the kitchen and started making coffee. Miles soon walked in, watching Alex sway his hips and badly lip sync to the song playing. He walked over and wrapped his hands around Alex's waist, pulling them closer.  
"Now now, I'm saving myself for tonight. A promise is a promise."  
Miles' head went swimming in thoughts of being completely lost in Alex's arms.  
"I was thinking of tying you to the bed, spreading you out like a little slut and tying both the belt and the blindfold tight around you." Alex smirked, grabbing onto Miles' hand and pulling it high above his head, making Miles rise onto his tiptoes.  
He almost went weak at the knees thinking about Alex's dark intentions.

Once Alex made the coffee, they both walked through into the living room. He put both mugs down and knelt by the fire as Miles took his place at the sofa. Alex sat next to him as Miles nuzzled his head into Alex's shoulder, leaning closer until both him and Alex were practically laying down.   
"California." Miles said.  
"What about California?" Alex asked, looking down at Miles while wrapping his arm around his back, gently stroking his hair.  
"I'd love to go to California. Preferably on a honeymoon."   
"Shame, I think everyone's married." Alex laughed, gently rolling Miles from on his side to in front of him, facing him on the sofa.  
"With you." Miles smiled. "Before I die."  
"Then let's hope you don't die soon then."  
"Do you really think this magic treatment is actually going to work though? Like how do we know they didn't just say I was eligible to get it to give me a false sense of hope?"  
"Because this treatment is really fucking expensive and they wouldn't offer it to you if they thought you didn't stand a chance."

Miles smiled and closed his eyes.  
"What do you think California would be like?" Miles whispered, his voice breaking the silence.  
Alex kissed Miles.  
"Probably like that but for longer." He smiled.  
Miles wrapped a hand around Alex's head, dragging his head towards him, sending their lips crashing together again. Alex snaked a hand around Miles' wrists, pulling them behind his head. Miles very rarely had the chance to be submissive to Alex, but every time he was he loved it. Alex hooked his leg over Miles', pulling his body even closer.  
"Would you prefer me to be soft and sensual with you or rough and brutal?"  
Miles tried to picture both scenarios in his head but just felt lost as Alex's breathing and heartbeat made his own flutter.  
"Soft and sensual. I hardly ever see that side of you."  
Alex pulled away slightly, tilting Miles' chin up gently as he barely kissed the skin draped perfectly along his jaw. He tilted their heads back down and fluttered his eyelashes against Miles' cheek. Miles drew in breath ready to speak but was silenced by a gentle finger against his lips and a soft 'Shh'.  
_How long has he hid this side of him?_

Alex gently caressed his way down Miles' chest, untying both their dressing gowns.  
"Wanna go upstairs babe?" Alex whispered, Miles practically inhaling his words due to the lack of space between them.  
"Yes." He breathed, wrapping his arms around Alex.  
Alex climbed off the sofa and finished his coffee, grabbing Miles and making his way upstairs.

He laid Miles out on the bed and started rummaging through various draws. He dug out the velvet blindfold and took the belt of  the last trousers he wore out and put them on the bed.  
"Do you need rope?" Miles asked, sitting up slightly.  
Alex pulled the silk from around his dressing gown to use as rope. As he dashed around the room, the back of his dressing gown floated behind him like a cape. Miles watched, awestruck, as he closed the blackout blind, chucked some a bottle of lube and a tiny vial of oil on the bed and fumbled around for a lighter. Moving back around the room, he lit two large, red, sweet smelling candles.  
"Absolute romantic." Miles smiled as Alex stood at the foot of the bed.  
"Off. Take it off." He commanded, still in a soothing tone.  
Miles obeyed, tossing his dressing gown to the side. Alex took his off, letting it slide off his shoulders as his shadow was cast across the wall behind Miles. He swiftly climbed onto the bed, wrapping the belt over his neck and grabbing the silk and velvet.

"Tight or not so tight? Alex smiled, moving so his crotch rested on Miles' upper thighs.  
"Tight enough." Miles said, resting his head back and closing his eyes.  
Alex leaned over, tying his hands to the headboard. As he moved on to Miles' blindfold, he was struck by how angelic Miles' face looked with the dim amber light shining onto him. He sat back, watching his chest rise and his nostrils flare.  
"Well?"  
"You look so…unbelievably perfect." Alex said, lost for words.  
He suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable to Miles. He tried to hide how soft he was for fear of never being as cool as Miles was.  
"I married a femme." Miles sighed jokingly, letting his head roll back.  
Alex joined in with a chuckle, watching as Miles' ribs rolled as he laughed.  
"What's wrong with a femme?!" Alex smiled, leaning forwards to kiss him. "Any man is allowed to be feminine sometimes."  
Miles smiled, kissing Alex back.

Alex felt a strange urge to just blurt out his mind to Miles, carelessly exposing himself in between sloppy kisses.  
_"I'm exposed - to you Miles - you just - crack me open - like a beer - frothing up emotions - I'm not tough - I'm soft - I light candles - I cry after sex - I like being the sub - I like - when you take over - I love you - so much - and now I'm - I can't hold back - call me femme - I love you too much - to say no."_

Once Alex had finished talking he took the velvet and wrapped it around Miles' eyes, still not breaking away from the kiss, or moving up onto Miles' crotch.  
"Wait." Miles whispered, grabbing Alex' attention.  
"Let me fuck you." He begged, desperate to use his hands and wrap them around Alex. "Please."  
"Of course." Alex whispered, his voice like smooth caramel sliding out his mouth.  
As Alex pulled the belt around Miles' neck, Miles shook his head.   
"Just this." He whispered.  
Alex cast the belt aside and slid up Miles' thighs a little, teasing him. While sat upright he grabbed the oil and dripped some onto Miles' chest, rubbing it in. He dribbled some down himself, rubbing it in with Miles' chest.

After massaging the oil between them by Alex rubbing himself against Miles while running his hands through his hair, Alex was almost ready to start. He moved further up Miles' legs until his ass was perfectly above Miles' crotch. He knelt up slightly and moved Miles' dick to behind him.  
"How much do you want me?" Alex asked seductively, slowly grinding on Miles.  
"More than life." He replied, barely able to tell when Alex's face was next to his or not.  
Alex rested back down onto Miles' chest again, sliding his hands up to interlock fingers with Miles. He pressed his forehead onto Miles', silently begging for Miles to take the reins. Even though this was supposed to be Alex's time, he just wanted Miles to caress his body. As he kissed Miles again, exchanging hot breath, Miles finally said it.  
_"Untie me."_

In a heartbeat Alex pulled the silk off from Miles' wrists. He took the blindfold off himself and took in Alex's gleaming muscular chest.  
"Femme." Miles said, grabbing Alex's hair and making him gasp.  
He pulled Alex's face down onto his own.  
"The most beautiful femme in the universe is just sat here waiting to be fucked. Mine." Miles whispered, grabbing the lube and dripping it onto his now free hands.  
Alex grabbed the lube from Miles and put some on his fingers, rubbing around his ass and pushing two fingers inside.  
"Fuck me." Alex whispered, resting his head onto Miles' collarbone.  
Miles rubbed his dick then rubbed it against Alex before slowly easing inside.  
"You're in control." Miles whispered into Alex's ear.

Alex closed his eyes and sank down onto Miles, mouth open slightly as he made it all the way. His back arched and his hair hung down, making for an interesting shadow.  
"The most perfect shadow puppet." Miles smiled, rubbing the oil from his chest onto Alex's thighs.  
"Rock me." Alex smiled, his voice sounding slightly raspy.  
Miles obeyed, gently rocking his groin, and therefore Alex, backwards and forwards. His pace was slow enough to make Alex want to speed up, but fast enough to keep him quiet.  
"I swear you've got bigger Miles." Alex gasped as Miles changed to thrusting ever so slightly.  
Miles smirked, thrusting hard. Alex let out a few grunts before Miles slowed down again.

"Tie me up." Alex begged, watching Miles grab the silk.  
He tied Alex's hands together and watched as he pulled his hands behind his back.  
"Now put your legs through it." He asked, knowing it would force Miles' dick to push hard into his prostate.   
Miles struggled to get his legs through, but with a little help from Alex he managed it. Now Alex just nervously waited for the courage to let Miles fill him up completely, knowing he'd be stuck as Miles fucked him. Miles grabbed Alex's hips and started pulling him forwards, watching as Alex's chest moved and his arched back became tensed. Alex let a few whimpering moans escape as he bit his lip waiting for the pleasure to hit.

"I'm ready." He moaned. "Fuck me."  
Miles was apprehensive to let Alex have what he wanted so easily, so he decided to play dirty. He bucked his hips and bent his knees into a mountain shape, letting Alex's shoulders relax as his hands slid up. The reaction of Alex sliding straight onto his prostate was what really got Miles. _Alex screamed my name_. Alex's breath felt laboured as his hips were dying for more action. Miles then flattened his legs again, pulling Alex backwards. Alex could barely breathe as the pleasure became more intense.

"More! Fuuuuuck Miles, gimmie more!" Alex begged as Miles started thrusting harder into him.  
Alex couldn't believe how amazing this felt and he was sure he'd be cumming in no time if Miles carried on like this any longer. But Miles wanted to play dirty. He wrapped his hand around Alex's throbbing dick and rubbed circles onto the tip, massaging the precum into a tiny flower shape. He felt the pleasure in his own dick begin to go wild as he was almost ready to cum too.  
"Fuck Miles I think I'm gonna…I'm gonna…I'm gonna…" Alex trailed off, gasping for air.  
He pumped his hand a few times before grabbing onto his base hard, stopping him from cumming.  
"P…Ple…eee…eas…eee…" Alex begged, feeling almost sick as he ached to fall onto Miles.  
Suddenly, Alex's prayer was answered as the silk came undone and he collapsed with force onto Miles, digging his nails in and biting onto his neck. Miles let go of his dick, moving his hands up to guide Alex's head. He snatched a few kisses off Alex, but his head slid back down, biting on the same spot and sucking hard.

Alex felt the hairs on his spine and neck stand on end as he felt the pleasure surge out of him, making a mess all over Miles and the bed. Miles soon came in Alex, spurring Alex on to cum again. Miles tried to grab Alex to pull him back over to his lips, unable to get him to move. Instead he settled on rolling on his side, looking at Alex.  
"M…Miles?" Alex murmured, barely able to speak.  
Miles wrapped his arms around Alex, watching first how his eyes rolled back into his head as his whole body shook.

"I won't l…l…let you d…die. Not w…when you can fuck me tha…that good." He mumbled, stumbling over words as his mind failed to make much sense.  
Alex tried to tilt his head up to Miles to kiss him but Miles beat him to it. A sly tear rolled out of his eye and onto the pillow.  
"Tha' was fuckin' amazin'." Alex breathed, clinging onto Miles.  
"Shh." Miles spoke, calming Alex slightly.  
"I love you s…so much." Alex smiled, trying to kiss Miles again.  
Miles pushed himself up and onto Alex, letting him kiss him. He moved his leg in between Alex's shaking ones, steadying himself for Alex.

"Now I wasn't expecting that." Miles smiled, wrapping his arms around Alex again and pulling him in.  
"Neither was I." Alex said sleepily, curling up onto Miles and using his chest as a pillow.  
"Come on its only 12!" Miles said, trying to move.  
"Fuck everything else." Alex said, pulling Miles back in. "God I love you."  
"I love you too babe." Miles smiled, giving up and wrapping his arms around Alex, both falling asleep.


	35. A Certain Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once they arrived, Alex stepped out and was greeted by a familiar face. Tall. Hypnotic eyes.  
> "Miles, meet Miles." He said, pointing to his Miles before the other Miles.  
> Inside, cheesy classic-pop was already blasting out.  
> "Not bad taste." Miles whispered to Alex, eyeing up the stranger. "Wouldn’t mind if I had some, would you?" He smiled, making Alex blush.  
> "Fire away." Alex smiled.  
> All three walked in together, Alex and his husband holding hands while the other man walked sheepishly to one side.
> 
> There's a party that Alex is invited to, but an old friend returns. Is he there to stir up a situation, or just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the nature of this one, but I've got friends who have been in similar situations who wanted this topic to be brought up. Trigger Warning if you're not ok with hate crime.

"Is that my turtleneck?" Miles asked as he walked into the living room. "Why are you wearing that?"  
"I was cold." Alex said, smirking as he pulled up the collar.  
"Oh yeah?" Miles asked sarcastically.  
"Fine. It smells like you. That’s like the only reason." Alex smiled, moving over slightly to let Miles lie down.  
Miles slid down the sofa behind Alex, moving him forwards slightly.  
"Lie down you daftie." Miles chuckled when Alex didn’t move.  
Alex swung his legs up and nestled his head on Miles' arm, looking up. Miles wrapped his arm around Alex's head and neck, pulling his face sideways.  
"What's a guy got to do for a cuddle around here." Miles smiled, kissing Alex.  
"Come to a party with me tonight." Alex asked, pulling away from Miles.  
"Will you behave?" Miles asked, a concerned note to his tone.  
"I'm a different man. Alcoholics Anonymous scared the shit out of me. The people there who just looked sad. Like everything about them. Just come with me tonight. I'll behave."  
"Alright then." Miles smiled as Alex stretched his arms around him. "But I want my turtleneck back." He smirked, delving his face into the collar and sucking on Alex's neck.

Later  on as they prepared for the party, Alex got a text from an unknown number.  
_"You gonna be there tonight? I've missed you."_  
He was a little confused and decided not to reply.  
"Who was that?" Miles asked, buttoning up a scale-print shirt.  
"No idea Mi." He said, tossing his phone on the bed.  
"Phone them up." He smiled. "Might be Alexa with life advice. You know what she's like."  
Alex pulled on a yellow pair of trousers and grabbed his phone, walking out the room.

"Hi? Who is this?"  
_"Don't you remember? It's Miles."_  
"Miles? Like the one from Newcastle?" Alex whispered.  
_"Aye. Are you coming tonight? To the party?"_  
"Yeah. Anyway, how did you get my number?"  
_"Taylor."_  
"Oh her!"  
_"Yeah. Anyway, how's life? Maybe it's funny me saying this but I haven't been seeing anyone since I met you. Did things work out with you and your Mr?"_  
"Yeah."  
_"Aw. Well I'm happy for you. Shame you and me can't have anything."_ He replied in a disappointed tone.  
There was an awkward silence that seemed to drag on for too long.  
"So I'll see you later then." Alex said, walking back towards his room.  
_"Yeah, see you bonnie lad."_

"Who was that?" Miles said, sliding on a black suit jacket.  
"Remember Newcastle?" Alex sighed.  
It was still painful to think about for both of them. Alex swore his ass cheeks were still sore.  
"The first lad I was with. He gave me a lift home. Says I changed him or something and wishes we were a thing."  
After a long pause Miles spun around.  
"Maybe it's not a terrible idea for you to get friendly with him. If I don't make it-"  
"Don't say stuff like that Mi, you know I can't take thinking about that. I could never replace you either."  
"Fair enough Laa."  
"Can I ask a favour though. You don't have to agree with it at all if you don’t want to."  
"Go on."  
"Can I do stuff with him. Just tonight. Nothing more."  
"Maybe a few kisses, but you gotta make it up to me. I know how flirty you get when you've had a few."  
"I'll make it up to you and then some babe." Alex smiled, walking over and kissing Miles. "Same applies to you if you find a fittie."  
He slid on the matching yellow blazer, swept his hair back and waited for their lift. A now mended Jamie.

"Are you two alright to walk home?" Jamie asked, driving off. "I've got to look after the kids. Katie's not well."  
"That's fine by me." Miles replied.  
Once they arrived, Alex stepped out and was greeted by a familiar face. Tall. Hypnotic eyes.  
"Miles, meet Miles." He said, pointing to his Miles before the other Miles.  
Inside, cheesy classic-pop was already blasting out.  
"Not bad taste." Miles whispered to Alex, eyeing up the stranger. "Wouldn’t mind if I had some, would you?" He smiled, making Alex blush.  
"Fire away." Alex smiled.  
All three walked in together, Alex and his husband holding hands while the other man walked sheepishly to one side.

After making a few introductions, Miles made a B-line to the buffet, leaving Alex and his non-husband alone.  
"What brings you down here then?" Alex asked, shouting over the music.  
"I wanted to see how you were doing." He smiled, checking his phone.  
"No doubt wanted a shag more like." Alex sighed, watching as Miles made conversation with another man.  
"What’s your other half doing then? Flirting his head off?"  
"We made a deal. One night only." Alex said, biting his lip.  
"Does that mean?"  
Alex shot a glance to Miles by the buffet table before swinging his head back and kissing the other Miles. His body felt repulsed that it wasn’t the right man.  
"One night. Nowt more than kissing mind you."  
"I'm impressed. Didn’t even have to buy you a margarita." He smiled and checked his phone again.

He checked his phone again.  
"Something wrong?" Alex asked, watching as his husband walked off, arm in arm with another younger and fitter lad.  
"I got this weird text. Got me a bit worried."  
He showed Alex the text. Withheld number.  
_Tonight is you last you disgusting faggot. You shouldn’t have left Newcastle._  
"I don't know about you but I would tell the police." Alex sighed.  
He'd rather be with his Miles, not this deadbeat.  
"You think it's serious?"  
"Maybe." Alex pouted, wishing he would be left alone.  
Another awkward silence fell. Alex walked off to find a chair as he trailed behind him

"You think I'm shit don't you." He sighed, sipping a glass of red wine.  
"No." Alex said, leaning back while sipping champagne.  
"You do don't you. You think I'm pathetic to have feelings for someone I can never have because they're married and that I'm pathetic to be caught up in those feelings to not be able to shag another man."  
"Well I think you hit the nail on the head there actually." Alex sighed, finishing his champagne and standing up.  
Miles stood up behind him, grabbing Alex's wrist and dragging him back.  
"What happened to the one night thing eh?" He snarled, suddenly seeming to fill the room.  
With his free hand he tried to pull Alex's head towards his as he leaned in for a kiss.  
"No. Stop!" Alex shouted, his voice a mix of seriousness and panic."Leave me alone."  
As Alex walked away, searching for his husband, A skin headed muscle man stood against a wall, eyeing up the situation. His eyes burned into Alex's head, darting to the Geordie the minute Alex turned around.  
"I warned you faggot." He whispered, checking the time before slinking off elsewhere.

Alex's husband, on the other hand, was stuck on the dance floor in the middle of the party. Alex decided to go there to try and find Miles. He looked around, unable to find any familiar face. He felt his chest tighten. This is not the party he wanted to go to. It only just dawned on him now how painfully socially awkward he felt when he was sober. He dashed to the drinks table and started fumbling around, desperate to drink something to take the edge off his anxious state. Miles caught a glimpse of him through the masses of bodies and immediately stopped dancing. While he stared, the other Miles appeared, trying to force himself onto Alex again. Alex tried to fight him back but didn't stand a chance. Still frozen on the dance floor, Miles dashed forwards, pushing people out his way. He grabbed Alex and pulled him back, banging into the skinhead from before. Alex grabbed a drink and turned around, still unaware of what was really going on. Miles ran straight into the other Miles, sending him crashing into the drinks table. The skinhead grabbed Alex's shoulder and swung him around. Before Alex had chance to react, he swung a fist straight into his face, sending him falling to the ground. The skinhead rolled him under the table as the Geordie tried to run off, clambering down a set of stairs. Miles looked around trying to find Alex to no avail. The whole commotion seemed to have gone unnoticed.

Alex finally woke up, one eye swollen closed. His cheek felt extremely painful as he rolled over onto it. After making it out from under the table, he decided to check downstairs in the darker rooms. That's where Miles went first.  
"Miles? Miles?!" Alex shouted.  
His face felt clammy as the panic lingered within him. He reached his hand up to check his face. Even in the dim light he could tell it was blood. Suddenly he got a tap on the shoulder. When he turned around it was the same brawny man from before.  
"C-c-can I help you?" Alex stuttered, barely able to make out his face.  
"You Alex Turner?" He said, his voice deep and menacing.  
"Yeah?"  
"Leave this town or else."  
"Or else what?" Alex asked gingerly.  
The man punched Alex directly in the stomach, pushing Alex backwards. He stumbled for a moment then toppled over.  
"That. But with a knife. And both you and your fuck buddy, both you faggots, will see the end."  
Alex's face felt cold. His stomach dropped. For the first time in a long time, he felt nothing but panic.  
_" Where's Miles."_ He thought, trying to piece together what had happened. He frantically searched around. Both the Geordie and his husband were nowhere.

After what felt like too long, he finally found his Miles.  
"We need to go." He choked, feeling tears well up in his eyes.  
"What's wrong Laa?" Miles said, clearly a  little tipsy.  
"We have to go." He said, grabbing Miles' wrist and dragging him.  
They stumbled down the stairs, making their way to the door. The skinhead stood there like a doorman.  
"Tick tick." He said, watching them clamber out.  
Alex turned back for just a moment, only to get spat on.  
"Come on." Miles said, tugging Alex.

It was raining hard as they made their escape, running down the street and through a tunnel. They loitered there for a while as they caught their breath.  
"What's going on?" Miles asked, the tunnel too dark to see Alex's face.  
"There's people out to get us. Like kill us. They'll stab us if we don't leave this town."  
Miles paused for a second, before shrugging. "No one would want to pick a fight with us."  
Alex grabbed Miles' hand and stepped out from under the tunnel, into the light of the street lamp. There he could see Alex's swollen face. Miles' tone suddenly dropped from alright to terrified.  
"Who did this to you?" Miles gasped, walking forwards and brushing his hand against his cheek.  
Alex batted his hand away. "It's painful you know."  
"Well what do you want to do? The police or the hospital-"  
"Let's go home and see how it is first."

They walked home in the rain with Miles wrapping his arm around Alex's back. He could tell from Alex's breathing that he was crying.  
"What about that other lad? Thought you liked him?" Miles said, trying to figure out what had happened.  
"He's weird. I think I preferred him drunk-ish."  
Miles nodded as they walked up their drive.  
"Shit. I forgot my parents were visiting." Alex said, stopping dead in his tracks.  
"Come on in. You can get second and third opinions on your cheek." He smiled.  
Alex's whole body was now partially filled with dread on top of the panic from earlier.

"That must be them back Davey." Penny said, walking through to greet them.  
She smiled at Miles as Alex took his shoes off in the hallway.  
"Good party?" She asked chirpily.  
Miles just shook his head.  
"Oh?"  
Alex rushed through and darted upstairs. He turned his bedroom light on and examined his face. He looked like half of his face had had a terrible allergic reaction. Miles burst in and saw Alex's face for the first time properly.  
"Get changed but keep the clothes handy. I'm taking you to hospital."  
Alex gently pressed down on his cheek and forehead. He winced at the pain shooting in his face.  
"Come sit by the fire for a while and I'll get you an ice pack or something." Miles said, wrapping his arm around Alex and hugging him. "Try not to worry, ok? Want me to tell your parents?"  
Alex nodded.  
"Just come down when you're ready Laa ok?"

Miles went downstairs and put the kettle on and rummaged through the freezer, still soaked through to his skin.  
"Is he alright?" Penny asked, concerned.  
"Just got in a bit of a fight."  
Just then Alex made his way downstairs. He'd put on Miles' turtleneck and a pair of jeans. He walked into the living room and sat by the fire.  
"Here Alex, this should help." Miles said, passing him a bag of ice with salt in it, wrapped in a cloth.  
He pressed it up against his face, wincing again at the pain.  
"Oh Miles, you go and get changed son. We'll look after him." David said, standing up and sitting on the edge of the coffee table, leaning over towards Alex.  
Penny came and sat by Alex too, gently rubbing his back.  
"Are you alright Al? You’re awfully quiet." She said, tucking bits of hair behind his ears.  
"I'm a little upset." He sobbed, trying to hold back everything.  
"You're more than a little upset Al."  
Miles soon bounded back in the room topless.  
"I knew you had my turtleneck!" He said, dashing back upstairs.  
He grabbed a top and a jacket and went back downstairs.  
"Come on the Laa. I'll get you mended then you can tell the police, ok?"  
"Police?" David asked, shocked.  
"We've been threatened." Alex said. "Wait Mi, how much have you drank?"  
"Shit. David, will you drive?"  
"It's dad to you Miles, and of course I will."


	36. Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can we have a celebration? Like in summer?" Miles said, rolling onto his back.  
> "What for?" Alex asked, puzzled.  
> "Just in case I don't actually make it to another celebration like Christmas or our anniversary." Miles sighed, an audible lump growing in his throat as his voice faltered.  
> "Oh." Alex said, pulling more duvet up to him.  
> Miles' breathing hitched as tears pricked at his eyes.  
> "Are you crying Mi?"  
> Miles stayed silent before letting out a sob and sniffing up. Alex pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around him.  
> "I won't get to see you age. Or have another Christmas." Miles sobbed, staring blankly up at the ceiling.  
> "Have a little faith. Dr Nelson said there might be a cure." Alex said, pushing himself up to look at Miles' face.
> 
> Miles starts to contemplate what his future is going to be like now he's got months left and time is slipping away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO DO. I've needed a bit of a break because of my own reasons and severe writers block. I should be able to get more chapters out soon enough to compensate. I promise I will give this a proper ending though so it won't be abandoned. :) pls enjoy.

"How's your face the Laa?"  
"Painful."  
Alex gently rubbed his swollen cheek, wincing at the pain.  
"It's been a week, you'd have thought it would have been a bit better by now." Miles said, rolling over to look at Alex.  
"It is broken Mi, it'll take a while to heal."  
Miles kissed Alex's cheek, careful not to agitate it.  
"Jamie said he's coming around later since he's getting back on his feet. Wants to make sure you're ok. Just if you wanna get dressed and look more presentable."  
"No thanks." Alex sighed, pulling the duvet over his shoulders.  
Miles snaked his arm under Alex's back and pulled him closer, letting Alex rest his head on Miles' shoulder.  
"At least they've sorted it all out. Arrested the prick who did this to you and threatened the other Miles."  
"Shame he went back to Newcastle. A threesome with him would have been fun."  
"And when was I asked this?" Miles asked playfully.  
"Give over, you would have loved it." Alex smiled, stretching his arm out only for Miles to catch his hand with his own.  
"Well do you still have his number?"  
Alex blushed and nodded.  
"When your face feels better, maybe give him a ring." Miles smiled, kissing the top of Alex's head.

They stayed in bed together for a while as they slowly woke up, the April sun beaming through the blinds. Miles cuddled into Alex as they passed the time by stealing odd kisses and playing around; Miles blowing strands of Alex's flowing hair out of his face as Alex gently rubbed his hands behind Miles' ear, his thumb grazing the stubble starting to show through again.

"Can we have a celebration? Like in summer?" Miles said, rolling onto his back.  
"What for?" Alex asked, puzzled.  
"Just in case I don't actually make it to another celebration like Christmas or our anniversary." Miles sighed, an audible lump growing in his throat as his voice faltered.  
"Oh." Alex said, pulling more duvet up to him.  
Miles' breathing hitched as tears pricked at his eyes.  
"Are you crying Mi?"  
Miles stayed silent before letting out a sob and sniffing up. Alex pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around him.  
"I won't get to see you age. Or have another Christmas." Miles sobbed, staring blankly up at the ceiling.  
"Have a little faith. Dr Nelson said there might be a cure." Alex said, pushing himself up to look at Miles' face.  
"As if it could actually help _me_ -"  
"If anything it'll extend your life so we can have more celebrations together."  
"Or kill me." Miles sighed.  
"We'll figure this out later when we're back at the hospital. Just focus on the 'now'."

After some time, Alex finally decided to get up and go downstairs to make a drink. Miles preferred to have some time alone to himself to think about his future.  
"Fancy a coffee Mi?" Alex shouted upstairs.  
There was no reply. Just then there was a knock at the door.   
"This can't be Jamie already!?"  
Alex dashed through to the door. He was right.

As Alex opened the door, a heavily drunk Geordie lurched towards him. The other Miles. Alex immediately panicked and tried to push him off but struggled. He was far too strong for Alex to even stand a chance.  
"I couldn't-life-live with-with-not with ya Alex." He slurred.  
He forced his face forwards, touching foreheads with Alex, who was desperately clawing to get away from him.  
"Get off you freak! Fuck off!" He yelled, scared he would do something worse.  
The other Miles leaned back slightly only to strike Alex's broken cheek with his palm. Alex screamed out in agony, kicking at him desperate to get away. Miles had finally crawled out of bed and was making his way quickly down the stairs after hearing the commotion. He nearly sprinted into the table when he heard Alex scream.  
"Let mh-mh-me love ya Alex, ya bonnie laaad." He slurred again, sliding a hand down to Alex's neck.

Suddenly Miles barged into the Geordie, sending him staggering backwards out the door. He leapt forwards and locked the door before spinning around to see Alex.  
"Shit, Alex! Are you ok!?"  
Alex was clutching his cheek, his face scrunched up in agony. He was trying hard to hold in the pain, but couldn’t stop some muffled groans escaping him.  
"I'll call the police, you go sit in the living room, ok?" Miles said softly, guiding Alex into the room.

Once the police took the other Miles away, Miles went to check on Alex. His shirt was damp from his tears and saliva from his gaped mouth. Miles sat by his side, cradling him.  
"What happened to you love?" He asked, almost on the verge of tears himself.  
"He barged in and then he forced himself on me and then he hit me." Alex said, still clutching his face.  
"Do you want an ice pack Laa?"  
Alex nodded. Miles disappeared off into the kitchen and came back with a bag of frozen peas.  
"All I could find Laa." Miles sighed, holding it gently next to Alex's face.   
With his free hand, he grabbed Alex's, holding it up to his face while stroking his knuckles.  
"God Al your knuckles are red raw!"   
Alex tried to compose himself a little to speak to Miles.  
"I think I just need to calm down." He spoke in a staccato pace.  
"I'll go grab a duvet." Miles smiled, kissing Alex's good cheek before dashing off upstairs.

Miles returned, tucking Alex up on the sofa.   
"Want some tablets and a drink?" He asked, turning the TV on for Alex.  
He nodded in response to Miles. He soon returned with a glass of water and some of Alex's pain medication for his face.   
"Make me a cuppa would ya?" Alex asked, washing the tablets down.  
"Save me a space!" Miles giggled as Alex sprawled himself out on the sofa.

Miles came back through with two cups of tea and snuggled up next to Alex, sharing the duvet.   
"You should. We should." Alex smiled, finding the exact spot on Miles' shoulder where his head rested perfectly.  
"What?"  
"Have this celebration thing in summer. It'll be worth it whatever happens."  
"So you like my idea?" Miles smiled.  
"Just as a precaution. I reckon you'll pull through. You're a fighter, Mi."  
"Well have you got any other plans?"  
"Oh y'know, I was just thinking the Ritz Carlton in San Fran." Alex said, glancing up at Miles with a grin. "Just as a mini-honeymoon since we never had a proper one. Who knows, if you pull through we might go back."  
"Well we can think about it when we get dates for treatment and stuff."

The pair just sat quietly watching TV, occasionally stealing kisses from one another. Soon enough Miles pulled Alex on top of him, and with gentle hands, tugged at his top.  
"I don't know Mi." Alex complained, sighing. "I'm still shook up and sore."  
"I promise I won't hurt you or owt."  
"I know, I know-"  
"I mean, remember when we were first going out in our salad days and I was scared I'd hurt you?" Miles asked, his face pleading with Alex.  
"And you said that no matter how gentle a feather could fall, you'd always be more gentle with me." Alex chuckled, a wide smile spreading across his face as he kissed Miles.  
"I promise I'll be just as gentle." Miles whispered, cradling Alex's head carefully, making sure not to touch where it was sore.

Before they could do anything else, there was another knock at the door.  
"I'll get it Al, don’t worry." Miles said, pecking Alex's forehead as he walked away.

"Who is it?" Miles shouted through the door.  
"Jamie!?" Jamie shouted back.  
Miles swung the door open letting him in.  
"We had an unwanted visitor this morning. It's sorted now."  
Jamie nodded and went through to see them both.

"You're looking a bit worse for wear lad!" Jamie said, sitting next to Alex on the sofa and rubbing his back affectionately.  
"You're looking better." Alex pointed out, since Jamie's leg was almost fully healed.  
"Listen, Al, I've been sent on a sort of mission."  
"Huh?" Miles said, confused at Jamie's motive.  
"Thought you'd rather hear this from me, but your parents want you to move back in with them."  
"You're having a fucking laugh." Alex sighed, sitting back on the sofa with his arms crossed.  
"They're worried about you. Both of you. If anything happened to Miles they'd be worried you'd try to top yourself again Al. And with all the shit that keeps happening here, everyone is expecting you to move out and find a new place."  
Alex sighed. "I should have saw this coming."  
"So let me get this right, they want _us_ to move in with _them_?" Miles asked  
"Until you find a new home and you get better."  
"I'm not a fucking baby, they know that right?"  
"Admit it Alex, you may as well be." Miles said, sitting down in the armchair.  
"Thanks." Alex snarled,  rolling his eyes at Miles.   
"Just think about it. They're only asking for your benefit." Jamie said.  
"I mean Alex, you were nigh on assaulted this morning. How many more times is that gonna happen if we live here?" Miles sighed, a worried look on his face.  
"I guess you've got a point there."  
"I'll go make a brew." Jamie said, jumping up and heading off to the kitchen.

"Do we have to move back in with my parents-" Alex moaned before Miles cut him off.  
"Alex stop whining. We can get a new place to live that's safer than here and your parents can keep an eye on you for a while. Until you're more stable than you are now."  
"I am fucking stable!" Alex shouted at Miles.  
"Well you don't sound it."  
Alex sighed again, sinking further into the sofa.  
"It'll be like we're 17 again." Miles smiled. "Cheeky bum sex in the kitchen whenever they're out-"  
"Don’t fucking start that again." Alex laughed.

Jamie came back in with his tea.  
"Well?"  
"We'll think about it." Alex said.  
"It's only so you two are safe." Jamie said, rubbing Alex's back again.  
"It's a solution." Miles said, glancing at Alex before looking back to the TV.  
Jamie stayed and chatted with them until he had finished his tea. Soon enough he was off again back home.

"See ya Jamie." Miles said, waving him off the drive.  
"Drive safe." Alex shouted, grinning slightly.  
Jamie gave him a thumbs up and rolled his eyes at them. He'd learned his lesson. Miles closed the door again and locked it, following Alex back into the living room.

"So where were we?" Miles asked playfully, swivelling Alex around to land on the sofa.  
Alex pulled his top off.   
"The part where you do me like you used to." He smiled.  
Miles took his own top off and quickly pulled his trousers and boxers down, tossing them aside simultaneously. Alex meanwhile was pulling his down too. By the time Miles had turned around, Alex had finished getting his boxers off.

Miles quickly got on top, lifting Alex up enough to slide a cushion underneath his back for support.  
"You don't even have to move a muscle babe." Miles said, grinning and leaning in to kiss Alex.  
He fumbled around with a draw on the coffee table until he found some lube. As he dribbled some on himself and Alex, a phone rang on the table. Jamie's mobile.  
"Just throw it out the room. He'll know not to come in." Alex said.  
Miles picked it up and gently tossed it into the dining room.  
"Wait what about the door?" Miles asked.  
"He'll have to be patient then." Alex smirked, biting his lip and rubbing the lube onto Miles.  
Miles leaned back down, wrapping a blanket over their bodies for warmth. He eased the tip in slightly as he kissed Alex's neck. With one hand, Alex rubbed himself, and with the other he pinned Miles' head down, toying with his hair.  
"With your hair and goatee it's like fucking Jesus." Miles laughed, letting Alex's hand guide where his head went for kissing and sucking on his skin.

"More Mi, I want more." Alex moaned, begging for Miles to push deeper into him.  
Miles complied, easing in gently, guided by Alex's commands. Alex pulled Miles' head closer to his face, his lips electric with his lust for Miles'. Their kisses turned from soft to frenzied, both gasping for breath the more they went.  
"Fuck me more Mi." Alex moaned, wrapping his legs tight around Miles.  
"God I've missed being inside of you." Miles moaned back, his words getting lost in Alex's mouth.  
Once Miles had pushed in enough, he left it up to Alex to move as he wished. He gently rocked into Miles moaning in unison with him.

Outside, Jamie knocked, then after no answer, he took out his key to get in and get his phone back. He'd realised he'd left it only after he'd got home.  
"Hello? It's only Jamie!" He said, pushing the door open.  
Once he'd got into the corridor, he soon heard why there was no answer. He timidly looked around to see his phone on the floor by kitchen door. As he went to grab it, he glanced over to see Alex and Miles on the sofa. Embarrassed, he looked back down, grabbed his phone and promptly left.

"Who was that?" Alex asked, pulling back for a second and glancing towards the door.  
"I swear I heard Jamie shout. Must've used his key." Miles said, catching his breath before getting lost in Alex's mouth again.  
Miles' moans became more high pitched as he felt himself coming to the edge.   
"Fuck Al I'm gonna cum!" He groaned, Alex practically swallowing his voice.  
"Fill me up." He whispered, his voice beginning to sound hoarse from moaning so much.  
Soon enough Miles came; the pressure inside was enough to bring Alex close too.  
"Fuck fuck fuck!" Alex moaned at the top of his lungs.   
Miles was still hitting his prostate and now it was just getting better and better. He came all over his belly and chest, Miles' body smearing it over them both.  
Finally breaking to catch their breaths, they saw how swollen their lips had got, and how hoarse their voices were.  
"Fuck it Mi, we're booking the Ritz, and you can do me like that every night."

**Author's Note:**

> Some ups and downs, left turns, loop-the-loops, basically this is one roller coaster, innit? Hope you enjoyed this story! this was originally a one off, but then I started to get more and more engrossed in it. It sort of spiralled ALT of CTRL. Let me know what you thought, and if you have any other ideas, let me know!
> 
> I SWEAR THIS WILL GET A PROPER ENDING JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME.


End file.
